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Tuesday, December 19, 2006

i was about to tender my resignation when my boss uttered - "you know, the grass is always greener on the other side". then i started thinking, if it is true that the grass is greener on the other side, then if i get to be on the greener grass - i wouldn't think that my old grass is greener now would i?

Friday, December 15, 2006

maafkan samy.

had a lazy afternoon today. met a couple of friends for bubur kacang and we came out with a theory - that samy vellu is dead - long ago. the man is in fact - a government project.

'the samy vellu project'

the theory. - the man is a housing project. but not the typical government housing project - which is too vulgar to be mentioned for some. under this secret project which nobody knows (just like any other top secret government project in malaysia) - the body of samy vellu is used to house all of malaysian VIPs involved with scandals, corruption, court cases, murders, organised crimes, pornography - you know embarassing stuff like that. its like a 'witness protection' programme but not for witnesses since such thing does not exist in malaysia. this is why samy vellu is the second longest serving cabinet minister in malaysia. the first one is rafidah, but the one we see on tv now is not rafidah, itu pendua saja, the real rafidah also at times occupy the body of samy but most of the time, she is abroad watching broadway shows, you know stuff like that. when samy was alive, him and rafidah were quite close and in fact - pernah sekali Samy mengalu-alukan kedatangan Rafidah ke satu majlis pelancaran dan seterusnya meminta Rafidah merasmikan majlis itu dengan berkata;

"Dath-thokh Sri, ter-rema kassae ker-nha tel-lhah sud-dhi mae-rash-mikan majlis ini. Dath-thokh Sri, saekarang, silh-lha laa itu kain kasi bukak! - and she did. (although such story has never been widely published before).
the samy vellu project started in 1979 but was just in its planning stage then. it started to take form only a couple of years after that. believe it or not, it first started when in the year 1979, Manickavasagam the then MIC President died suddenly - which suddenly gave Samy a chance to gain a toe-hold as the Acting President - however, the MIC party was in ruin at that time and the government was quite worried with the situation.
at that time most middle class indians did not feel MIC as a representing party and that it was only relevant with issues of the working class. with subramaniam on the opposing side, things were not so sunny for samy. with the help of RTM, MIC came out with a pilot SITCOM entitled "Suddenly Samy" starring - Samy himself which was targeted at middle class Indians in an effort to garner their support - it failed miserably. a couple of other projects to bring unity in MIC also failed that the government by then got a big headache.
years go by and the government kept monitoring closely samy and his MIC's development. not long after that, samy won the MIC election upon which he started to overhauld MIC - cleansing the party from any opposition even up to the deepeest. grassroot - (the tea lady of the MIC office who hated him so much that time)
at that point the government felt samy is tad too dangerous. they felt that in the future samy might even challenge the prime minister himself. something needs to be done.
after a cabinet meeting in which samy was left out purposely, the government decided to eliminate samy. - however musa hitam felt samy's influence and values of patriotism and gangsterism could be used - especially to control the already by then- feudal administration of MIC.
after a couple of signatures. samy was murdered.

how samy vellu died is yet to be determined and yet to be discussed but we believe he was murdered by a group of malaysian commandos - who were happy to do it due to one toll hike episodes. looking at the way malaysian commandos look, we believe samy died painfully.
among vips who have in the past used samy vellu as perumah include - thamby chik, muhammad taib, musa hitam, rafidah aziz, tun m, wan nor azlin and there was also rumour that razak baginda is going to use samy too.
this is the reason why we see samy vellu is often off center, often a failed linguist and all of the time 'cenoneng'. the (MRR2) being a notable example of this screwed up project (which is even cited in wikipedia) - in which samy adamantly reminded the public that the cracks were not due to design flaws and "nobody can simply open their mouth and suggest it is design flaw"
(Bernama 10 Aug 2004). however, findings from Halcrow Consultants Ltd suggested design deficiencies and the improper anchoring of the column rebar to the crossbeams were responsible for cracks(NSTP 1 Oct 2004). clearly, being an architect it was ridiculously impossible that that could have been samy speaking, it must have been someone else which we hope to find out before we die.
and now as for the latest 60% toll hike, we too believe it could have not been samy, being a minister for so long he must know what lies beneath the LDP and even what happen on it, during the day! what we could do now is to plead to the government to stop this samy project altogether.
whatever it is, maafkan lah samy, only lord muruga knows what's inside his body and what's operating his mind - grass cutter, tree cutter, hair cutter or bus conductor.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

dear friend

Dear Friend,

I am writing to you to tell you that there's a party next week at 'The Big Brother's Joint' and we are invited. Why not go to a party, my friend. Do not worry about fitting in – we should be OK as long as we end each sentence with “we are all dead in the long run.”

