JIWA KENTANG LENYEK

a few months back, a friend came up to me and said, "you know van gogh during his career as a painter, managed to sell only about one or two paintings during his life, cut off his ears and then committed suicide." he added, what happened after he passed on is now seen as 'success' worldwide which means wealth or money by van gogh's standards can't be a definition of success. to which i agreed.

putting that in perspective though, while i like van gogh, i am almost certain that i have no reason to be him and therefore i don't need to be van gogh to consider myself successful. i too believe that hypothetically, if van gogh was still alive today, he might not think any other better paying profession besides being an artist would fit him.

so i guesss, that just made the first two paras of this entry seemingly pointless. but there is a point to this, in which i believe the definition of success isn't as important as HOW we define it. so are many other definitions in this world, it is HOW we define it that matters and not the definition.

so, how do we define success? fame? followers? power? what? you see each person has his own way of defining success. but when in a group, success then becomes nothing but mathematical averages in which the definition of success is then defined by aligning the views of the majority. saying this means, how the society defines success will reflect the advancement of the society itself.

it is quite apparent that here in malaysia success is still defined by how much money one have. for example, MLM business, i doubt that anyone when he was a kid, wants to sell instant coffee for a pyramid scheme, but all ambitions are lost due to the pressure of keeping up with the society. awarding moviemakers who achieved high box office collection for instance is another example which is rather bizarre. it's like giving money for someone who has a lot of money. whatever one does isn't important for as long as money is in the play. X = money = success in which X here could be anything you could think of. this X is also the reason why a lot of things in malaysia are still in the gutter.

i'm not saying we can't see wealth as a success factor, we can if we want to as i believe we don't all have to be like van gogh to be considered successful. there is no definition good enough to measure success anyway. but one thing i am sure of, for as long as we see success being 'how much money we have,' we will never produce our own van goghs.

fin

some might say

1) maybe a whole lot of us when we were young were called 'kurang ajar' when we argue with adults. instead of considering or arguing the points, most people argue on why we argue.

2) and i believe this is deeply entrenched in the society that it is reflected everywhere this, "saya yang menurut perintah" attitude. in a bigger context it describes malaysian politics as well. most of the time when we argue, we will be reminded on how much we are 'terhutang budi' to these political parties. the recent "aku nak ludah muka kau" video was a new low of how mature we are as a society.

3) politicians rarely debate on points and most politicians are seemingly lost whenever they talk. for instance, i saw once on TV3, a politician who claimed that he has evidence that some people in the opposition have lost faith with the party's survival and leadership and then another politician who claimed that he believed some people from the incumbent political party have jumped ship. never once both politicians use numbers to illustrate this, how many, what is the ratio, what is the percentage change. 3 people out of 3 million do not describe what is going on and most of the time this is concealed by sophistry - a mere spin.

4) most politicians may use religion as a tool. because they know that most people won't argue with religion. this isn't true, scholars argue all the time. once i was at an international gathering of islamic bankers and scholars of islamic finance. they started arguing as soon as the conference commenced at 8.00 am in the morning. politicians aren't scholars, even if they are does not mean that they can't be argued. however, what you need to do here is argue systematically. to argue systematically would require you to have facts and figures. and academics is the fastest way to earn it.

5) which is why, college students who are active in politics but fail to excel in academics are almost the same with our current generation of politicians on average. a guy once told me, "biarlah, diorang ni bakal jadi pemimpin nanti..." - well my answer to that is, if they want to lead me then they better be smarter than me. without knowledge, politics is just... shit.

6) so, when you have a kid, please do not call him 'kurang ajar' or 'disrespectful' just because he argues with you. i know i won't.

fin

people suck, math rules

3^3/3^2= 27/9 = 3
or 3^(3-2)=3^1 = 3
so 3^3/3^3=3^(3-3)=3^0=1
hence anything^0 = 1

fin

Why so much hate?

why.

TAKUT

points below were written by tun mahathir about 'hantu' movies and the plight of the malays. or maybe he too shouldn't say anything because he didn't contribute to the industry, you tell me.

25. Kita dapati ramai yang gemar mendengar cerita seram. Menyedari akan kegemaran ini banyaklah filem yang dibuat sekitar hantu, toyol dan makhluk luar biasa yang menakutkan. Filem seperti ini sering ditunjuk di TV dan pawagam.

