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Wednesday, October 30, 2013


i am tired. tired of having thoughts. thoughts upon thoughts upon thoughts that would lead to something something and eventually someone would disagree and then more thoughts and thoughts and thoughts. i am tired of jejune accommodation of thoughts in which some would always be reading full stops and the end sign as some thoughts are different from the overall collective. the overall collective would opine and that is like committing genocide. the systematic killing of an individual, of personality and of freedom. freedom to express thoughts which are strangely tiring. it is tiring. tiring. you with your thoughts and me with my thoughts and we are forced to co-exist in the same space having to be civilised, civilised so we won't end up in jail. we bicker, we hate and we libeled each other or kill each other if we ever had the chance over thoughts upon thoughts upon thoughts that lead to the production of the commodity known as opinions that created this grand illusion that everyone has the right to opine. illusion opinions matter. matter. it does. it does not? opinions matter only to those who put matter to it. but those who would spend time putting a value on a certain opinion may perhaps be doing it out of courtesy. oh jejune jejune. opinions, thoughts, tiring.

tiring. but someone's gotta do it.


Sunday, October 20, 2013

The episode where I gave a speech...

been meaning to get this uploaded here. this is transcript of a speech i gave at a university during an event recently. an example of so many things I wanted to write here but I haven't. anyway, enjoy.

Good evening. First of, I would like to thank all of you for having me here, truly and honour to be in the presence of bright young people such as yourselves. In truth, when I was first invited to give this speech, I thought it'd be one of those about films and what I think about films - of which I replied with a 'yes'. But apparently not and I was wrong, so... my first message tonight is read your emails and stop assuming. After finding out the purpose of this speech I was a bit reluctant but then again the lady who contacted me ensured that this would be fun and perhaps we both could learn something from each other tonight, so thanks again.

So who am I? Well, my name is Redza Minhat and some of you may know me as that actor guy, but besides that I've written plays and screenplays, and also happen to be a producer - and this is the part I'm going to do a bit of marketing, my film is coming out next year so... yea support local! And also, those things I've mentioned, I managed to do during my spare time while I work during the day as a banker.

So to answer your question, 'who am I?' Well I was once like you, once a student, hopeful for a career, but someday, you will become like me, and that's where I think some of stuff I've experienced and would like to share may be useful in the future. So there we go, I've answered why am I here and who am I, as such, with your indulgence, I'm just going to yap for about 15 minutes, no big deal just 4 big points, perhaps things you've heard before and I'm just going to let you figure it out. And for the benefit of everyone, I've set a timer so I won't go long.

One of the questions given to me before I wrote this was, how do I find balance between having to work and doing things I love, well guys, that brings us to my first point... Before even thinking about balancing, you gotta know what you love doing.

Finding what you love, or do what you love. God. Such cliche, this has been told so many times and if I were you sitting there listening to me, I would've skipped this part. But then again, think about it, since it has been told so many times, it must then, be true, right? And guess what? It is true, you can take that to the bank! Working life can be very very depressing, most will be introduced to this thing called a routine, waking up early, stuck in traffic for hours, stuck at work for hours and then back home salvaging whatever that is left. Highlights of your life would be mostly, weekends and year end holidays if you could afford any. And then one day, after going through the same cycle every single day, you'd ask yourself... "Hmmm... where did it all go, youth? Hope?" - Some people said to me, that they are 'okay' with what they do, I mean, they don't hate it but neither do they like it... and I would call this a sweet spot mediocrity, and in the long run this too gets frustrating. Don't go for that.

So finding what you love doing. Of course, it's difficult, no one says it's going to be easy. You know, to find what you love and then turn it into a sustainable life long career - only very few lucky people could achieve it. I myself, is still trying to figure it out. The best you could do for now, is have a plan and keep looking. In my case, it was purely accidental, once in school, I was trying to skip those evening preparatory classes when a teacher grabbed me into a hall and offered me a role as a 'tree' for a stage production. I thought, "jadi pokok, how hard can that be?" and that was it, found what I love. So find what you love doing, find your passion, absolutely zero formulas for that, pretty much like choosing a partner, your best bet is to keep looking and to that I wish you good luck!

Once you've succeeded in finding what you love doing then comes the next question, how do you find time? Which is my next point. Finding time.