And then lets tell them how beautiful they are so that in return they will then tell us how beautiful we are although we all know that it is not true in its entirety. Let us laugh when others laugh because whatever it is, it must be funny since people are laughing. And then let us pay attention to a subject if one thinks the subject is aesthetically pleasing. - even if we do not know what aesthetic means. Let us talk about literature, about that stupid haiku by Richard Brautigan and on how he became a hero for the Beatniks and how he killed himself in misery. Let us show them how much we adore Baudelaire and then recite his works - we have to make sure that we memorise them though.

Let us clap our hands when a drunk surgeon leaps off the table with his mask (mind you he’ll bring it along just to prove a point) and then calls it base jumping. Let us join them in this light hearted lucid lunacy - and all this my friend, while eating inedible posh-expensive food with french cheese in it, holding an empty beer bottle and pose.

We shall wear our knock-off BVLGARI watches, we shall enjoy sour music at the background with camera flashes everywhere, smiling that fake happy smile: 'one for the album' then sitting at the balcony, watch stray bitches getting wasted on rum with molasses. Then when the night is over we could write a poem and laugh at ourselves for behaving blasphemously trying to fit in, trying to resemble all of them at the party, slaves of urbanity and fail miserably.
But be merry my friend as we dont have to waste chink for its heresy and its ambience - some things are still costless in this world.
And so, I look forward to an evening at the party with you, when we will bitch about everything and everyone that passes us by, including ourselves when we go pass our minds.

Yours sincerely - Same fler you know.

medical bills.

two years ago I had a pin-sized surgery hole on my knee and it got infected - causing it to swell terribly. albeit painless, it had green-yellowish sticky-smelly discharge coming out from it. I went to see Doctor Singh. he said he had to cut my knee open and clean it up. "Don't worry young man, I know the cause of this - it's Osteomylitis, we will fix it in no time!"

since it was a minor surgery i was given only local anaesthetics - meaning i stayed up during the surgery. that's how i knew something strange had happened. a foot started to grow from the infected hole! started with an appearance of a toe followed by the other digits. finally a new leg spawned, fully complete which even had full degree flexion - dangling from the infected hole of the knee.

"My Goodness!" Doctor Singh said. i asked the doctor what do we do with an extra leg. he asked me to calm myself down. but i was calm. it is just another leg anyway - if i am one leg short than maybe i would you know - freak out.

Doctor Singh examined the new set of leg and strangely, exactly like my original right leg it too had a hole onn its knee. And the hole too was infected. doctor Singh said,"I am also considering - Osteomylitis" so he went cutting the knee up. to his surprise another foot came out from the new leg.

and it went on - which stopped after a few hours. by then i already had 47 sets of full grown leg. some were even strangely shaved. i asked Doctor Singh - what to do now? he said, he is still considering Osteomylitis. however he suggested that we remove all 45 sets of legs and keep the original pair. i asked him why?

Doctor Singh said it is better to look like a normal person. we need to conform with standards and specifications - especially being a young Malay man. i gave it a thought and i finally agreed. Doctor Singh removed all 45 extra legs and fix the pin-sized hole.

only thing is he didn't tell me is that the surgery was altogether outrageously expensive. if i knew about it i will never agree to it. if you had seen the bill, you too would agree with me - to keep the extra 45 legs. but it was all too late. i am now cracking my butt to pay back all the medical expenses. making things worse, my boss didn't believe my story and declined my request for a raise.

and i found out too, that mine was not the first time it happened, apparently 3 other cases were also reported this year. i am going to investigate further about this. maybe this is a new form of scam done by the private hospitals.

primitive man

some melayu flers - "we live according to your standards!"

the picture, of course has nothing to do with the entry.

so here's the thing. my life is like a pentagon wheel. unlike a standard wheel, pentagon wheel has cogs around it and the basic mechanics of the 5-point-wheel is the cogs will switch position randomly when the wheel spins. however - at a static position the cogs will be arranged in a grid like system which will be explained as follows.

the first cog is called the primrose cog - the middle point of subconciousness and reality. the starting point which will compute what is going to happen next. the 'go' button. waking up from a deep slumber, a short nap or from passing out in the middle of the road somewhere are examples of primrose cog.