26. Mungkin pengeluar filem seram ini mendapat keuntungan. Tetapi cerita-cerita seperti ini tidak menolong remaja menolak kepercayaan kepada yang karut yang tidak membina peribadi yang baik. Kes-kes hysteria ada kaitan dengan kepercayaan yang karut.

27. Menjadi penakut memalukan. Bangsa yang penakut tidak boleh dibanggakan. Janganlah kita sengaja menjadikan bangsa kita bangsa penakut. Sebaliknya cubalah supaya bangsa kita jadi lebih berani. Ahli-ahli politik pun tak usahlah cari bomoh kerana ingin menang. Bukan bomoh yang boleh beri kemenangan. Budi yang baik, tingkah laku yang sopan, keperihatinan akan masalah yang dihadapi rakyat yang boleh memberi kemenangan dan kejayaan.

28. Melayu mempunyai banyak sebab-sebab yang menghalang kejayaan mereka. Tidaklah perlu kita tambah halangan terhadap kejayaan mereka dengan kepercayaan kepada yang karut-karut.

if going by what you said, that one needs to have a big contribution to be worthy of an opinion, then perhaps those people who are not paying income tax or any tax shouldn't say anything about the country and shouldn't even vote since they are not contributing anything. don't be ridiculous.

polite or rude is up to one's interpretation that makes it a weak reasoning. my mechanic always say "tiu ni ah sing" but i don't call him rude, i looked at the context. you are better off arguing my points.

jangan jadi dangkal kawan.

RM

just a thought

“Wahai manusia! Sesungguhnya binasa orang yang terdahulu daripada kamu kerana mereka itu apabila seorang bangsawan dalam kalangan mereka mencuri, dia dibiarkan. Apabila seorang yang lemah dalam kalangan mereka mencuri, dilaksanakan hukum ke atasnya. Demi Allah! Jika Fatimah anak Muhammad (puteri Rasulullah) itu mencuri, nescaya ku potong tangannya” (Riwayat al-Bukhari dan Muslim)

For as long as we let corrupt leaders go away, we have no right to be proud as Muslims and as a nation. This isn't about being partisan, this is about looking at facts.

fin

aku bukan cheerleader dangkal

well yeah, 2011, about to check out soon. let's see what i have learned throughout the year

1) that being an actor requires one to also keep opinions to himself for fear of backlashes or not getting jobs. in short, selling out, becoming a phony cheerleader.

2) that its a year of uprising. but some people i know, the closest they have ever gotten to an uprising is one in their pants.

3) that i think point number one is useless.

4) that as long as your mother is proud of you, you win.

5) that people who continue to pull you down under the pretense of trying to 'make you better' should just be ignored.

6) that if life suck, you only have yourself to blame.

7) that love is the most powerful source of subjectivity. hence if you are capable to love, there is no reason why you shouldn't believe in God.

8) that it is in our nature to dramatise. to save time, one needs to reduce it. you can also save time by walking faster.

9) that if you don't enjoy something, don't do it, if you get annoyed by someone, stop listening to them. we waste so much time hating stuff we could avoid.

10) that if i do more, give more... i get more.

so... before i end this, God willing 'KIL' will be released in March. despite the outcome, despite whatever backlash, whatever criticism or reaction coming my way, i just want you to know i enjoyed doing it, and i enjoyed the people i did it with.

so to end this, here's to 2012. let it rip. :)

fin

nice innit? (Ben Sollee)

If you’re going to lead my country,
If you’re gonna say it’s free
I’m gonna need
a little honesty

Just a few honest words
It shouldn’t be that hard
Just a few honest words
Is all I need

I don’t need no handshake
No firm look in the eye
Don't tell me what you think I,
I ought to hear

I don’t need no high life
No fancy premiers
Just tell me what you really think
Without fear

Just a few honest words
It shouldn’t be that hard
Just a few honest words
Is all I need

Love is a bitter food
You’ve learned to eat
You still don’t know, oh,
Where it grows

And our love of freedom
Holds a veil over our eyes
Rights that are given
Can be taken away

Just a few honest words
It shouldn’t be that hard
Just a few honest words
Is all I need

We don’t choose our leaders
The choose themselves
Tell me again
About democracy

fin

so what did i say...

filem hantu, tidak membina masyarakat produktif - mencetuskan polemik.

some of you questioned my talent. as in what i could do in this industry.
well. here's what i do. i put words and words together.
and then i weave them into codes. and then i add numbers to seal them.
and then i re-engineer them as a weapon. a weapon that fits nicely into the frontal lobe.
and i use it to crush people.

ok i was kidding. (still using the frontal lobe).

cheers yo. RM

I PAY MY OWN RENT

this photo has nothing to do with the entry. but i bet some will still try to connect it. well then, it is up to you.