I'm going to share a short story on this, it's about a friend of mine who studied philosophy. Once I was having coffee with him and I was complaining that I just don't have time to do things. To which he replied, "That's true, you don't." And I was like... "U-huh?" And then he said, "Well think about it, time is only fictional, it doesn't really exist except conceptually, it is a concept. You can't divide it into units like one would divide things, time is just perception and it's only feature is that it moves..." It occurred to me then that this friend of mine is crazy but, there is some truth in what he said. Time does not really exist except conceptually and therefore, you can make it up. Make time. So since you can make it up, and it is not logically wrong, ask yourself this, "Now how do I make time." In my case for instance, I walk faster than I walked before, I take very short meal breaks and I don't watch TV as much. And be efficient, time is created that way. Anyhow, trust me, if you love some thing, you'll find time, you'll create time. But for a start, you could try walking faster!

My third point is on success. One of the best quotes I read was when I was 16, it was by Albert Camus, he said, "Life is the sum of all your choices." And that is how I see success, some say success is wealth, I think what would be better than that is having options towards achieving wealth or ultimately happiness. I believe, if I want a fulfilling life, I should then strive to expand the universe of choices and options I could possibly have in life. For instance, staying fit and healthy, this is the most basic requirement for a person to be able to access choices in life. Making friends, to learn new things to be brave of course the list could go on but I believe you get the idea.

And lastly, my final point is, and this... is the cliche-est tonight, it is for you to love yourself. Really you must. And this is only possible if you first accept yourself, accepting flaws while working on your strength. By the way, do not confuse 'loving yourself' with vanity or narcissism, then again, I believe bright young scholars such as you would understand. Most importantly, if you love yourself, you won't have room for hate or to hate... and the world could use more of that these days.

I wish you could have read what I wrote here cause I did put a smiley face right after that sentence.

So... that's it, that's all I have for tonight, and like I said, I'll leave the figuring out part to you young and bright people. May someday, we meet again and who knows we might even work together. I would like to wish all of you the best in everything, thank you for your indulgence and thanks again for having me here.



Monday, April 01, 2013


i remember back then, when i first started work, amongst my first tasks was to send a meeting invitation via email. it was a simple task but it took me hours to finish writing the email.

on the way home i thought about it, it bugged me because i love writing and it was just an email, i could've finished it within minutes. when i reached home, i started blogging about it at great length and at the end of the entry i noticed one thing. that the entry had a different voice than the email.

i figured it out - i was trying to be someone else, i wasn't trying to write but instead i was trying to be someone else, and i feared being judged and making it more complex, being judged as someone else - through that simple email. so... made a promise to myself, to only write as myself from then on. writing emails and such have been super easy since then.

many years have passed. i now face the same problem again. it is not actually the same but somewhat the same, i find it easier now to write work emails or investment theses rather than writing freely, i get stuck, up to a point i no longer find joy in writing.

nowadays, writing the word 'fuck' for example would see me typing and deleting many times and in the end scrapping the whole entry. yes, the problem is now [relating to 'fuck' which is a noun more than a verb] is ... that i give a fuck and that i care... instead of just... writing freely and enjoying it.

so, i guess its time to look for that guy again. that guy who is now lost somewhere in between white collar shirts and glitters of pointlessness. that guy gave a ... [insert typing and deleting many many times action] - time to quit doing so and start making love instead.

hear, hear.


Friday, February 01, 2013


When we met, the condition was perfect, it wasn’t raining but the sun was shy, it wasn’t cloudy but fucking bears could’ve bounced around playing hide and seek, the temperature gave me the same feeling when dragging those post coital cigarettes, it was real but yet bizarre, the condition was perfect and that was when we met.

Your eyes, they reminded me of the African savannah and as I travel through it I reached your heart and in your heart the wild fucking animals are fucking racing, like pros, I was staring. Your timing was perfect, you felt I was staring and your eyes, your sorrow wandering eyes, they caught my eyes, we froze, we stood there like statues made of clay, meant to be stoic. It was so dramatic.

When our retinal coordination fell into place. I felt you were looking right through me. It was painful yet delightful, wrong, yet, well wrong wass good, felt as if my soul was pierced with inanimate stuff like the freakin TV with all its HD wonders which works the same like those horse tranquilisers just to be specific.  It was so eclectic, I’m sorry, electric. You are electric.

