i am tired. tired of having thoughts. thoughts upon thoughts upon thoughts that would lead to something something and eventually someone would disagree and then more thoughts and thoughts and thoughts. i am tired of jejune accommodation of thoughts in which some would always be reading full stops and the end sign as some thoughts are different from the overall collective. the overall collective would opine and that is like committing genocide. the systematic killing of an individual, of personality and of freedom. freedom to express thoughts which are strangely tiring. it is tiring. tiring. you with your thoughts and me with my thoughts and we are forced to co-exist in the same space having to be civilised, civilised so we won't end up in jail. we bicker, we hate and we libeled each other or kill each other if we ever had the chance over thoughts upon thoughts upon thoughts that lead to the production of the commodity known as opinions that created this grand illusion that everyone has the right to opine. illusion opinions matter. matter. it does. it does not? opinions matter only to those who put matter to it. but those who would spend time putting a value on a certain opinion may perhaps be doing it out of courtesy. oh jejune jejune. opinions, thoughts, tiring.
tiring. but someone's gotta do it.
Sunday, October 20, 2013
been meaning to get this uploaded here. this is transcript of a speech i gave at a university during an event recently. an example of so many things I wanted to write here but I haven't. anyway, enjoy.
Good evening. First of, I would like to thank all of you for having me here, truly and honour to be in the presence of bright young people such as yourselves. In truth, when I was first invited to give this speech, I thought it'd be one of those about films and what I think about films - of which I replied with a 'yes'. But apparently not and I was wrong, so... my first message tonight is read your emails and stop assuming. After finding out the purpose of this speech I was a bit reluctant but then again the lady who contacted me ensured that this would be fun and perhaps we both could learn something from each other tonight, so thanks again.
So who am I? Well, my name is Redza Minhat and some of you may know me as that actor guy, but besides that I've written plays and screenplays, and also happen to be a producer - and this is the part I'm going to do a bit of marketing, my film is coming out next year so... yea support local! And also, those things I've mentioned, I managed to do during my spare time while I work during the day as a banker.
So to answer your question, 'who am I?' Well I was once like you, once a student, hopeful for a career, but someday, you will become like me, and that's where I think some of stuff I've experienced and would like to share may be useful in the future. So there we go, I've answered why am I here and who am I, as such, with your indulgence, I'm just going to yap for about 15 minutes, no big deal just 4 big points, perhaps things you've heard before and I'm just going to let you figure it out. And for the benefit of everyone, I've set a timer so I won't go long.
One of the questions given to me before I wrote this was, how do I find balance between having to work and doing things I love, well guys, that brings us to my first point... Before even thinking about balancing, you gotta know what you love doing.
Finding what you love, or do what you love. God. Such cliche, this has been told so many times and if I were you sitting there listening to me, I would've skipped this part. But then again, think about it, since it has been told so many times, it must then, be true, right? And guess what? It is true, you can take that to the bank! Working life can be very very depressing, most will be introduced to this thing called a routine, waking up early, stuck in traffic for hours, stuck at work for hours and then back home salvaging whatever that is left. Highlights of your life would be mostly, weekends and year end holidays if you could afford any. And then one day, after going through the same cycle every single day, you'd ask yourself... "Hmmm... where did it all go, youth? Hope?" - Some people said to me, that they are 'okay' with what they do, I mean, they don't hate it but neither do they like it... and I would call this a sweet spot mediocrity, and in the long run this too gets frustrating. Don't go for that.
So finding what you love doing. Of course, it's difficult, no one says it's going to be easy. You know, to find what you love and then turn it into a sustainable life long career - only very few lucky people could achieve it. I myself, is still trying to figure it out. The best you could do for now, is have a plan and keep looking. In my case, it was purely accidental, once in school, I was trying to skip those evening preparatory classes when a teacher grabbed me into a hall and offered me a role as a 'tree' for a stage production. I thought, "jadi pokok, how hard can that be?" and that was it, found what I love. So find what you love doing, find your passion, absolutely zero formulas for that, pretty much like choosing a partner, your best bet is to keep looking and to that I wish you good luck!
Once you've succeeded in finding what you love doing then comes the next question, how do you find time? Which is my next point. Finding time.
I'm going to share a short story on this, it's about a friend of mine who studied philosophy. Once I was having coffee with him and I was complaining that I just don't have time to do things. To which he replied, "That's true, you don't." And I was like... "U-huh?" And then he said, "Well think about it, time is only fictional, it doesn't really exist except conceptually, it is a concept. You can't divide it into units like one would divide things, time is just perception and it's only feature is that it moves..." It occurred to me then that this friend of mine is crazy but, there is some truth in what he said. Time does not really exist except conceptually and therefore, you can make it up. Make time. So since you can make it up, and it is not logically wrong, ask yourself this, "Now how do I make time." In my case for instance, I walk faster than I walked before, I take very short meal breaks and I don't watch TV as much. And be efficient, time is created that way. Anyhow, trust me, if you love some thing, you'll find time, you'll create time. But for a start, you could try walking faster!
My third point is on success. One of the best quotes I read was when I was 16, it was by Albert Camus, he said, "Life is the sum of all your choices." And that is how I see success, some say success is wealth, I think what would be better than that is having options towards achieving wealth or ultimately happiness. I believe, if I want a fulfilling life, I should then strive to expand the universe of choices and options I could possibly have in life. For instance, staying fit and healthy, this is the most basic requirement for a person to be able to access choices in life. Making friends, to learn new things to be brave of course the list could go on but I believe you get the idea.
And lastly, my final point is, and this... is the cliche-est tonight, it is for you to love yourself. Really you must. And this is only possible if you first accept yourself, accepting flaws while working on your strength. By the way, do not confuse 'loving yourself' with vanity or narcissism, then again, I believe bright young scholars such as you would understand. Most importantly, if you love yourself, you won't have room for hate or to hate... and the world could use more of that these days.
I wish you could have read what I wrote here cause I did put a smiley face right after that sentence.
So... that's it, that's all I have for tonight, and like I said, I'll leave the figuring out part to you young and bright people. May someday, we meet again and who knows we might even work together. I would like to wish all of you the best in everything, thank you for your indulgence and thanks again for having me here.