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Friday, January 27, 2006

josef von sternberg - john gardner

13% thats all you need.
the rest could hate you for who you are.

after all eighty-seven percent of all people in all professions are incompetent.

be advised

i'll just pack up my things .
and leave. i swear i will.
just pack up an leave.

and trust me.
when i leave.
i will never look back.
because the rest are mere details of mortal mechanics.
and i.

am not the rest.

be advised.

hell is a half filled auditorium

i am going to rip this world apart.
i am going to shoot through it.
i am going to come out at the other end.
maybe then things will turn out totally the opposite.

and you said that that was the best
side splitting joke you've ever heard.

my pick

Golden Apple Oil and Gas, Inc. (GAPJ)
GAPJ - is our NEXT HOT PICK, which we feel is most undervalued stock we have ever featured and should out perform all other picks.

Golden Apple Oil and Gas, Inc. (GAPJ) 'Oil and Gas sector
Current Price: $1.43
Short Term Price Target: $3.50
Long Term Price Target: $7.00
Status: Strong Buy *300+% profit potential short term

so many prospects, so little money.

Thursday, January 26, 2006


many ants.
walking up and down the hill.

an ant.
fell from the hill.
other ants looked for his will.

he did not die.
he found a new place.
away from many ants.

many ants.
wish he is that ant.
it is better off alone.

piloting a flying elephant finding the eight-colour rainbow

i saw a man
walking upside down
hands on ground
feet up in the air

spreading happiness
with his smile
face all red
as blood rushed to his head

we believed that man
a man of many ideas
ideas to establish
establishment man needed

with blood overflowed
eyes, nose and throat bled
but he kept on smiling

and we kept on believing
that things will be ok

we are all on a terrible flight

the day will come when
we believe things we do not see
and reject things we see

the day will come when system crumbles
existence is nothing
and nothing prevails

the day will come when we shall part ways
and be nothing but a fighter of a lost cause

existence does not exist and reality is not real

the day will come when everyone waits for Godot.


i looked at the sky this morning
it was dark and gloomy
so dark and so gloomy
you could smell rain
but everyone else
so cheery, all smiley
bright and pleasant

and then rain came
washed them away
washed me away
nothing left

but a pair of sunglasses



i need.

to have.

so that.

i will.






dira's ass on my mind

something terrible happened again in the newspaper - sharifah aini appeared on the front page.

Friday, January 20, 2006

brains are an asset, if you hide them

fuckers are stupid.

recent studies showed that bat which copulates more will have bigger testicles and smaller brains. yes cheeps, i think it applies to men as well since bats are mammals.

nobody reads my blog, and i don't get comments on my blog and its frustrating. but i guess we can't all be heroes and writers cause somebody has to sit on the wall and clap as these heroes and writers pass by. yeah! clap! clap! to vulgarity and lost cause!

anyway. the other day i met a movie director. he offered a me a part in his upcoming gay movie which is a sequel to his debut gay movie which is 'upcoming' as well since it was never aired. hes gay and it was amazing how he relates his sexual preference with religion and God. the way he described his sexuality with bad broken shipwrecked english coupled with a taste of his stinking american flavoured accent 'tak jadi' was by far disturbing this year.

its not normal to be a homo you know. because if it is NORMAL, God wouldve created adam and hamid, instead of hawa. if you think it is normal to be gay, then i would like to attest to that fact.

however, if you accept the fact that you aren't normal, but you are not going to do anything about it. then you are just weak. if you deny this i will attest to whatever facts you have.

however if you accept the fact that you are weak, then you are just a complete fuckwit and you should just sit under a tree somewhere during the storm, stick your mid finger up, point it to the sky and yell "lightning sucks!".

Thursday, January 19, 2006

it's relaxing to go out with my gf because she already knows i'm an idiot

most of the things in my mind aren't real and things which didn't happen. at all. sometimes i get confused between what really happened and what didn't. between real, unreal and surreal.

i often tell lies which i believe so blindly only to find out that it wasn't a lie at all. sometimes i thought i speak of the truth but it wasn't. its like i thought i heard herbie hancock in my head but its actually jeff buckley who is really a herman tino in disguise, playing new boys music.

its even worse when now i have to write lies for a living. its very encouraging for the situation. seriously. like today, when i wrote...