Just like how things work in the universe, the logical sequence of events, the chain of causality, it was predictable, it made sense, we met, we locked eyes and we needed to then say something, fuck just say anything, and that is when I saw your mouth started coordinating movements, I noticed your arms, perpendicular but my focus was your mouth so fuck your arms. I imagined your lips, your kissable lips, locking lips can wait because now, it wanted to say something, of course it wanted to, would I understand? I didn’t think it mattered but I did understand, that was when you said,

“You might think you sound like a poet but you actually sound like an idiot.”


Wednesday, January 30, 2013


a) a man soaking his hand into a glass of room temperature water right from a boiling water would feel a cooling sensation while another man soaking his hand into the same room temperature water right from a bucket of ice will feel warmth. they both may argue about what they feel of the water but it does not change the fact that the water is; room temperature.

b) for a start, taste. taste is perception on facts and should be separated. for instance, calling a movie 'tak best' and therefore it is not good is a fallacy. a movie can be 'tak best' but that doesn't make it a bad movie. similarly to you may not understand a movie but that doesn't make the movie stupid.

c) cinema screen is bigger than TV screen. that's a fact. hence by the size itself, the mediums are differentiated. why is then the cinema screen is bigger, simple logic, so you could see better, so you could see more. so, if you don't see more on a cinema screen, at least more than what you see on TV, a cinema screen is pointless. now think about it, how many films you've watched of which if translated into TV does not make any difference in terms of what you see and then ask yourself, what's the point?

d) visuals on the cinema screen alone is not enough for it to be considered good. the narrative needs to be supportive of the visuals, otherwise it is plain masturbation. no one wants to see that. good narrative is based on two things - structure and reasoning (logic). structure will usually address audiences' attention to the plot while reasoning will get them invested. grab the attention, get them invested and sink them with visuals right till the end. that's how i see a film should be.

e) on logic. a movie creates an alternative universe in which it is a different world than the reality and as such logic in reality can't be applied. as such, a movie can be about a man who can fly which does not make sense in real world but if explained carefully would make sense in a movie. don't be confused by that.

f) enough about movies, i've been meaning to write about the 'Allah' issue. i will not impose my personal view on this but i do see the need for everyone to go back to facts instead of burning books, accusing people or proselytizing and other things which are just conjectures, attention seeking and void of facts. in this regard, going back to facts means only one thing, is Allah unique and not interchangeable, is it generic and can be translated or is it not. many other arguments that made this issue complex, for example, one may argue from anecdotal evidences that such is 'culturally' accepted which is... well fair but the way i see it, many people call toothpaste 'Colgate' or cocoa drink 'Milo' and both are 'culturally' accepted. but still that doesn't mean the toothpaste is 'colgate' and the cocoa drink is 'Milo'. right?

g) so that's that for now. i guess, whenever you are confused, remember room temperature water. least you could do is drink it.


Saturday, January 12, 2013



couple of decades ago, i was that boy in school who asked too many questions. music, geography, jasmani, math, science you name it. some of my questions are beyond logic too, which is why i guess my teachers thought i was playing the fool. but i assure you, i was not. i wanted answers. like once, in an art class i drew a purple coloured durian and was called up by my teacher to which i asked "what is the point of me drawing an actual durian when i can take a photo of it? now i can't take a photo of a purple durian can i?" - stood on the chair after that - with one hand holding the paint brush and the other holding the purple coloured durian.

that boy has grown to become a man, and that man still have many questions. having too many questions and asking them are great, because your life becomes a process of finding answers. flip side of it is you won't have that many friends, some will actively avoid you, some think you're boring while some put their guards up, becoming defensive. but then again, you can easily filter people - those who are worth having conversations with, you stick by them and your life is enriched.

people fear change, that's natural. questions may lead to changes in a system, changes in the way we do things, changes in the way we think, it could even change you - hence people fear questions. personally i think, since we were kids, especially i speak of the malay society, we are trained to fear having questions, we can't question - the 'saya yang menurut perintah' doctrine. and as questions lead to reasoning or logic, lack of questions will then lead to lack of logic, and such is compounded that the whole nation becomes a nation lacking logic.

well... that said, if you think asking too many questions is harmful, i turned out alright, right? so... how now? (that was another question wasn't it?)


Sunday, January 06, 2013

the end of the end of the world, happy 2013

this piece was written and performed by me - early 2012 at 'Actor's Studio' Lot 10. happy new year guys.

