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Thursday, June 24, 2010

haha haha bodoh



1. Jakarta and Jogjakarta, Indonesia; 20-24 April 2003
Total cost: RM 201,452

Dr Khir, his wife, daughter and maid also went on the trip. The purpose was for delegates 'to study' Indonesia's batik production which was supposed to lead to the opening of a batik factory in Selangor.
Cost of airfare for Dr Khir, his wife, daughter and maid: RM37,695
Miscellaneous cost incurred by the delegates: RM34,404
Spent on two-day rental of a limousine / Mercedes Benz in Jakarta: RM5,800
Paid for two-day rental of a limousine / Mercedes Benz in Jogjakarta: RM5,000

2. Morocco and Paris: 17-24 December 2004
(inclusive of four-day transit in Dubai)
Total cost: RM900,000

The trip, attended by Dr Khir, his wife, children and maid as well as PNSB delegates, was 'to study' Islamic architecture, which could be adopted in Selangor.

The group, which had a reconnaissance trip beforehand, also visited Paris Disneyland to generate ideas for a theme park in Bagan Lalang, Sepang.

They bought tickets to enter the theme park and did not meet any Disneyland representatives.

Cost of official trip: RM416,000
Airfare: RM366,000
Ground arrangements: RM420,000
City travel: RM70,000
Other expenses: RM43,000

3. Honolulu (Hawaii) & Orlando (Florida): 23 December 2007 to 1 January 2008
Total Cost: RM646,841
Additional cash taken: RM101,000

A 'technical study' on the Bagan Lalang theme park was also the pivotal reason for the trip. The group, comprising Dr Khir, his family and PNSB delegates, bought tickets to DisneyWorld and again did not meet any Disneyland representatives.
A tour guide instead took them around. Cost of Dr Khir's luxury suite:RM110,000

Cost of six single superior rooms for the delegates: RM171,000
Cost of one twin-sharing room: RM24,800

Khairiyah claimed that on the trips, Dr Khir and his wife flew only first class.

The itinerary of the US trip also included visits to Miami Beach, island tours, dinner cruises and a Honolulu city tour.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

TO BP

‘Cause I am barely breathing
And I can’t find the air
I don’t know who I’m kidding
Imagining you care
And I could stand here waiting
A fool for another day
But I don’t suppose it’s worth the price, worth the price
The price that I would pay



I say goodbye.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

kegemaran ramli abas

ramli abas kelihatan lebih ceria pada hari itu. pada hari itu ketika beliau meramas tetek lembu. kelihatan jus putih penuh lemak mengalir keluar hasil setiap ramasan.

pada hari itu, nazwan ishak mengikuti rombongan pemuda umno pantai remis untuk melawat ladang tenusu yang telah dicadangkan buat sekian lama. ladang lembu tenusu milik majikan ramli abas.

ramli abas masih meramas-ramas, peluh mula mengalir daripada dahinya. peluh-peluh itu kelihatan seperti askar-askar kerdil dan translusen yang berpusu-pusu untuk roll call. kesemuanya berkumpul, berbaris di dagu. titisan-titisan peluh ramli abas membuakan beliau nampak seksi.

nazwan ishak pula duduk di tepi kandang dalam keresahan sambil membetul-betulkan topi nelayan cap 'Titleist' tiruan yang dibelinya di pasar manila di sabah. entah kenapa, nazwan ishak terasa aneh melihat ramli abas meramas. dia kurang pasti sama ada, perasaan aneh itu datang dari ramli abas yang tegap berkulit hitam-hitam coklat - atau lembu betina yang mekar dan munggil itu - yang juga berwarna hitam-hitam coklat. nazwan ishak masih merenung. kalaulah renungan itu boleh membunuh.
agak kurang pasti siapa yang akan mati. ramli abas atau lembu yang diramas.

ramli masih meramas. kadangkala lidahnya terkeluar akibat khusyuk.

ketika itu, puan jamal jamaliah terus mengujarkan agar mereka meneruskan peninjauan di sekitar ladang tenusu itu. ketua rombongan lantas setuju dan terus membuka peluang kepada peserta rombongan yang kesemuanya kelihatan mandom dan bosan untuk bertanyakan soalan.

secara automatik, otot otot lengan nazwan terpanggil untuk mengangkat tangan. semua mata kuyu kini dijegilkan ke arah nazwan ishak. nazwan ishak masih lagi terpaku, mulut sedikit ternganga dengan tangan yang kejap melayang di udara.

ketua rombongan terus bersuara memecah kesunyian awkward.

