metafizika gampangsolo

JIWA KENTANG LENYEK

2012-01-15T12:04:00.003+08:00

a few months back, a friend came up to me and said, "you know van gogh during his career as a painter, managed to sell only about one or two paintings during his life, cut off his ears and then committed suicide." he added, what happened after he passed on is now seen as 'success' worldwide which means wealth or money by van gogh's standards can't be a definition of success. to which i agreed.

putting that in perspective though, while i like van gogh, i am almost certain that i have no reason to be him and therefore i don't need to be van gogh to consider myself successful. i too believe that hypothetically, if van gogh was still alive today, he might not think any other better paying profession besides being an artist would fit him.

so i guesss, that just made the first two paras of this entry seemingly pointless. but there is a point to this, in which i believe the definition of success isn't as important as HOW we define it. so are many other definitions in this world, it is HOW we define it that matters and not the definition.

so, how do we define success? fame? followers? power? what? you see each person has his own way of defining success. but when in a group, success then becomes nothing but mathematical averages in which the definition of success is then defined by aligning the views of the majority. saying this means, how the society defines success will reflect the advancement of the society itself.

it is quite apparent that here in malaysia success is still defined by how much money one have. for example, MLM business, i doubt that anyone when he was a kid, wants to sell instant coffee for a pyramid scheme, but all ambitions are lost due to the pressure of keeping up with the society. awarding moviemakers who achieved high box office collection for instance is another example which is rather bizarre. it's like giving money for someone who has a lot of money. whatever one does isn't important for as long as money is in the play. X = money = success in which X here could be anything you could think of. this X is also the reason why a lot of things in malaysia are still in the gutter.

i'm not saying we can't see wealth as a success factor, we can if we want to as i believe we don't all have to be like van gogh to be considered successful. there is no definition good enough to measure success anyway. but one thing i am sure of, for as long as we see success being 'how much money we have,' we will never produce our own van goghs.

fin

some might say

2011-12-26T11:46:00.004+08:00

1) maybe a whole lot of us when we were young were called 'kurang ajar' when we argue with adults. instead of considering or arguing the points, most people argue on why we argue.

2) and i believe this is deeply entrenched in the society that it is reflected everywhere this, "saya yang menurut perintah" attitude. in a bigger context it describes malaysian politics as well. most of the time when we argue, we will be reminded on how much we are 'terhutang budi' to these political parties. the recent "aku nak ludah muka kau" video was a new low of how mature we are as a society.

3) politicians rarely debate on points and most politicians are seemingly lost whenever they talk. for instance, i saw once on TV3, a politician who claimed that he has evidence that some people in the opposition have lost faith with the party's survival and leadership and then another politician who claimed that he believed some people from the incumbent political party have jumped ship. never once both politicians use numbers to illustrate this, how many, what is the ratio, what is the percentage change. 3 people out of 3 million do not describe what is going on and most of the time this is concealed by sophistry - a mere spin.

4) most politicians may use religion as a tool. because they know that most people won't argue with religion. this isn't true, scholars argue all the time. once i was at an international gathering of islamic bankers and scholars of islamic finance. they started arguing as soon as the conference commenced at 8.00 am in the morning. politicians aren't scholars, even if they are does not mean that they can't be argued. however, what you need to do here is argue systematically. to argue systematically would require you to have facts and figures. and academics is the fastest way to earn it.

5) which is why, college students who are active in politics but fail to excel in academics are almost the same with our current generation of politicians on average. a guy once told me, "biarlah, diorang ni bakal jadi pemimpin nanti..." - well my answer to that is, if they want to lead me then they better be smarter than me. without knowledge, politics is just... shit.

6) so, when you have a kid, please do not call him 'kurang ajar' or 'disrespectful' just because he argues with you. i know i won't.

fin

people suck, math rules

2011-12-22T00:14:00.001+08:00

3^3/3^2= 27/9 = 3
or 3^(3-2)=3^1 = 3
so 3^3/3^3=3^(3-3)=3^0=1
hence anything^0 = 1

fin

Why so much hate?

2011-12-16T10:07:00.002+08:00

why.

TAKUT

2011-12-15T18:02:00.004+08:00

points below were written by tun mahathir about 'hantu' movies and the plight of the malays. or maybe he too shouldn't say anything because he didn't contribute to the industry, you tell me.