Haritu aku lepak dekat nasi lemak bangsar. We were smoking and eating and drinking until then he brought up a topic about the end of the world. He was telling about how the mayan calendar which will stop on 20 December this year. Basically the Mayans wrote that the world is created in cycles and we are in our fourth cycle which will end soon. And these cycles are called Baktun.

To which I replied, “Heh?”

You see my friend is an atheist and me, I’m a believer in general, so most of the time when we talk, he’s mostly about “I don’t believe in God, I believe in science” to which I would reply I too believe in science… well to a certain extent.

He asked me… whether or not 20 December 2012 is a credible date for an ending. He didn’t believe it much mostly because you know “Discovery Channel…” so… whether or not December this year could be an end… is pretty remote of a possibility. I think for most Muslims it’s just anecdotal in a way, like we would laugh it off… Like we believe that no one knows the date for the end of the world, so in not knowing the date then that means the Mayans can’t know the date. Which means, December this year CAN’T be the date. But then again in defining not knowing the date, one must also not be able to know when is not the date… so saying that December could be… you get the drift. He didn’t.

And then we went on talking what would I do… you know trying to imagine say… the final moments of our lives here… I am not very good at imagining things. I don’t know why I was reminded of the stray dogs at that point. Masa aku kecik dulu aku selalu pergi kelas agama which happened weekly. Every week I had to go through a back alley with many stray dogs straying which eventually became one of the many excuses to skip classes. One day I was confronted by my Ustaz on why I always missed classes who at the end of his lecture gave me a short prayer to protect myself from the dogs. The following day, with vigour I walked through the back alley and long story short the prayer didn’t work as I expected. When I told the Ustaz about the incident, his answer was that I did not believe enough and he also managed to tell me not to ask too many questions. The dogs in alley were gunned down a few weeks after – I guess the prayer did work – to a certain extent. The dog story was pretty much what was in my head when I tried imagining about the end of the world.

I said to my friend, but then again… the end of the world would depend on the definition of both end and world. To which he replied… “heh?” yea its true you know… I’ve met someone who claims her world ended when her boyfriend dumped her so that means the world means relationship and an end means a full stop in the journey of the relationship. No? He said… “yeahh… maybe, but you know I’m not into all this philosophical bullshit and stuff”. I remembered when I was a kid, I saw my mother crying when my father passed away… I thought at that point… it could possibly be an end to our world. But over time, I guess like what the ,mayans wrote, it’s an end of a cycle.

After that, I think we went on arguing whether God exists or not… to which we agree we are not imposing each other which only means the argument had no ending. Suddenly atas meja tu, one damn lipas crawled on it, we both screamed, fuck that was embarrassing and then we decided to go off.

That night I couldn’t sleep, thinking about the end of the world and then I started stuffing pills. Zolpidem, Mirtazapine, Benzodiazepine and even cough medicines but I was still awake. Lepas tu masa aku sibuk menguap dan periksa muka aku dekat cermin, I made two observations… one aku rasa muka aku dah tak simetrikal, second my hair is falling off. I’m going bald.

And then instead of worrying about the possibility of the world ending, I started worrying about my hair. So as usual, when I’m worried, I would call my mom. Mind you it was 3 in the morning, so our on conversation was pretty brief.

“Hello, mak, rambut orang nak botak dah, how?
“Mana ada botak… you have high forehead, Chinese people think you are smart, you ikut your father tu”
“Oh okay… mak do you believe it when people say this year is Kiamat?”

My mother then laughed and said “Don’t think so much, drink water and go to sleep, if you’re not I am, Assalamualaikum”

And then she puts down the phone. I sat on my bed for about 5 minutes. And then I remember my friend asking me… Imagine the world is ending and you have about 5 minutes… what would you do? Well I guess… Most likely… I’ll write a monologue. And it will be called “How I learned to stop worrying about the end of the world and love my mother…”



i am going to feed the trolls. here goes.

a) Troll number one

cubalah tulis secara berfalsafah, dan perhaps you boleh quote mana-mana kata-kata ahli falsah untuk support kata-kata you. Kan best.... :)))

- what would be the point of writing a blog if i want to copy paste other people's thoughts. what are you? slow? i am writing conceptually, that means you have to have a philosophical understanding of what i wrote. i am not surprised why you left an anonymous comment. thank god for that.

b) Troll number two

First i found your twitter and then landed on this blog. Why all the above clowns are against something that could benefit the rakyat as a whole? Because we can't afford? Haven't you hard how much we lost annually due to corruption ? BILLIONS! 

and all these clown even say without PTPTN how the students gonna eat? Their plan is to abolish current PTPTN debts. Means you pay nothing. It is true that our oil is drying up, but so does our government's intellectuality. We rank so low in transparency index, corruption and top bribery table. imagine all these rakyat's money goes to funding free education. is that impossible?

