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Monday, May 22, 2006

i am not sure which team i am in

Malaysian football sucks.

That's a nasty way to open and I know it has been said many many times, but of course, after again witnessing the latest development, it had to be said somewhat shamefully.

Consider this: when the whole nation’s agenda is to beat the shit out of its own national football team, something is damn wrong and rotten with the country.

And its not only football.

While we were all sitting in front of the 41’ tv, fat and bloated after gorging ourselves on a heavy diet of bland and tasteless malaysian football, remote control resting on our swollen bellies, flicking from one mind-numbing Piala Malaysia to another, a godly virtuoso realised the pattern and quick to formulate a master plan.

The idea is simple, to bring fourth the drama, i.e. all these small-people-talks about disappointment, anger and hatred and then stage it as one of the biggest showdown in the needless to say; biggest stadium in the country.

At first it might sound like a brilliant brilliant idea but to whom? if we scratch deeper, like picking scabs off the dried wound, the real lopak comes out.

MyTeam is actually a business model capitalising on an arbitrage opportunity. In other words, riskless profit.

With minimum capital and operational spending and with most expenses can be deferred or be offset by sponsors, the RETURNS are strategically ginormous.

Lets put things into perspective and consider the three definitive outcome scenarios: win lose or draw. (Unless if both teams suddenly start beating the crap out of each other causing a big riot which leads to civil war, and the country goes bankrupt. God forbids.)

If myTeam wins, it would be the biggest setback to Malaysia as a footballing nation. Proves to show how FAM and its highly celebrated system can be easily NULLIFIED in less than 3 months led by a Futsal Carpet Trader, who knows more about the English Premier League than the M-League itself, who is not even a certified coach, (at the point of writing).

Players of myTeam will live the rest of their life to remember the day, they beat their own country to crumble in shame nad maybe a few would be absorbed into the state squads, perhaps. Hmmm… not bad ey? And for the people, errr… well, the maximum loss would be the RM10 tickets paid to watch the game LIVE, otherwise… na da! Except maybe a brief feeling, how it feels like to win against a bigger, stronger entity / party. and maybe proving a point.

If Malaysian Team wins, by very very little margin, the effect would be pretty much the same as per above. But if they manage to pull it off with a big margin, say 7-0, most would still congratulate myTeam for their fighting spirit.

And I am sure some Terry Hendra Lee from Kampar will say “Alah… boleh aaaa, belasah… team budak budak”

And a draw… ugh, this deserves a big yawn after all the hype and i refuse to discuss although somehow, I really that think this is the most possible outcome.

To draw a conclusion, we have been robbed, by a deceitful, shadowy cartel of money-mongers and they did so right under our noses which is OK, since the world is one hell of a big CON-JOB anyway. And for that I have to say kudos to all involved for all the hardwork. This is one of the best marketing plan ever which gives us very very twisted outcome in a lot of ways.

As a footballing nation we have been living in dark ages for the past decades, stagnant and on a constant low in terms of international achievement. However under the everything is BOLEH maxim, we never give up hope in light of this, despite all the jeers and mineral bottles ready to be shoved up the players arses, some of us still care about football.

To prove it, I have got with me right now 4 tickets to watch myTeam versus Pasukan Malaysia this coming May 28. Although I am still contemplating whether to go or stay back at home and finish my reading for the exam or help my friend train a monkey, in hope to further reduce outsourcing cost in Malaysia by using Monkeys as manpower.

Who knows we might help to topple India or maybe even China in next year’s AT Kearney’s rating.

Sorry I digressed. I mean that, or watch myTeam live.

Anyhow, as usual, I would like to quote someone, since quoting makes me feel important.

“COME ON BOYS, MAKE MALAYSIA PROUD!” (by kicking Malaysia’s ass) tony fernandes, ceo air asia.