25. Kita dapati ramai yang gemar mendengar cerita seram. Menyedari akan kegemaran ini banyaklah filem yang dibuat sekitar hantu, toyol dan makhluk luar biasa yang menakutkan. Filem seperti ini sering ditunjuk di TV dan pawagam.

26. Mungkin pengeluar filem seram ini mendapat keuntungan. Tetapi cerita-cerita seperti ini tidak menolong remaja menolak kepercayaan kepada yang karut yang tidak membina peribadi yang baik. Kes-kes hysteria ada kaitan dengan kepercayaan yang karut.

27. Menjadi penakut memalukan. Bangsa yang penakut tidak boleh dibanggakan. Janganlah kita sengaja menjadikan bangsa kita bangsa penakut. Sebaliknya cubalah supaya bangsa kita jadi lebih berani. Ahli-ahli politik pun tak usahlah cari bomoh kerana ingin menang. Bukan bomoh yang boleh beri kemenangan. Budi yang baik, tingkah laku yang sopan, keperihatinan akan masalah yang dihadapi rakyat yang boleh memberi kemenangan dan kejayaan.

28. Melayu mempunyai banyak sebab-sebab yang menghalang kejayaan mereka. Tidaklah perlu kita tambah halangan terhadap kejayaan mereka dengan kepercayaan kepada yang karut-karut.

if going by what you said, that one needs to have a big contribution to be worthy of an opinion, then perhaps those people who are not paying income tax or any tax shouldn't say anything about the country and shouldn't even vote since they are not contributing anything. don't be ridiculous.

polite or rude is up to one's interpretation that makes it a weak reasoning. my mechanic always say "tiu ni ah sing" but i don't call him rude, i looked at the context. you are better off arguing my points.

jangan jadi dangkal kawan.

RM

just a thought

2011-12-15T11:52:00.000+08:00

“Wahai manusia! Sesungguhnya binasa orang yang terdahulu daripada kamu kerana mereka itu apabila seorang bangsawan dalam kalangan mereka mencuri, dia dibiarkan. Apabila seorang yang lemah dalam kalangan mereka mencuri, dilaksanakan hukum ke atasnya. Demi Allah! Jika Fatimah anak Muhammad (puteri Rasulullah) itu mencuri, nescaya ku potong tangannya” (Riwayat al-Bukhari dan Muslim)

For as long as we let corrupt leaders go away, we have no right to be proud as Muslims and as a nation. This isn't about being partisan, this is about looking at facts.

fin

aku bukan cheerleader dangkal

2011-12-12T21:32:00.001+08:00

well yeah, 2011, about to check out soon. let's see what i have learned throughout the year

1) that being an actor requires one to also keep opinions to himself for fear of backlashes or not getting jobs. in short, selling out, becoming a phony cheerleader.

2) that its a year of uprising. but some people i know, the closest they have ever gotten to an uprising is one in their pants.

3) that i think point number one is useless.

4) that as long as your mother is proud of you, you win.

5) that people who continue to pull you down under the pretense of trying to 'make you better' should just be ignored.

6) that if life suck, you only have yourself to blame.

7) that love is the most powerful source of subjectivity. hence if you are capable to love, there is no reason why you shouldn't believe in God.

8) that it is in our nature to dramatise. to save time, one needs to reduce it. you can also save time by walking faster.

9) that if you don't enjoy something, don't do it, if you get annoyed by someone, stop listening to them. we waste so much time hating stuff we could avoid.

10) that if i do more, give more... i get more.

so... before i end this, God willing 'KIL' will be released in March. despite the outcome, despite whatever backlash, whatever criticism or reaction coming my way, i just want you to know i enjoyed doing it, and i enjoyed the people i did it with.

so to end this, here's to 2012. let it rip. :)

fin

nice innit? (Ben Sollee)

2011-10-05T00:41:00.000+08:00

If you’re going to lead my country,
If you’re gonna say it’s free
I’m gonna need
a little honesty

Just a few honest words
It shouldn’t be that hard
Just a few honest words
Is all I need

I don’t need no handshake
No firm look in the eye
Don't tell me what you think I,
I ought to hear

I don’t need no high life
No fancy premiers
Just tell me what you really think
Without fear

Just a few honest words
It shouldn’t be that hard
Just a few honest words
Is all I need

Love is a bitter food
You’ve learned to eat
You still don’t know, oh,
Where it grows

And our love of freedom
Holds a veil over our eyes
Rights that are given
Can be taken away

Just a few honest words
It shouldn’t be that hard
Just a few honest words
Is all I need

We don’t choose our leaders
The choose themselves
Tell me again
About democracy

fin

so what did i say...