- Yawn. Exact carbon copy of what politicians will throw at your face. How's your face clown?

That was fun. Speak soon.


Friday, November 02, 2012

Life in summary is just a piece of cake...

you'll reach a point in your life where it becomes about a piece of cake, or two. as it says that you can't eat the cake and have it too - it is all logical that when you have one piece of cake, you either keep it or eat it, whichever you choose voids the other option. but then again you could work to buy more cakes but the problem with that is time, you won't have time to consume them, so you will end up just stocking on cakes and hungry. there are some who are born with two pieces of cakes or more - lucky, but it might get worse with greed. greed makes you feel no amount of cake is enough and life then is just about acquiring cakes instead of either eating or keeping them or simply being happy with what you have.

so what do you do now when you reach that point in life where it is all about a piece of cake? what do you do with time and what do you say to greed? if you were to ask me, i would say just eat them cakes and be happy.


Thursday, October 25, 2012

lunch break

this post is best read accompanied by non diegetic sound - you can try pink floyd.

first of, it's not that i haven't been writing, or haven't been productive, on the contrary, i have been super productive. our production house is up and running - our first tele is out with close to 700 thousand viewership excluding online, my screenplay has been approved of funding - to be shot next year and Projek Disko Baldi is going on air next year as well - all this while i still enjoy my day job in the financial market. so for those who are still asking why am i not in this full time, i hope that answers your question.

secondly, just a mental note to myself, say something because you have something to say not because you have to say something. similarly to writing, only write what matters because your writing alone doesn't matter much.

catch you soon.



people really need to define this label 'diva' correctly. in an office setting, when you are hiring, you either meet his demands or if you can't afford it, find someone else. you don't call a potential candidate a diva because he demands a high pay, he values himself highly and so what, that is none of your business, don't hire him.


short note

to think is easy. anyone can produce thoughts. however ridiculous they could be. what's harder is learning how to think which in this case should be priority for everyone. learning how to think basically gives you a firm structure which from that branches out into many vertex that eventually shapes who you are. without that structure you as an amalgamation of thoughts can be just shapeless.

you can easily read people from the way they answer questions. sometimes the best way to argue is to ask questions. someone who answers questions without a clear structure will eventually get tired of his own points and give up.


Saturday, August 18, 2012

nota akhir ramadhan

phew! God, this blog has been quiet for ages. keep promising myself to post but keep failing. anyway, enough disclaimer, as usual, my thoughts in my favourite format, the point-form.

a) when you say things, ask yourself whether or not you have something to say. sometimes you do have something to say and that's good - but saying something because you have to say something is equivalent to making sounds. when you make only sound... you are devoid of content, a filler in between dramatic progression of a trashy film. imagine gambar ekzos yang bingit dalam filem rempit, right before the race starts.

b) extending the idea in point (a) further, to those who labeled me a neutralist when it comes to politics, which i believe means, i don't take sides and not standing up for anything clearly, you have to say something in response to my points- but i guess that's about it. you may think you are taking sides, but taking sides with politicians no matter how flimsy the idea is, instead of ideas is pretty much the same as being indifferent. so yes i take sides, i stood up.

c) let's relate to point (b) and talk about politicians, well for fear of generalising, some of them, not all. if you listen closely to some, you will find out that when they speak, they speak of the subjective and vague, they speak of tomorrow, the future of the generation, they speak of change, they speak of aspirations, morality... everything... nebulous. nebulous is, to me, is having between nothing much or nothing to say.  it's like when asked whether he thinks it will rain - the answer would come in a long essay explaining how useful the rain is and what we should do if the rain comes or in the event where it is absent. instead of a yes or no.