1) last night i went to watch a play at stor teater dbp. tickets were rm 20.00 each. i thought the script was intelligently written by the writer, fasyali. fasyali in the past wrote few commentaries about stuff i've done in theater - some of which could be cheekily offensive, but after meeting him last night, i know for a fact that it was just a friendly jab.

2) this morning i was in taman tun dr. ismail. i met a boy who sells calendars for his rumah anak yatim, i bought a few in which each was given a receipt. right afterward, we shot a viral video for a friend's running event. everyone was happy running around and as usual everyone was doing it for free. we had lunch after that and sat down for a few hours talking about the world, nothing heavy, purely event-related stuff which was descriptive rather than idea driven where one's thinking is required. on the way back i thought "life is sometimes perfunctory."

3) when i was a kid growing up in the small town of ayer tawar, there were no cinemas, the first movie i watched was 'fenomena' when i was 9 and the next movie i watched was 7 years laters when i was circa 16 or 17 - a movie starring nic cage called "con air". i didn't know much about movies just perhaps some i enjoyed more than the other.

4) when i was a kid too - it was a daily routine for me to join the 'jemaah' in the surau for maghrib and isya' prayers. between maghrib and isya' there was a blip where i will be wandering outside the confines of the small town i was living in, with my mind, most of the time i would imagine myself as a super hero with a white cape and looking like rashid sidek - whom i thought was pretty good looking back then. of course i am only able to do this if i wasn't asked to get the other old pakciks and Hajis; biskut kepala lutut at the nearby grocery shop.

5) the paragraphs i have written above have nothing in common and absolutely were not written in sequence. the only reason is because, they didn't need to be, i feel like each paragraph tells a different story, i feel that whether or not they are linked does not matter. what matters is the significance of all those random events to me and how important it is for me to document them. and of course since it is my blog, i could write about whatever i want and however i want it.

6) speaking of responsibility, the next thing i want to talk about is on the subject of being anonymous. you see, it is fun being anonymous - as 'anonymous' you could claim yourself being anyone or in fact, anything you want, heck you can even be Barrack Obama - i wouldn't know. the 'fun' part of being anonymous is when one is void of responsibility, like a child. it is of course one's choice to take that responsibility. either that or get yourself a freaking identity.

7) people keep asking me what do i think about pisau cukur. to be honest, i have no thoughts about it except well i enjoyed doing it. it is not up to me to review it so whatever i say or however i feel about it carries no weight. some people called pisau cukur 'rubbish' some people called MY acting 'rubbish' - i could of course retaliate but still, it is NOT within my right to stop them from saying it.

8) in the previous entry someone questioned where i am in the industry. funny. whether or not i am 'someone' in the industry or whether or not i am a 'public figure' it does not matter. it is not something that bothers me anyway.

9) it is never my intention to hurt anyone. but if you were hurt, i am sorry. but saying sorry doesn't mean i take back what i said. why i said it, has been explained and if you wish to argue do so responsibly.

10) yes. rubbish is rubbish. i wish to move on and therefore anymore comments about the previous entries shall not be entertained.

love - RM.

Proper Review

about the previous entry, some said i wasn't being fair, some demanded a proper review and some saying i was seeking publicity through my blog. first of, since the day this blog was first written the tone has never changed, read through it and you'll find out. as such, 'seeking publicity' is an accusation which is uncalled for. but of course i wouldn't resort to calling names because i believe they are entitled to do so. but here is how i see it from a logic standpoint, 'publicity' would only be beneficial to me if i am doing this for a living. however that is not the case and as such doesn't make sense, pointless and irrelevant. perhaps why they love the movie so much.

however, i would like to address about the reasons behind the previous entry. and for the benefit of everyone i will 'try' and write some parts in bahasa melayu. be entertained.