2011-10-05T00:34:00.000+08:00

filem hantu, tidak membina masyarakat produktif - mencetuskan polemik.

some of you questioned my talent. as in what i could do in this industry.
well. here's what i do. i put words and words together.
and then i weave them into codes. and then i add numbers to seal them.
and then i re-engineer them as a weapon. a weapon that fits nicely into the frontal lobe.
and i use it to crush people.

ok i was kidding. (still using the frontal lobe).

cheers yo. RM

I PAY MY OWN RENT

2011-09-24T16:35:00.000+08:00

this photo has nothing to do with the entry. but i bet some will still try to connect it. well then, it is up to you.

1) last night i went to watch a play at stor teater dbp. tickets were rm 20.00 each. i thought the script was intelligently written by the writer, fasyali. fasyali in the past wrote few commentaries about stuff i've done in theater - some of which could be cheekily offensive, but after meeting him last night, i know for a fact that it was just a friendly jab.

2) this morning i was in taman tun dr. ismail. i met a boy who sells calendars for his rumah anak yatim, i bought a few in which each was given a receipt. right afterward, we shot a viral video for a friend's running event. everyone was happy running around and as usual everyone was doing it for free. we had lunch after that and sat down for a few hours talking about the world, nothing heavy, purely event-related stuff which was descriptive rather than idea driven where one's thinking is required. on the way back i thought "life is sometimes perfunctory."

3) when i was a kid growing up in the small town of ayer tawar, there were no cinemas, the first movie i watched was 'fenomena' when i was 9 and the next movie i watched was 7 years laters when i was circa 16 or 17 - a movie starring nic cage called "con air". i didn't know much about movies just perhaps some i enjoyed more than the other.

4) when i was a kid too - it was a daily routine for me to join the 'jemaah' in the surau for maghrib and isya' prayers. between maghrib and isya' there was a blip where i will be wandering outside the confines of the small town i was living in, with my mind, most of the time i would imagine myself as a super hero with a white cape and looking like rashid sidek - whom i thought was pretty good looking back then. of course i am only able to do this if i wasn't asked to get the other old pakciks and Hajis; biskut kepala lutut at the nearby grocery shop.

5) the paragraphs i have written above have nothing in common and absolutely were not written in sequence. the only reason is because, they didn't need to be, i feel like each paragraph tells a different story, i feel that whether or not they are linked does not matter. what matters is the significance of all those random events to me and how important it is for me to document them. and of course since it is my blog, i could write about whatever i want and however i want it.

6) speaking of responsibility, the next thing i want to talk about is on the subject of being anonymous. you see, it is fun being anonymous - as 'anonymous' you could claim yourself being anyone or in fact, anything you want, heck you can even be Barrack Obama - i wouldn't know. the 'fun' part of being anonymous is when one is void of responsibility, like a child. it is of course one's choice to take that responsibility. either that or get yourself a freaking identity.

7) people keep asking me what do i think about pisau cukur. to be honest, i have no thoughts about it except well i enjoyed doing it. it is not up to me to review it so whatever i say or however i feel about it carries no weight. some people called pisau cukur 'rubbish' some people called MY acting 'rubbish' - i could of course retaliate but still, it is NOT within my right to stop them from saying it.

8) in the previous entry someone questioned where i am in the industry. funny. whether or not i am 'someone' in the industry or whether or not i am a 'public figure' it does not matter. it is not something that bothers me anyway.

9) it is never my intention to hurt anyone. but if you were hurt, i am sorry. but saying sorry doesn't mean i take back what i said. why i said it, has been explained and if you wish to argue do so responsibly.

10) yes. rubbish is rubbish. i wish to move on and therefore anymore comments about the previous entries shall not be entertained.

love - RM.

Proper Review

2011-09-19T13:53:00.000+08:00

about the previous entry, some said i wasn't being fair, some demanded a proper review and some saying i was seeking publicity through my blog. first of, since the day this blog was first written the tone has never changed, read through it and you'll find out. as such, 'seeking publicity' is an accusation which is uncalled for. but of course i wouldn't resort to calling names because i believe they are entitled to do so. but here is how i see it from a logic standpoint, 'publicity' would only be beneficial to me if i am doing this for a living. however that is not the case and as such doesn't make sense, pointless and irrelevant. perhaps why they love the movie so much.

however, i would like to address about the reasons behind the previous entry. and for the benefit of everyone i will 'try' and write some parts in bahasa melayu. be entertained.