"transparency is the antithesis. our company strives towards getting absolute transparency especially in our financial and corporate reporting. all this to ultimately achieving openness in our culture and the best standards of our corporate governance."


some call it imagination. which by definition means the formation of a mental image of something that is not perceived as real and is not present to the senses. emphasise on the word formation where one needs to form, me however, need not to. therefore, in a way although it has similar meaning conceptually but by application, i might have a slightly different case.

anyway the economy has slowed. stock market in snooze mode. my contractor step-father already feeling its pinch. we can forget about that hefty increment and there is no more light at the end of the tunnel. on top of that, inflation is creeping in as expected.

at times like this, i find my mind, most useful. that, plus 30 bucks worth of weed.

i'll be having a house on cape cod and every evening, i'll watch the sun go down while smoking cuban cigars and gauloises and get paid for doing it.

and i read somewhere "imagination reveals what the world could be" .

"could be".

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

you will see has a lot to do with its title

dear farul, ceepok, esah and arib.

stop making me feel like an amateur actor. else i will kill myself and make all of you feel sorry for the rest of your forsaken life. however, it is very likely that you will not feel sorry because to feel sorry for me does not make sense, therefore, yes, i will consider moving to another place probably somewhere near ceruk tok kun and consider a job as a teacher if it would make you and the rest of the world happier.

and please stop using my name as a title for blog entry, even i don't use my own name as a blog entry in my own blog. by the way how does it feel to use my name as a blog entry. to me, it doesn't feel very nice. which i think you would feel otherwise since it is always better when things happen to other people instead of yourselves.

and by the way, esah, no i was not eating neither was i drinking nor struggling to not to look at the camera, i was trying to act. now about acting, theres difference between stage acting and acting in front of the camera but lets not get there.

and arib. no acting in a 15 second ad could never buy you a laptop. unless if you are a mawi or a siti nurhaliza or a brad pitt which you are so not, so NO, you can't buy a laptop. you could probably buy 3 pairs of cool adidas trainers though, or probably a mini ipod and 3 units of dvd9s. if you want to.

and ceepok. thank you for making me feel better by sharing your 2-cents. you have always make me feel better that way. things just cant get any better whenever you and your thoughts are around.

ok. not that now i feel any better. but at least, you know now that i have issues. with a lot of things. like i nearly died yesterday for instance. and i don't get wedding invitations anymore lately. and i have been sick.

all my life, i have been asking "so what is it with people that fascinates other people?".

so thank you anyway for noting my existence in a blog entry title which of course had nothing to do with the entry. at all.

by the way this is also a blog entry by itself which you will see has a lot to do with its title as a title.


Monday, January 16, 2006

The Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band

i want a lot of things when i was a kid, and a lot of things i was denied of. but last night my wish came true which was kind of a rare thing to happen.

i met the bonzo dog doo-dah band last night.

most of the time we were laughing, reading GHIZMOO , drinking SCHMOO, smoking POO. the rest i couldn't remember much. except when they told me about THE BEACONSFIELD STORY. they said once Beaconsfield came up to them at a dadaist gathering somewhere in montreal and said,

"Do you now who the critics are?..." condescendingly.

and they were like "whoa".
apparently. thats how they came out with their own version of jazz.

which is an utter piece of crap to some.

la-di-da-di-da. i am a happy kid!

Monday, January 09, 2006


dear sir,

happy new year 2006. may this year be a year of blessing for our country. we could only hope.

recently, i was informed by a doctor friend, working in gleneagles, that the number of birth deformities has increased in our country for the past ten years. please find attached a few pictures i have gathered from an independent website developed by an HKL Specialist whose name and web address will not be published. the photos are non-public material sir, and therefore please keep it safely in that big vault at your office. sir, honestly i am not even sure whether there is a vault in your office, if theres none, then i would suggest that you get yourself one.

nevertheless i would like to draw your attention to one of the pictures, the one where the child was born with severe body deformity, with head that appears to be formed at 90 degree angle to upper torso. it is not a pretty sight sir, causing me sleepless nights for weeks.

now. it is highly unlikely that either malnutrition or depleted uranium or both is the reason behind this. colouring, additives and preservatives; god knows whats in our food & drinks today. sir, i have recently found out that milo; a cocoa drink contains more Crude Palm Oil (CPO) instead of cocoa. now, you might see this as a non-issue, punitive and trivial as CPO is widely used in the food industry all over the world. i certainly think otherwise. i have talked to an analyst friend from RHB that, the use of CPO in MILO is mainly to reduce cost of production as cocoa is expensive. evidently, they drove VICO out of business less than a year with their edge in price. now, may i relate that i spent 5 years in a boarding school where they served WAHI, a dirt-cheap version of MILO, day in, and day out. it was so cheap that one could only imagine what could be inside it. i myself don't want to know.