And to whom interested for tickets, please give me a call, I might have a few extras.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

if you can't be yourself, be rosbabi

recently in a privately held conversation between two hot hot hootchie mamas, who are also active friends on friendster, one of them remarked that that dude 'rosbabi' on friendster is a male chauvinist pig with mental issues. first let me clear this out, that that dude, is me.

and although, that dude, i.e. me, is an annoyingly pompous bastard, who is also a half baked social outcast who fits neither awkwardly nor nicely in the social strata, (in other words a living zombie)... he does not have any mental issues neither a chauvinist which will be explained in a latter part of this flick.

first off, the name rosbabi is not so unusual. if i had it translated to "Piggy Rose", i bet none would find the nick so intriguing. anyway thats not my leading point, my point is that there are in fact many other strange names like for instance Mizz Bz Booty; now a direct reference from urbandictionary.com, Booty could mean the bontot (secara spesifiknya bontot wanita) hubungan kelamin ataupun najis.

rosbabi, might not appear as cool because he knows where he stands. which is off the crowd. unlike most people who think that they are part of modernism greatest imitation.

most of us do not realise that we are actually nothing but substances in a form moulded by this invisible hand from hollywood... ok sorry i digressed, and sorry you've been bitten. think about this, how could it be even explicitly possible to claim ourselves to be anti racism only to wish that all indons can be sent back home immediately all in the same statement in a page. and even those who say down with female discrimination, and then shout "i can shake my bootay like this chic in this video y'all, check it out". this is by itself; self degradation. rosbabi might be a pig, but you are your own reason why he is a chauvinist.

to end this post, i would like to quote Robert McCloskey, the US State Department Spokesman, "I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant"

that, that i do not have mental issues.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

MARI HIDUP DALAM KESESATAN DI BAWAH INTEGRITI NAJIS, BABI-BABI PARLIMEN

CURSE THE BLASTED, JELLY BONED SWINES, THE SLIMY, THE BELLY WRIGGLING INVERTEBRATES, THE MISERABLE SODDINGROTTERS,THE FLAMING SODS, THE SNIVELLING, DRIBBLING,DITHERING, PALSIED,PULSE-LESS LOT THAT MAKE UP MALAYSIAN PARLIAMENT TODAY!

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

with regards to masturbation paranoia

"I am past 70 years of age and have had a life-long session with masturbation. All of it very personal, confidential and carefully hidden! Therefore, I was very emotionally gripped by your candidness and detailed explanation of your feelings in Confidential Biography. Never did I think that I would be privy to such an account, and find that I wasn't such a "bad, no-good kid" after all. I have never shared my secret with anyone - not even my wife, to whom I was married for 17 years. She died of an unexpected illness at age 38. She and I were the same age.

"I began masturbating at such a young age, I cannot remember how it began. I can remember being chastised by my mother when she caught me lying in the bath-tub, where I was waiting for her to come and bathe me. I was vigorously masturbating my stiff little penis, which had never been circumcised, trying to enjoy a climax before she got there. So you can see I was VERY young! During the next few pre-school years, she caught me at it several more times - in bed, in the bathroom, out in the chicken coop and so forth. She took each opportunity to explain to me that such a practice was not only sinful, but that it would be the cause of a fellow growing up to be simple-minded, unable to get married and have a family, and have to be locked up in an 'insane asylum'. Then one winter morning, when I was 5 years old, and should have been getting dressed, she caught me laying behind the big coal-burning heater that warmed our front room seriously masturbating, with my eyes closed, panting, right at the point of climax! (my older brother and sister had already left for school) She grabbed my masturbating hand, jerked me to my feet, whacked my bare behind so hard that it must have hurt her hand, and taught me a lesson that morning that I never did forget! Even today, I can hear her words, which I thought about over and over as I read your descriptive narrative, when she said, "That's the end! I have warned you time after time about playing with yourself, and what it would cause! Now, it MUST be stopped, and stopped for good, before you can ever go to school. Go out to the kitchen and bring me the big butcher-knife! This is the last time! I AM GOING TO CUT THAT THING OFF!! That is the only way that you will be able to quit that nasty game, so, to save your life, it will HAVE TO BE CUT OFF!"