1) on 'sampah'. untuk menjawab berkenaan sampah saya akan memberikan satu 'paralel'. pernah makan makanan ringan? makanan ringan jikalau diterjemahkan dalam bahasa inggeris berbunyi 'junk food'. apa yang dimaksudkan dengan 'junk'? rujukan cepat ke wiktionary memberi maksud sama iaitu sampah atau barang lapuk. ding dang, tora, sugus, super ring - kesemuanya terkelompok dalam jenis makanan ringan. makanan ringan hanya memberi kesedapan 'artificial' tidak berzat dan hanya membuang masa jikalau dilihat daripada aspek faedah pemakanan. jadi di sini secara paralel, filem tersebut boleh saya kategorikan sebagai makanan ringan atau dalam bahasa inggerisnya, junk food. sebagai contoh, babak dalam surau yang memaparkan 'keinsafan' yang dikarikaturkan, walaupun menghiburkan (for some) kerana bersifat slapstik selain meringankan isu berat (agama) adakah ianya sama dengan menikmati juadah lazat lagi berzat yang mak you masak? you tell me. so you get the drift, it is 'sampah'. dan jikalau dibandingkan dengan tora, ianya agak mahal.

2) formula. okay i'm tired of writing in malay, as you can see above, writing in malay is not time efficient and im writing this on my lunch break. anyway, on formula, well, its a movie that combines rempit and hantu, so why not. i don't see a reason why shouldn't they also include the word gangster in the title which would probably rake in another 8 million or 12? but here's the thing, in any industry there should be an ethic to making money, in fact even religion says so. the movie brings more harm in its message than positive, feel free to argue on this. you see on top of the many millions they've raked in, they get additional cash from astro first. so i think it is only fair that the movie makers are more responsible in making money.

3) now how does one become responsible? simple, quality. and this is where the movie is clearly lacking. the plot defied logic, was too weak while being caught in a web of unnecessary subplots which weren't even resolved. you may say, "it's a comedy!" well my reply to that is yes its a comedy which deserves a punch in the face.

4) terlalu banyak 'kebetulan'. contohnyalah, in one scene where zizan and his girlfriend were having conversation, secara kebetulan abang si girlfriend muncul untuk 'sound' si zizan dan secara kebetulan juga kawan si zizan (tai) cuba membunuh diri di tempat berdekatan, kesemuanya terjadi dalam 'perfect sequence' - i see this as either nak jimat duit tanak pakai banyak location or the scriptwriter is plain amateurish - which means he doesn't know how to break up the scenes - like i said earlier this is 'junk food' material. but hey, they got 8 million anyway.

5) let's go back to junk food. if you have a kid, and you know he loves junk food, and you never educate them why junk food isn't good and if consumed excessively would bring harm - would he know? the same as movie-maker, i am not saying they should play a parenting role but more of a guidance, to guide the movie industry in the right path - which means being responsible at making money. when you have a kid, you will not have him stuck in standard 1 forever, right? so think about it.

6) i know for a fact that i am a nobody in this 'industry' (if you could call it that). but hey, i don't even want to be somebody or anybody, i'm fine being a small fry as long as i could still enjoy the stuff im doing. i'll still do it regardless of what you think. and yes, i'll still write about it even if you were to treat me like garbage cause the only thing you can't do is take one's mind away.

7) the choice is really ours, just so you know 'jangan pandang belakang' which i enjoyed was first produced in 2007, about half a decade ago. what we see today is just an evolution of that with slight modification, that the ghosts are now on wheels.

like i said, if this is the case, what's stopping "Bohsia Hantu Gangster"?

yang benar - small fry, redza minhat.

Sampah yang mahal

i have never reviewed a movie - proper. last night we decided to watch hantu bonceng in which at the end of the whole thing i felt compelled to write about it in full. by the end of this entry, i will ensure that the movie is being demolished entirely. so here, goes.

SAMPAH.

that's how my review started. but it took me a good 5 minutes to continue.

WHY DID I PAY FOR SAMPAH?

and then my mind went blank again like looking at a crumpled sketch paper. a minute later, my mind started wandering about baboons, monkeys and of various single cell organisms.

2 minutes later i threw out the rubbish.

so... yea.

i changed my mind, it is really hard to review something so pointless.

fin

final two minutes of 14 september

a) according to newton, an object will stay at rest or stay in motion unless acted on by a net external force - which means, an object travelling at a certain velocity in a straight line will travel straight if there isn't any external force stopping it. resistance of the force is known as inertia. if we simplify this, it pretty much means we are all naturally just a reactive element, and this ladies and gentlemen is very much relatable to the craft called acting, as some would say 'reacting' instead of 'acting'.

b) for example, if you see a guy jumping around like a kangaroo in a drama or a movie, to me, that particular action by the actor could be classifid as either 'retarded' or he was being disturbed or provoked into doing it. most of the dramas we see on tv these days, the characters are rarely provoked into doing such unreasonable actions such as screaming out of context, crying loudly out of context or literally moving around like monkeys. yes, literally. feel free to prove me wrong on this.