although, many reports were saying that CPO is good for health, apart from being rich in ß-carotene, it also serves special interest as to prevent vitamin A deficiency, which is widespread in errr... India. it was also believed that CPO is low in fat. sir, this is all propaganda sir, to push exports of CPO as it is one of Malaysia's prized comodity. how can a cocoa drink contains more palm oil in it instead of cocoa, and how can condensed milk contains more palm oil than milk itself? and to think that at this moment in time, they are trying to use CPO as an alternative to petrol, is even a scarier thought. if ever they are successful (or they already are), it means they have managed to turn 'food' into something that could move cars and heavy machineries. i bet it is definitely possible to turn crude petroleum into something we could eat. or have you?

and by the way, how could CPO tastes so good in a MILO? what other things have they put inside it? CPO alone could never taste that good. i know sir, i have tried a few. they suck.

obviously sir, malaysia is only interested in the business of taste and flavour and along the way missing the purity of concept altogether; where cocoa should be cocoa, milk should be milk, fish should be fish, vegetables should stay green at their own will, sausage should be of meat and chickens should never be inflated to make them look bigger and juicier. and sir, it is really scary that these products have no resemblance to the natural food it once was. at all.

one very pertinent matter that you need to pay serious attention to is how all these products have an effect to us the weaklings. as long as it tastes the way it is marketed, it is considered to have met its objectives. whether it could make you "Sihat dan Kuat", "Membesar Bagai Juara" or avoid arthritis, one has to find out himself and most of the time, what he will find out is just another lie. but one needs to continue swallow everything in this country, where the term managing the country for them only means a man is aging and soon enough he will die.

i was wondering also, in this particular ad, where they shout about how their milk was derived from cows of new zealand. why? what is wrong with cows in malaysia? what is it with cows from new zealand. is it not enough with us feeling repressed and intimidated with the foreign expats who couldn't make it big in their own first world country and now had to resort to the second world country and now they have to do the same thing to the animals? and then i met a friend the other day, she said, we can only find the best dairy products in the uk. she said the first thing she will do after hitting Heathrow is grab a box of milk in Tesco and gulp it. apparently it is so good that she doesn't mind stealing a few of them. i don't know sir, i haven't been to the uk.

but why can't we be more like uk then sir? i could still remember, program susu sekolah back when i was in primary school. i thought those were among the best thing then. imagine how one would feel when one is told that those were actually rubbish shoved down the throat. sir, i am not blaming you sir. i am not blaming you for the fact that i failed to turn out the way kbsr and kbsm wanted me to. that i do not reflect the desired effect aspired by the ministry of education. i am not blaming anybody except for those things you make us eat when we were small up till now.

and then there was the kas kas issue which you killed off so nicely. and then the teh tarik issue which was countered by the ministry of health the next day. i think it is true what Dr. Bhain said, that most malaysians are all walking time-bombs, either we die of explosion or a concrete slab will fall on us anyday. either way we die sir, horribly.

yes. i was made aware that initiatives and pro-active measures were taken to oversee these things. but then, it was more of a "melepaskan batuk di tangga" kind of thing. do you know that batuk in the peribahasa does not mean coughing. it means, err... remember last time when we used to wash our feet before climbing up the stairs of a rumah kampung? the spoon-like tool used to scoop the water is called 'batok'. therefore when one is done washing his feet, one should never leave the batok at the stairs. put it back where it belongs. which is not the case today sir.

of course i have a few suggestions as counter measures. which will hopefully reduce the number of birth deformities. i am still single sir, and therefore i have a long way to go before i actually worry about this problem. but i have friends who are married and expecting as well those who are about to and those who wish to... please find the following a few suggestions (a-c) which could be implemented this year of 2006.

a- GO ORGANIC. As organic food is the purest form of food, there is need to promote as well as to increase the supply in the market. Apart from that prices for the food should be affordable. Or else, give it for free, to students in primary school. Replace them with the current Rancangan Makanan Tambahan and Program Susu Sekolah which are nothing but rubbish.

b- Kick Nestle's ass. MILO is a famous drink, especially among the younger generation. Therefore, after ripping us off for many years, I think it is about time that they become a real cocoa drink.

c- Abolish usage of CPO as food. Totally. CPO in food? Euw.

sir, to us, life is nothing but boring deadlines by which bills need to be paid. we fellow malaysians have already by now feel like a hornbill. everywhere we turn to, there will always be a big bill in front of us. so i beg you please look into this matter seriously, as it is only a matter of time, that we will actually look like one.