d) about politics. people who swell his chest and say "i hate politics" are perhaps imbecilic - bertold brecht said this and i am merely agreeing. you see while it is fine being ignorant, what you must know is, the government is elected based on much the people know what's going on, laws are made based on how much you care... and not how much you ignore. even if you think what you think isn't important, trust me, it is better than to have no thoughts of your own at all - particularly so on politics, because the least you could do is take charge of your life.

e) enough bout politics. well i've been reading comments on youtube for "strangers". i would like to thank everyone who spent a bit of time to watch it.

f) some of the comments are just retarded. comparing between petronas commercial and bernas is really a complete waste of time. a screwdriver and a spanner both are tools, but can you say which one is better? the answer is, depends on what you wanna do. you can't loosen a screw with a spanner and then say screwdriver wins - that's pretty dumb. similarly, people have different intepretations of what raya is, saying one vehicle that appeals to your emotion better than the other is pretty pointless. again you are saying stuff because you have to say something.

g) actually, come to think of it, with the Internet, more and more people can say stuff, best part is, now they have audiences - we can't stop them, but what we can do for now is just don't attend to their shows. pick other battles.

g) anyway, positive vibe. last day of puasa today, selamat hari raya everyone. have a good one. love love.


Tuesday, June 05, 2012


a) let's look at a chart. data courtesy of Fitch. plotted by me.

the chart above depicts GDP per capita. the data above compared malaysia against all other countries providing free education. what is per capita GDP? well it reflects standard of living. face fact here, except against Tunisia, Sri Lanka, Kenya and a few others we are not doing too well. someone was comparing us to finland the other day, that's apple to monkey, but hey, you decide.

b) i guess looking at the chart above, priority is to bring us on par with the better countries - and then figure out whether free education is viable. we are now stuck in what we call the middle income trap. we are not that cheap, we are not that wealthy. we are not too skillful neither. we are going no where. if your argument is, "hence why free education" that is equivalent to spending more onto something that doesn't work. not only you are maintaining a batshit system - expecting different results - you are now proposing to stretch further by providing it for free.

c) we, and by we i mean specifically the malays should quickly lose this sense of entitlement for everything. we work hard, we get things we want with dignity. i will die for you defending that.

d) with politicians, do not ever forget to ask 'how' and 'why'. just listening to what they will do is only half reality.

e) again, please don't get me wrong. i am not against free education here. i believe it deserves a space for a discussion with regards to possibility of implementation somewhere in the future and only when we first address our priorities and succeed. if anyone were to say, they will give out free education upon winning election - then yes, i am against it.

f) and... saying i am against an idea, does not mean i am against PR or i am with them, it means i am against it, if you 'no like', debate the idea not debate the debate.

g) this would be my final entry on free education. to those who asked about my thoughts on the recent debate, well personally i wasn't sure whether the debate really laid out merits of abolishing our student fund (PTPTN) and hence free education exhaustively - a lot of the points centered around how political parties wish to spend the money and why people should put them into power. personally, if you are in the position of power, you can do whatever you wish to do - even if it means something that doesn't make sense like for instance make it a law that every student keep monkeys as pets.

h) saying that though i'm glad the debate took place. i wish more of the same and perhaps over time the majority will start thinking critically of things and not just take sides asking "what's in it for me."


Thursday, April 19, 2012

this is free education

a) rumah, hak asasi, pinjam 500 ribu bayar 1.15 juta. so what's next, housing estate is not a business? really?

b) the right to be heard. trust me, you WERE heard. otherwise i won't be writing this. but that doesn't mean the world will change for you. change 'you' first.

c) free education policy. some people claim to achieve this without spending much. they plan to build 10 universities and spend circa 2 billion a year either through more debt or pressing petronas. really? that would work? who are you kidding?

d) without ptptn, people are deprived of options. so where do students go to now if they wish to pursue degree in private colleges? bank loans?

e) education is a business. a good business sector in fact. best colleges in the world are all private. at best, free education can only apply for primary, not tertiary. such system is built to motivate people to become better. you work hard, you'll get some.

f) logic. if first class students get waived, it is highly likely those who are occupying dataran are not first class students. i guess, the easy way out is protesting rather than aiming first class. ah! such is life. sorry i digressed.

g) malaysia needs 150 billion to operate every year. oil is depleting with dividend payment from petronas being reduced to 30 billion a year. malaysia is currently borrowing to grow. thus, priority - plug leakages, reduce expenses and increase productivity - not free stuff.

h) politicians are usually the creator of the issue and then they offer themselves to become the solution. it has happened many times. deduce.

i) don't get me wrong. i love free things. i have no reason to go against such policy except for knowing that it doesn't make sense. but above all, what frustrates me is the subsidy mentality we have. we are already walking on crutches, are we now asking for a turbo-charged wheel chair?

j) wake up.