1) on 'sampah'. untuk menjawab berkenaan sampah saya akan memberikan satu 'paralel'. pernah makan makanan ringan? makanan ringan jikalau diterjemahkan dalam bahasa inggeris berbunyi 'junk food'. apa yang dimaksudkan dengan 'junk'? rujukan cepat ke wiktionary memberi maksud sama iaitu sampah atau barang lapuk. ding dang, tora, sugus, super ring - kesemuanya terkelompok dalam jenis makanan ringan. makanan ringan hanya memberi kesedapan 'artificial' tidak berzat dan hanya membuang masa jikalau dilihat daripada aspek faedah pemakanan. jadi di sini secara paralel, filem tersebut boleh saya kategorikan sebagai makanan ringan atau dalam bahasa inggerisnya, junk food. sebagai contoh, babak dalam surau yang memaparkan 'keinsafan' yang dikarikaturkan, walaupun menghiburkan (for some) kerana bersifat slapstik selain meringankan isu berat (agama) adakah ianya sama dengan menikmati juadah lazat lagi berzat yang mak you masak? you tell me. so you get the drift, it is 'sampah'. dan jikalau dibandingkan dengan tora, ianya agak mahal.

2) formula. okay i'm tired of writing in malay, as you can see above, writing in malay is not time efficient and im writing this on my lunch break. anyway, on formula, well, its a movie that combines rempit and hantu, so why not. i don't see a reason why shouldn't they also include the word gangster in the title which would probably rake in another 8 million or 12? but here's the thing, in any industry there should be an ethic to making money, in fact even religion says so. the movie brings more harm in its message than positive, feel free to argue on this. you see on top of the many millions they've raked in, they get additional cash from astro first. so i think it is only fair that the movie makers are more responsible in making money.

3) now how does one become responsible? simple, quality. and this is where the movie is clearly lacking. the plot defied logic, was too weak while being caught in a web of unnecessary subplots which weren't even resolved. you may say, "it's a comedy!" well my reply to that is yes its a comedy which deserves a punch in the face.

4) terlalu banyak 'kebetulan'. contohnyalah, in one scene where zizan and his girlfriend were having conversation, secara kebetulan abang si girlfriend muncul untuk 'sound' si zizan dan secara kebetulan juga kawan si zizan (tai) cuba membunuh diri di tempat berdekatan, kesemuanya terjadi dalam 'perfect sequence' - i see this as either nak jimat duit tanak pakai banyak location or the scriptwriter is plain amateurish - which means he doesn't know how to break up the scenes - like i said earlier this is 'junk food' material. but hey, they got 8 million anyway.

5) let's go back to junk food. if you have a kid, and you know he loves junk food, and you never educate them why junk food isn't good and if consumed excessively would bring harm - would he know? the same as movie-maker, i am not saying they should play a parenting role but more of a guidance, to guide the movie industry in the right path - which means being responsible at making money. when you have a kid, you will not have him stuck in standard 1 forever, right? so think about it.

6) i know for a fact that i am a nobody in this 'industry' (if you could call it that). but hey, i don't even want to be somebody or anybody, i'm fine being a small fry as long as i could still enjoy the stuff im doing. i'll still do it regardless of what you think. and yes, i'll still write about it even if you were to treat me like garbage cause the only thing you can't do is take one's mind away.

7) the choice is really ours, just so you know 'jangan pandang belakang' which i enjoyed was first produced in 2007, about half a decade ago. what we see today is just an evolution of that with slight modification, that the ghosts are now on wheels.

like i said, if this is the case, what's stopping "Bohsia Hantu Gangster"?

yang benar - small fry, redza minhat.

Sampah yang mahal

2011-09-18T13:35:00.002+08:00

i have never reviewed a movie - proper. last night we decided to watch hantu bonceng in which at the end of the whole thing i felt compelled to write about it in full. by the end of this entry, i will ensure that the movie is being demolished entirely. so here, goes.

SAMPAH.

that's how my review started. but it took me a good 5 minutes to continue.

WHY DID I PAY FOR SAMPAH?

and then my mind went blank again like looking at a crumpled sketch paper. a minute later, my mind started wandering about baboons, monkeys and of various single cell organisms.