"ye encik nazwan?"

nazwan tersentak dan lantas terus menjawab...

"i'll have what he's having..." sambil tersengih menuding jari kepada ramli abas yang masih gigih meramas.

"oh, gelinciran freud..." kata ramli abas dalam hati.

Friday, June 11, 2010

kim jong nam

when i was a kid, most of my friends were older boys. i used to get into fights with them for many reasons, one of it maybe because i used to look like a girl.

i remember this one asshole i used to fight with... it will always start with petty arguments. like for instance...

"wey budak, basikal kau buruk la?"
"basikal kau laaagi buruk"
"basikal kau laaaaaaagi buruk..."
"basikal kau buuruk gila babi"
"basikal kau buuuurruuukk gila babi babi"
"basikal kau laaaaaaaaaaaaaagiiiiii bughok gila babi babi babi babi infiniti"
"diam lah bodoh"

and then he beat me up. it was not a pleasant experience having someone to sit on your face.

so one day. i thought to myself. what is this 'fighting others' all the time. and this thing called argument that almost always will lead to me getting beaten up. then i realised that it was mostly meaningless. so maybe, if i could stop, and just drop it maybe i won't be kicked in the ass. so maybe, whatever they say... just play along and not go against it.

so one day. again i met this asshole on my way to the surau.

"wey bodoh, basikal kau buruk"
"yelah basikal aku burukkk..."
"hahahaha bodoh, habis basikal buruk kau naik buat apa?"
"sebab aku miskin tak ada duit nak beli basikal baru"
"mana ada, bapak aku lagi miskin!"
"yelah bapak kau miskin"
"BAHALOL, KAU CAKAP BAPAK AKU MISKIN?"

and then he sits on my face again - this son of an ustaz asshole. after almost getting my beautiful russian looking nose and very pretty brown eyes almost flattened out of shape - i thought i must change this style of arguing. maybe if i walk away... or maybe smile and walk away, towards the horizon - he'll let me go.

so yea. one day mak aku suruh pergi kedai. he was hangin at this burger shop with his friends.

"wey bahalol, belilah burger"
so. i walked up to him. i smiled and walked away.
"woi pekak ke? BUDAK PEKAK! BUDAK PEKAK KURANG AJAR! WOI BELI BURGER PUN TAKDE DUIT KE?"

i won. he didn't sit on my face that day.
or so i thought.

"Woi... budak pekak, bapak kau bodoh tak ajar kau ke?!"

well sometimes you just can't let go. i went back and slapped him in the face. and kicked his gonads. and then i ran. they eventually caught me and sat on my face again.

i learnt a lesson that day. some people are born to sit on the faces of others. accepting reality is better than going against it.

i haven't met that asshole in a lonnngg time. maybe he might look like this now.



sigh.

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

moving on.



when i was a kid i used to have a cat named ginger. he was a magical cat. everyday after school ill put him under a red laundry basket and pretended i was a magician. the red laundry basket will appear as if it moves around controlled by my mind. that trick never failed to impress aunty Rani the gullible neighbour. her husband was a taxi driver and he sometimes drank too much. their son named Harjit now works as a prison warden in singapore.

ginger had a bad habit - eating in front of the tv. my mother smacks ginger every meal time calling him a "badass" cat. ginger isn't a badass cat. he was just a cat with a bit of magic and of course a stubborn cat who likes having his food in front of the tv. one day, i found out why he doesn't like eating his food where he was supposed to. there was actually a real "badass" cat stealing his food. i kicked the cat's ass but he kept coming back. i got tired and i thought, "yeah eat in front of the tv... whatever" but then my mom came and she smacked ginger and she smacked me as well.

what i realised was. at that point, i was pretty much similar to ginger the cat. both of us can't reason. or credible enough to reason. ginger died about three years later. i think aunty rani's husband died too. from consuming alcohol. i think.

anyway the picture above isn't a photo of aunty rani.