the second cog is the primal cog - a temporary cessation where life comes to a halt for about 12 hours. note that primal cog is also known as the intermission cog and it is the main propeller of the Pentagon-Wheel engine. what you do or what you do not do during this cog determines bottomline and ultimately the bodywork of a pentagon wheel. bodywork of an equity analyst is of course different and better than the bodywork of a jobless mindfucked prick who spends a lot of time reading blogs everyday.

the third cog of the pentagon wheel is called the trident. it is where the inner primitive human perversity needs are satiated. and in this dog-eat-dog modern world where bitches should die horrorful death, we call these needs 'the condition'. 'the condition' will be based on the primal cog's activity which means - bottomline. an equity analyst should be able to have higher satiating power than a mindfucked prick who reads blog everyday. - at times too, the trident could also primarily shape the bodywork of a pentagon wheel instead of the primal cog. it does not happen often but if it happens to you, you should consider yourself lucky.

the fourth is the interval cog - the after effect, where the mind is to reduce completely into a primordial principality. this depends entirely on the induction of substances or non-substances into the body during the previous cog which could be the primal or the trident. over dosage will either directly or inversely affect the performance of the next cog.

and finally, the tip cog; where the contemplating begins. during this spinning point, noise and intellectual pollution are reduced to a minimal point during which the mind will wander off to visit friends, lovers, bosses, aunties and other related in their subconcious and perhaps tell them.

"its ok. pakai jari pun boleh."

it continues to spin until which you will realise you are at primrose again. or maybe primal or even trident as explained earlier - they may switch during a round of spin.

in the mechanics of a pentagon wheel, time is not a factor and everything only pretends to be real.

so, do you live your life using a 5-point-wheel? because i cocksure do.

if you're terribly missing my point then probably you're just a square - a pentagon missing a cog.



By Tristan Tzara From "Dada Manifesto" [1918] and "Lecture on Dada" [1922], translated from the French by Robert Motherwell, *Dada Painters and Poets*, by Robert Motherwell, New York, pp. 78- 9, 81, 246-51; reprinted by pernlission of George Wittenborn, Inc., Publishers, 10l8 Madison Avenue, New York 21, N.Y.

As Dada marches it continuously destroys, not in extension but in itself. From all these disgusts, may I add, it draws no conclusion, no pride, no benefit. It has even stopped combating anything, in the realization that it's no use, that all this doesn't matter. What interests a Dadaist is his own mode of life. But here we approach the great secret.

Dada is a state of mind. That is why it transforms itself according to races and events. Dada applies itself to everything, and yet it is nothing, it is the point where the yes and the no and all the opposites meet, not solemnly in the castles of human philosophies, but very simply at street corners, like dogs and grasshoppers.

Like everything in life, Dada is useless.
Dada is without pretension, as life should be.
Perhaps you will understand me better when I tell you that Dada is a virgin microbe that penetrates with the insistence of air into all the spaces that reason has not been able to fill with words or conventions.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

orang melayu kita

you do not need to go all the way to australia to study mass comm. i learned all about it in wikipedia.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

lukewarm interest

i met a guy the other day. who knows a senior of mine back in school. and then i found out too that the senior's sister is now a girlfriend to a junior of mine. junior is also a nephew to a super senior of mine whom his wife was the god mother of our rugby team back in school many years ago - and that guy also told me that their daughters are now close friends with one of my closest friends who knows my housemate.
and - my housemate was a good friend to my best friend back in primary before he moved to teluk intan. he is now going out with one of the beautiful twin sisters whom my housemate also recently met at a wedding of that close friend who are now close with the daughters of our rugby team's god mother who married my super senior who is also the uncle to a junior of mine - the boyfriend to the sister of my former senior who knows the guy i met!
i told that guy - it's funny how we are all connected.
like pixels that form a certain colour group. and that each colour group will have to conform with other groups to form a context or a meaning eventually determining its resolution.
and when a pixel fails to conform, the system fails.
a dot - otherwise is monochromatic, dull and colourless. in the world of monochromatic dots, individualism stands out. its not about what it means in a crowd but what it means when it is alone - what it really, really means.
a dot ends everything. no dots are connected but if they are they will prove a point. three dots for instance, create a brotherhood of uncertainties... two dots on top of each other : will explain things. a lot of dots standing aligned close to each other, will form a line, which is the basic structure of almost everything. and if they stand apart, they indicate the position of the most important signatures!
a dot stands with meaning if it stands alone. but not a pixel.
the guy i met did not agree. he had this lukewarm interest in what i said.
he left to join other pixels.