2 minutes later i threw out the rubbish.

so... yea.

i changed my mind, it is really hard to review something so pointless.

fin

final two minutes of 14 september

2011-09-15T02:16:00.002+08:00

a) according to newton, an object will stay at rest or stay in motion unless acted on by a net external force - which means, an object travelling at a certain velocity in a straight line will travel straight if there isn't any external force stopping it. resistance of the force is known as inertia. if we simplify this, it pretty much means we are all naturally just a reactive element, and this ladies and gentlemen is very much relatable to the craft called acting, as some would say 'reacting' instead of 'acting'.

b) for example, if you see a guy jumping around like a kangaroo in a drama or a movie, to me, that particular action by the actor could be classifid as either 'retarded' or he was being disturbed or provoked into doing it. most of the dramas we see on tv these days, the characters are rarely provoked into doing such unreasonable actions such as screaming out of context, crying loudly out of context or literally moving around like monkeys. yes, literally. feel free to prove me wrong on this.

c) which leads to some commentaries about choices i made as an actor - especially on screen which is usually described as 'kaku' or stiff. you see whenever in a scene my motivation is only the necessary actions written in the script or merely a reaction to the other actors. in other words, i do not jump around like monkeys to prove i am embracing the craft called acting unnecessarily.

d) if i were to expand this further, my writing in general is also merely a reaction to the observation of the surrounding. for instance, whenever i made fun of atheists or activists (funny how they actually rhyme!) it is merely a reaction and most of the time a reaction to being imposed of things i do not agree to.

e) saying the above, i rarely see myself playing the role of a provocating agent. in fact if ever i did so, please accept my apology.

f) so remember, an object travelling in a straight line will remain the way it is unless disturbed - hence, disturb with care.

g) this post was written in two minutes, if you caught mistakes, nyeh, who cares.

till soon. love, love, hugs, hugs.

fin

things are things as they are

2011-08-09T11:10:00.001+08:00

kalau dindingnya tinggi
saya panjat
kalau dindingnya rendah
saya lompat
ilusi tentang saiz dinding itu
takkan buat saya gelisah.

fin

disaster

2011-08-06T06:31:00.000+08:00

a) when i was dating my wife back then, once i brought her to watch a malay movie in the cinema, she fell sick literally after the movie.

b) since then i would usually watch malay films either alone or with other friends who are into self inflicted pain.

c) i have an original dvd copy of the movie above. in retrospect, the worst purchase ever.

d) i am not sure whether the above can be considered as an artwork from the directing, writing, acting and even camera work. for a start, before we even discuss about logic i think if you want to appear as if you have the ability to converse in english, as an actor you are responsible to learn how to do it.

e) the movie however allegedly grossed around 2 - 3 million.

fin

sahur thoughts

2011-08-05T06:05:00.001+08:00

i don't know if you noticed but no love stories are similar, let's just say hypothetically there are about 6 billion love stories (because there are about 6 billion people in this planet), believe it or not, those stories remain exclusive to its own. you could offer conjectures as to why people love people, money, sex, food, shelter, fear, science or even social convention but none can be verified except by those who own those stories and even then, they might be lying.

i believe trying to find similarity or trying to see these stories from your own point of view equals a mere generalisation which is shallow and perfunctory. because i believe love, like faith is just inexplicable except only to oneself.

one thing for sure, love stories keep you going, it gives you hope. the world could crumble one day but you'll never fall short of love stories. hence if i were to make a bet, i'll bet on love... which means betting on faith.

you can stop here or continue reading because i will finish this with a line or two about faith. because in the end, like a love story, faith towards religion or God or whatever it is out there can only be two. yours and mine.

imposing your views will never change that fact. salam ramadhan.

fin

movies galore

2011-08-02T05:50:00.003+08:00

a) oscar wilde said, there's no point in writing when you don't annoy anyone. i subscribe to that. so if you've been annoyed, don't take it to the heart.

b) here's my review of Flat 3A.