Sunday, January 15, 2012


a few months back, a friend came up to me and said, "you know van gogh during his career as a painter, managed to sell only about one or two paintings during his life, cut off his ears and then committed suicide." he added, what happened after he passed on is now seen as 'success' worldwide which means wealth or money by van gogh's standards can't be a definition of success. to which i agreed.

putting that in perspective though, while i like van gogh, i am almost certain that i have no reason to be him and therefore i don't need to be van gogh to consider myself successful. i too believe that hypothetically, if van gogh was still alive today, he might not think any other better paying profession besides being an artist would fit him.

so i guesss, that just made the first two paras of this entry seemingly pointless. but there is a point to this, in which i believe the definition of success isn't as important as HOW we define it. so are many other definitions in this world, it is HOW we define it that matters and not the definition.

so, how do we define success? fame? followers? power? what? you see each person has his own way of defining success. but when in a group, success then becomes nothing but mathematical averages in which the definition of success is then defined by aligning the views of the majority. saying this means, how the society defines success will reflect the advancement of the society itself.

it is quite apparent that here in malaysia success is still defined by how much money one have. for example, MLM business, i doubt that anyone when he was a kid, wants to sell instant coffee for a pyramid scheme, but all ambitions are lost due to the pressure of keeping up with the society. awarding moviemakers who achieved high box office collection for instance is another example which is rather bizarre. it's like giving money for someone who has a lot of money. whatever one does isn't important for as long as money is in the play. X = money = success in which X here could be anything you could think of. this X is also the reason why a lot of things in malaysia are still in the gutter.

i'm not saying we can't see wealth as a success factor, we can if we want to as i believe we don't all have to be like van gogh to be considered successful. there is no definition good enough to measure success anyway. but one thing i am sure of, for as long as we see success being 'how much money we have,' we will never produce our own van goghs.


Monday, December 26, 2011

some might say

1) maybe a whole lot of us when we were young were called 'kurang ajar' when we argue with adults. instead of considering or arguing the points, most people argue on why we argue.

2) and i believe this is deeply entrenched in the society that it is reflected everywhere this, "saya yang menurut perintah" attitude. in a bigger context it describes malaysian politics as well. most of the time when we argue, we will be reminded on how much we are 'terhutang budi' to these political parties. the recent "aku nak ludah muka kau" video was a new low of how mature we are as a society.

3) politicians rarely debate on points and most politicians are seemingly lost whenever they talk. for instance, i saw once on TV3, a politician who claimed that he has evidence that some people in the opposition have lost faith with the party's survival and leadership and then another politician who claimed that he believed some people from the incumbent political party have jumped ship. never once both politicians use numbers to illustrate this, how many, what is the ratio, what is the percentage change. 3 people out of 3 million do not describe what is going on and most of the time this is concealed by sophistry - a mere spin.

4) most politicians may use religion as a tool. because they know that most people won't argue with religion. this isn't true, scholars argue all the time. once i was at an international gathering of islamic bankers and scholars of islamic finance. they started arguing as soon as the conference commenced at 8.00 am in the morning. politicians aren't scholars, even if they are does not mean that they can't be argued. however, what you need to do here is argue systematically. to argue systematically would require you to have facts and figures. and academics is the fastest way to earn it.

5) which is why, college students who are active in politics but fail to excel in academics are almost the same with our current generation of politicians on average. a guy once told me, "biarlah, diorang ni bakal jadi pemimpin nanti..." - well my answer to that is, if they want to lead me then they better be smarter than me. without knowledge, politics is just... shit.

6) so, when you have a kid, please do not call him 'kurang ajar' or 'disrespectful' just because he argues with you. i know i won't.


Thursday, December 22, 2011

people suck, math rules

3^3/3^2= 27/9 = 3
or 3^(3-2)=3^1 = 3
so 3^3/3^3=3^(3-3)=3^0=1
hence anything^0 = 1