c) which leads to some commentaries about choices i made as an actor - especially on screen which is usually described as 'kaku' or stiff. you see whenever in a scene my motivation is only the necessary actions written in the script or merely a reaction to the other actors. in other words, i do not jump around like monkeys to prove i am embracing the craft called acting unnecessarily.

d) if i were to expand this further, my writing in general is also merely a reaction to the observation of the surrounding. for instance, whenever i made fun of atheists or activists (funny how they actually rhyme!) it is merely a reaction and most of the time a reaction to being imposed of things i do not agree to.

e) saying the above, i rarely see myself playing the role of a provocating agent. in fact if ever i did so, please accept my apology.

f) so remember, an object travelling in a straight line will remain the way it is unless disturbed - hence, disturb with care.

g) this post was written in two minutes, if you caught mistakes, nyeh, who cares.

till soon. love, love, hugs, hugs.

fin

things are things as they are

kalau dindingnya tinggi
saya panjat
kalau dindingnya rendah
saya lompat
ilusi tentang saiz dinding itu
takkan buat saya gelisah.

fin

disaster

a) when i was dating my wife back then, once i brought her to watch a malay movie in the cinema, she fell sick literally after the movie.

b) since then i would usually watch malay films either alone or with other friends who are into self inflicted pain.

c) i have an original dvd copy of the movie above. in retrospect, the worst purchase ever.

d) i am not sure whether the above can be considered as an artwork from the directing, writing, acting and even camera work. for a start, before we even discuss about logic i think if you want to appear as if you have the ability to converse in english, as an actor you are responsible to learn how to do it.

e) the movie however allegedly grossed around 2 - 3 million.

fin

sahur thoughts

i don't know if you noticed but no love stories are similar, let's just say hypothetically there are about 6 billion love stories (because there are about 6 billion people in this planet), believe it or not, those stories remain exclusive to its own. you could offer conjectures as to why people love people, money, sex, food, shelter, fear, science or even social convention but none can be verified except by those who own those stories and even then, they might be lying.

i believe trying to find similarity or trying to see these stories from your own point of view equals a mere generalisation which is shallow and perfunctory. because i believe love, like faith is just inexplicable except only to oneself.

one thing for sure, love stories keep you going, it gives you hope. the world could crumble one day but you'll never fall short of love stories. hence if i were to make a bet, i'll bet on love... which means betting on faith.

you can stop here or continue reading because i will finish this with a line or two about faith. because in the end, like a love story, faith towards religion or God or whatever it is out there can only be two. yours and mine.

imposing your views will never change that fact. salam ramadhan.

fin

movies galore

a) oscar wilde said, there's no point in writing when you don't annoy anyone. i subscribe to that. so if you've been annoyed, don't take it to the heart.

b) here's my review of Flat 3A.

"what were they smoking? i want some."

c) ghost stories in malaysia broadly have one similar formula. all characters will do scary stuff. like you know checking a dead body at midnight. or having conversation in dark places, for a strange reason, most scenes are played in a room with one light bulb. or live in a rundown apartment that was so obviously haunted.

d) adding to the point above,most actors in scary movies are judged by how scared they could look on screen.

e) some people commented that, ghost stories or in fact movies broadly are not supposed to make sense or have logic or be 'real' because films aren't supposed to be. unfortunately that is not true. a story is real only in the reality of the story. for instance, writing a story about a guy who has super powers might not be the case in real life but is the case in the story. therefore, what would make sense in that story is a clear logical sequence how he obtains the power. otherwise it would be just random and perhaps become a comedy. saying that i think most movies in malaysia, due to absence of logic are just comedies. bad ones though.

f) another observation is, some of the movies which were badly written have one common weakness, some of the mini conflict created were often left unresolved. 'karak' is a prime case for this.

g) saying that though, i thought "tolong awek aku pontianak" was a fairly good movie. you should catch it if you have the time and resources.

h) salam ramadhan. my wife saw rahim maarof in pasar ramadhan taman tun. she was buying murtabak and there was a super long queue. rahim maarof, as if his skin exudes style, in almost flattish tone looked at the queue and said "kena beratur ke?". if my wife was lying then i am lying.

i) i am watching "sayang you can dance" while writing this post. that information was totally useless and has no bearing in this entry - which is my review of that movie.