"what were they smoking? i want some."

c) ghost stories in malaysia broadly have one similar formula. all characters will do scary stuff. like you know checking a dead body at midnight. or having conversation in dark places, for a strange reason, most scenes are played in a room with one light bulb. or live in a rundown apartment that was so obviously haunted.

d) adding to the point above,most actors in scary movies are judged by how scared they could look on screen.

e) some people commented that, ghost stories or in fact movies broadly are not supposed to make sense or have logic or be 'real' because films aren't supposed to be. unfortunately that is not true. a story is real only in the reality of the story. for instance, writing a story about a guy who has super powers might not be the case in real life but is the case in the story. therefore, what would make sense in that story is a clear logical sequence how he obtains the power. otherwise it would be just random and perhaps become a comedy. saying that i think most movies in malaysia, due to absence of logic are just comedies. bad ones though.

f) another observation is, some of the movies which were badly written have one common weakness, some of the mini conflict created were often left unresolved. 'karak' is a prime case for this.

g) saying that though, i thought "tolong awek aku pontianak" was a fairly good movie. you should catch it if you have the time and resources.

h) salam ramadhan. my wife saw rahim maarof in pasar ramadhan taman tun. she was buying murtabak and there was a super long queue. rahim maarof, as if his skin exudes style, in almost flattish tone looked at the queue and said "kena beratur ke?". if my wife was lying then i am lying.

i) i am watching "sayang you can dance" while writing this post. that information was totally useless and has no bearing in this entry - which is my review of that movie.

h) if you felt annoyed. refer to point number one.

finito.

gold rain, hail stones

2011-07-28T00:58:00.002+08:00

a) developing countries mainly countries that produce have to maintain a competitive or crudely 'cheap' currency to attract buyers. countries that consume (mostly developed) like the europeans and americans are not concerned about their currency value mainly because a stronger currency is simply good for them because they could buy things cheap.

b) so here is how it works, developed countries buy from developing producers, developing producers keeping currencies at low level to remain competitive and this goes on for a while. developing nations accumulate currencies of the developed world such as USD or EUR. so what do developing producers, mostly asians do with this accumulated foreign currency? that's right they will reinvest in the safest assets of these currencies which would be their government bonds.

c) in a way, asians are funding the luxurious living of the west. for instance, an unemployed spanish earns about 70% of his last drawn salary from unemployment benefits, last year i met a guy from spain who backpacks around asia on an unemployment benefit. why asia? yes, because we are cheap. and who funded this benefit? that is right, the asians. so don't sulk too much if asians are less cultured.

d) singapore produces almost an equivalent amount of GDP (if not more) with 7 times less population than us. singapore does not have commodities, heck they don't even have water. you might argue that it is a small country but i look at it differently, they are just plain productive. if you were to draw parallel, singapore and most developed countries have moved away from being just producers or sellers into service providers by adding values. singapore for example is one of the strongest global financial hub. yes, beat that.

e) as a continuation of the above, singaporean FDIs stood at USD 38 billion compared to a midget USD 9 billion for Malaysia last year. we are thrashed completely, no two way about it. singapore isn't cheap, singapore doesn't even have commodities yet, FDI was 4 times bigger than us. while here in malaysia, we are still promoting cheap labours as one of FDI attractions. on that note, guess who is second in terms of FDI? Indonesia, why? because they are cheaper than us, dirt cheap. in the long run however, being cheap does not work anymore and this has to change.

f) most people who is backing the current government will always fall back to sentiments, e.g. "disuruh bersyukur". looking at the facts above, we have a structural problem, policy errors upon errors. simple observation, how many were fooled into thinking that MSC will be something big and to be part of it studied IT. where is MSC now?

g) in sum, when najib said he wanted to drive malaysia to the next level, to achieve a high income society i can't help but look back at facts, facts not sentiments. we are pretty screwed front and back, upside down. and on that, to him i shall say. "DIAMLAH".

end.

KIL

2011-07-23T06:08:00.002+08:00

Last Friday, July 15th, KIL official trailer was launched, 1639 people shared the trailer on Facebook with more than 20,825 post views. Thank you for sharing and yes keep on spreading love.

On my previous entry, someone asked (as usual an anonymous) why not make smarter movies, something which is not lame.