Wednesday, January 04, 2006


I only write about things I know and you, obviously refused to know. About things I feel and sometimes things I wish I feel. I am not a writer of any issues, au contraire, I have none! Stop gasping. Yes, I have none. Even if I do, its not my main motivation to write. not that I couldn't assess or analyse my state of being but mostly its because I have shitloads of more interesting things to write about. The "on the surface kinda thing" you were referring to. So its shallow, so fuck me.

writer with issues. now what do i mean by that? well. I am not a homo to start with. Therefore I am not sexually repressed. And therefore, you won't catch me writing about sexual repression. Using metaphors and confusing symbolisms you aesthete call art! note that I am writing to destroy aesthethics, not appreciate them.

and i think by not recognising a political stand is by itself taking a political stand! I mean, we have enough shit to deal with daily, what with concrete slabs falling on us, public goods offered by private sectors, rising inflation rate which is very apparent being covered up nicely by the central bank, misleading GDP reports, bullshit, propaganda we swallow everyday and cronies everywhere, how 'bout we run away... for a short while... we can always wake up and face the same shit next morning.

I am not here to fight, to stuff you with my idealistic views on how the country should be run! I will spare you off my idealogies. I am here to accept things. to accept that these are the disorders inevitable and mandatory if we want to keep on living. I am just a common man living beside your house, who will punch you or pat you in the back whichever applicable, in need of humour of any kind! Call me stereotypical, at least I'm real, I'm right here for you to take! And you...? Nevermind you...

and, I love this country. Mostly because, I can't afford to live elsewhere. So why should i dread life, my existence in this country, wishing Malaysia could be more like America, UK or Australia. Malaysia is Malaysia, love it, hate it, its mine... its given to me...

And so what if Malaysians are made of bigots and racists, at least they don't come out in the open, not until people like you wanting writers to tell you the truth about things in this country. Well the truth is, truth is the truest form of bullshit promoted by writers who want to sell ideas stemmed from their insecurities, personal issues and their need to be accepted by the society! So stop searching for truth and stop applauding things, which only exist in some sick writers' state of mind.

Why do you need to dissect everything? sometimes you don't need to pal. So I wrote a Play, I have peeled it for you, "There is no onion for you to cry peeling", Na! Take it! Take it as it is! That’s something real pal! Don’t you think? you see I could've written a story about a goat named 'Pride' and a cow named 'Prejudice' and call it "Pride and Prejudice"- a row between the house of goat and the house of cow going against Pride and Prejudice's relationship. Making matters worse, both are married male which means they are engaging in an extra marital homosexual activity; the goat and the cow. But thats on the surface, what I really want to tell the people is about the anglo saxon capitalism model and why it will never work in our country, and how it will affect the moral structure of a country which will among others cause the spreading of STDs and a decrease in the Gross National Happiness! See it has all the essence, politics, sexual innuendos, sensitive issues such as race and sex and humour and repressed animals! Which would make you think I guess. Would you think? You would, I think! But how many would? How many would give a shit.

I think we are different you and I. I represent the average people, who have to take shit from other people daily for a RM150 raise in salary or even 3 days extra annual leave. Unlike you, my mama don't buy me cars, I have to pay for my own ride. Yes, we have to work for food, for lodging, for a living, not for paying that overpriced MAS ticket to backpack in South America after watching "Motorcycle Diaries" or New Zealand after the "Lord of The Rings" trilogy. Yes we are all still trapped with consumerisme issues. We have not reach your level of Post Materialism. Yet.

Yes, probably I am not as intelligent as you, you are the real thing, the real shit, the real people with real license to be a writer, probably because you are depressed, your whole life is a complete tarpit of misery, what with the shrink and the brickfields lifestyle, and plus you have travelled the world… see things from different angles making everything you say, every single thing you are philosophically opposed to, carries profound weight…

Needless to say I am not and believe me; a lot of us are not. A lot of us are just stupidity of the highest order to you. The mere mortal fuckwits at the bottomest of the human hierarchy.

A lot of us haven't got the balls, or maybe rich Tan Sri father, well-connected family or trust fund money to fall back to. We are on our own. We do this and we take shit, at our own will and then we figured,"Hey I might as well write something about it!"

And thus, the things, stuff which are well on the surface that you conveniently label as 'weak'. But at least, its there for you to grab as it is. Its probably banal and it has no layers but it is what it is, it doesn't talk about A but it means B! its pretty simple really. You get it, you get it, you don't then probably you are the 20% of the elite intelligent group whom I may never be able to relate with. Ever.