h) if you felt annoyed. refer to point number one.

finito.

gold rain, hail stones

a) developing countries mainly countries that produce have to maintain a competitive or crudely 'cheap' currency to attract buyers. countries that consume (mostly developed) like the europeans and americans are not concerned about their currency value mainly because a stronger currency is simply good for them because they could buy things cheap.

b) so here is how it works, developed countries buy from developing producers, developing producers keeping currencies at low level to remain competitive and this goes on for a while. developing nations accumulate currencies of the developed world such as USD or EUR. so what do developing producers, mostly asians do with this accumulated foreign currency? that's right they will reinvest in the safest assets of these currencies which would be their government bonds.

c) in a way, asians are funding the luxurious living of the west. for instance, an unemployed spanish earns about 70% of his last drawn salary from unemployment benefits, last year i met a guy from spain who backpacks around asia on an unemployment benefit. why asia? yes, because we are cheap. and who funded this benefit? that is right, the asians. so don't sulk too much if asians are less cultured.

d) singapore produces almost an equivalent amount of GDP (if not more) with 7 times less population than us. singapore does not have commodities, heck they don't even have water. you might argue that it is a small country but i look at it differently, they are just plain productive. if you were to draw parallel, singapore and most developed countries have moved away from being just producers or sellers into service providers by adding values. singapore for example is one of the strongest global financial hub. yes, beat that.

e) as a continuation of the above, singaporean FDIs stood at USD 38 billion compared to a midget USD 9 billion for Malaysia last year. we are thrashed completely, no two way about it. singapore isn't cheap, singapore doesn't even have commodities yet, FDI was 4 times bigger than us. while here in malaysia, we are still promoting cheap labours as one of FDI attractions. on that note, guess who is second in terms of FDI? Indonesia, why? because they are cheaper than us, dirt cheap. in the long run however, being cheap does not work anymore and this has to change.

f) most people who is backing the current government will always fall back to sentiments, e.g. "disuruh bersyukur". looking at the facts above, we have a structural problem, policy errors upon errors. simple observation, how many were fooled into thinking that MSC will be something big and to be part of it studied IT. where is MSC now?

g) in sum, when najib said he wanted to drive malaysia to the next level, to achieve a high income society i can't help but look back at facts, facts not sentiments. we are pretty screwed front and back, upside down. and on that, to him i shall say. "DIAMLAH".

end.

KIL

Last Friday, July 15th, KIL official trailer was launched, 1639 people shared the trailer on Facebook with more than 20,825 post views. Thank you for sharing and yes keep on spreading love.

On my previous entry, someone asked (as usual an anonymous) why not make smarter movies, something which is not lame.

I have no answer for that except, I am not that insecure about how smart I am.

situations

a) i had a rather awkward situation today. you see, one of the things i enjoy doing is petting stray cats. today i saw a cat, i tried petting him, he kept walking away slowly, so i followed him, he walked off slowly again, it went on and on for a while until i noticed a few aunties were watching me. my right hand was still in a weird position of trying to pet the cat. the cat ran off finally, giving me a glance before he disappeared. the aunties were still staring at me.

b) everytime i am on set to shoot dramas, i will always go through a situation where none of the actors know who i am. when they asked me works i have done in the past, i will always refer to theater stuff i've done. they would usually have this blank expression, like every ounce of interest had been sucked out from their skin. i will always go back to refer to pisau cukur - which i hate. the conversation will always end up with them saying "oh..." and me going off smoking under a tree somewhere.

c) it makes me happy when people want to take photos with me. however some situations are awkward like for instance when a girlfriend wants to take a picture and her boyfriend is operating the picture taking apparatus. i wonder what goes on in the boyfriend's mind. it gets even more awkward when the boyfriend then wants a photo.

d) sometimes when i watch plays, i would cringe looking at actors doing contrived actions like 'trying' to show how angry they are. sometimes it gets awkward when they were staring at me while doing that. i feel naked.

e) one of the weirdest moments in my career as a theater actor was during the staging of romeo and juliet back in 2004. it was a special performance, performed in front of the crown prince, raja nazrin. i played romeo. and during the climatic moment where romeo was about to dunk poison from the vial, this romeo amazingly waved the vial dramatically when he was trying to open the vial. the vial flew over rolling down the stage right in front of the crown prince. all that was left was a vial cap. that romeo drank poison from a vial cap and wished he really died. of course he didn't.

some people think i am weird. but then again, i don't think i am that weird, at least to me.