"I immediately collapsed in a heap of fear and crying. After a long period of pleading, I managed to convince her that I would never do it again, if she would not cut it off this time. But I never forgot the lesson - that it was a sinful act; that it was harmful to your well-being, and that it could only be cured by amputation. I continued to masturbate through the years, even as you described, but I made sure that I was never caught again - not by my mother, or by anyone else. I hated myself for being such a "sinful sissy" that I could not quit, and I watched carefully for signs of insanity and worried about what would become of me. WWII, in the Air Corps, I had to sneak around quite a bit to get my satisfactions, but I managed, and then, after the war, I married, had my first initiatory experience with REAL sexual fulfillment. I kept on masturbating for my own pleasure, as well. All the time, thinking that I must be some kind of a "nut case" and feeling that some day I would have to 'fess up, and pay the price.

"Then, unexpectedly, my wife had a stroke and died! With 5 kids to raise, there wasn't much chance of getting married again, so masturbation was my only outlet. This produced a subconscious guilt-complex that was beyond understanding. As the years went by, and I had to hide my secret while all the time having to sexually educate my sons and daughters as they grew up. Finally, after 10 long years of hating myself for my habit, I decided that my mother was right, and that I should cure myself. So, after several weeks of planning, practice, and looking in medical books, I cured myself of my "nasty" habit. I sharpened the butcher-knife, tied a string tightly around my soft penis, as close to my testicles as I could get it, and sliced off my penis! It was quick and neat. After I dropped my severed penis into a jar of alcohol (to preserve it, and I still keep it as a reminder) .

"I went to our family Doctor's office, where I let him trim it, and sew it shut. He inserted a tube into the urinary tract so it wouldn't heal shut. It took about six weeks to entirely heal. I can assure you that my mother was right - amputation cures masturbation!! Just thought that you might like to know what trying to control masturbating led to, in my case. But had I had the opportunity to read your account before hand, I would in all probability, still have a penis today and still be masturbating. I was 48 years old when I cut it off, and I am past 70 now. You can see it has been a long, long time without any. Funny thing though - I still have a "wet dream" periodically and there that penis is, long, stiff, and hard as ever, and just as thrilling a climax as REAL! It would be nice to know your re-action to my account, as you are the only person in the world I have told about this. You have permission to add this to your correspondence page, if you so desire. I would be glad to correspond with anyone who might care to, as I am now old enough that I have outgrown my paranoia."

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

BAKARLAH KELISAMU


Think about this.

A Kelisa is RM39,000 in Malaysia. Minus downpayment of RM5000, means you take up a RM34,000 loan. Say 5 years, interest rate at 3.0%, you would have to part with a good RM610.00 monthly. Average Malaysians earn about RM2000 a month.

That very same Kelisa is only about 5000 pounds in the UK. Average temp/office boy in London can earn about 7 to 10 pounds and hour. Overtime is 1.5 times or double. A brick-layer can earn 20 pounds an hour (as compared to the same Indon who lays brick for RM50 a day in our country).Which means, they earn on average (assuming they work 9 hours a-day, 5 days a week) around more or less the same at 2000 pounds a month. If one sets aside enough money, he could get that very same Kelisa in give or take say, 6 good months without even rationing money to go drinking at the pub. And they don't even have to be in debt. Here in our country, in 6 months you could only manage to save up for the downpayment.

And theres more. As car needs petrol, lets talk about petrol; in Malaysia we fork out RM1.92 a litre, now compare this with 92 pence in the UK which means it is like paying 92 sen a litre in Malaysia! (We always convert when comparing while in actual fact we don't have to)

But I think as Malaysian we should still be grateful since we are well, better off than Timbuktu in light of this. (Although Nigeria is now starting to pay up their foreign debt cos of the money they’ve gotten from the rising oil prices. Isn’t that what Malaysia should be experiencing?).

And by the way, a bit off tangent; I read a report by P.K. Basu saying that, that there is no need for petrol prices in Malaysia to be increased too much in 2006, unless prices hit above USD$70 per barrel. However, Price today: USD$71 per barrel with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad saying it could hit USD$ 100 per barrel should there be a sanction against Iran and since there will be no increase this year, perhaps we will see more than 30% increase next year?

So dear friends, let us migrate and go fruitpicking in New Zealand. But before that, go and burn that Kelisa.

No, Seriously.

do it big


they say do it big or stay in bed.

some chose to stay in bed.

while some, chose to build nuclear plant.

choose.