I have no answer for that except, I am not that insecure about how smart I am.

situations

2011-07-22T00:01:00.002+08:00

a) i had a rather awkward situation today. you see, one of the things i enjoy doing is petting stray cats. today i saw a cat, i tried petting him, he kept walking away slowly, so i followed him, he walked off slowly again, it went on and on for a while until i noticed a few aunties were watching me. my right hand was still in a weird position of trying to pet the cat. the cat ran off finally, giving me a glance before he disappeared. the aunties were still staring at me.

b) everytime i am on set to shoot dramas, i will always go through a situation where none of the actors know who i am. when they asked me works i have done in the past, i will always refer to theater stuff i've done. they would usually have this blank expression, like every ounce of interest had been sucked out from their skin. i will always go back to refer to pisau cukur - which i hate. the conversation will always end up with them saying "oh..." and me going off smoking under a tree somewhere.

c) it makes me happy when people want to take photos with me. however some situations are awkward like for instance when a girlfriend wants to take a picture and her boyfriend is operating the picture taking apparatus. i wonder what goes on in the boyfriend's mind. it gets even more awkward when the boyfriend then wants a photo.

d) sometimes when i watch plays, i would cringe looking at actors doing contrived actions like 'trying' to show how angry they are. sometimes it gets awkward when they were staring at me while doing that. i feel naked.

e) one of the weirdest moments in my career as a theater actor was during the staging of romeo and juliet back in 2004. it was a special performance, performed in front of the crown prince, raja nazrin. i played romeo. and during the climatic moment where romeo was about to dunk poison from the vial, this romeo amazingly waved the vial dramatically when he was trying to open the vial. the vial flew over rolling down the stage right in front of the crown prince. all that was left was a vial cap. that romeo drank poison from a vial cap and wished he really died. of course he didn't.

some people think i am weird. but then again, i don't think i am that weird, at least to me.

we are all extras.

2011-07-18T23:14:00.003+08:00

this is you. hypothetically.

you dream of becoming a movie star.
but at the same time you are already pursuing a degree.
but you think studying is pointless.
nothing beats becoming a movie star.

i'm telling you.
you might be wrong.
in fact, i'll tell you this.
in say 5 to 10 years time.
if you still feel the same.
that learning is pointless.
i'll take down that picture.

though i doubt im wrong.
i have a 97% chance of being right at this.
because 3% will end up as movie stars, or extras.

most of them... extras.

Hypothetical Taufik

2011-07-18T22:18:00.002+08:00

A guy named, hang on, okay lets just give him a hypothetical name; Taufik recently asked on facebook,

"Bro, berlakon ni full time ke, part time bro?"

Recently I have been replying chats on facebook. So I thought why not. But I didn't know how to reply to such question. As usual, when you don't know the best way to answer a question, ask a question.

"Do you have anything that you particularly like doing in your free time? Collect stamps, play football, wall climbing, travelling maybe?"

And he replied.

"Travel la kot, baru sekali jeww tapi, huhuhuhu"

And then extending the conversation further I said.

"What about something you have a deeper connection with, like I don't know, something that you do that makes you... you?"

Now at this point Taufik here started replying with emoticons which started with a simple smiley and then smiley with glasses, and the something to the effect of a smiley with sticking a toungue out. I didn't get most of the emoticons, was it sarcasm, was he being retarded, was he emotional, what?

I resorted to reply with just a "?". And then he said, "How lucky you are, get a chance to dance with those princess dlm pisau cukur, hehe" (verbatim)

"Did you get what I was trying to say just now? Did any of it matter?"

And then he remained quiet for a while. I decided to end the conversation there. So anyway, hypothetical Taufik, if you are reading this, a short answer for your question, no it is not a full time job, neither it being a part time job. Damn there isn't a short answer for that still.

It's really hard to explain.

"Hypothetical Taufik"

observations

2011-07-18T21:32:00.004+08:00

a) out of curiosity i agreed to act in a raya telemovie recently. it was one of those that ended with the mother passing away in morning of the eid where her three remorseful daughters all teared up but all too late. i didn't play the mother.

b) bersih. i used to think that the political scene in malaysia is a truly loathsome experience, situated at the precise midpoint between a meaningless mortification of the flesh and brutal torture. but after watching how the government handled bersih 2.0, i chose to take a stand. and that stand is away from blatant stupidity.

c) obedient wives club. i think the best way to show disagreement is to join the club and disagree. otherwise, by not being part of the club means you are not imposed to practise what they subscribe to, which means, disagreeing to something you have nothing to do with. like disagreeing to the colour of your neigbours' newly bought azerbaijani's rug. strangely idiotic.

d) feminists and equality and surah an nisa'. an extension to owc, is the discussion about equality. the interpretation of surah an nisa' has nothing to do with men being superior, it tells you about a structure of accountability. yes we are all made equal but if that was true it does not necessary mean i can't follow orders from my boss the Gabenor, who happens to be the lady who signs your Ringgit notes. Think about it.

e) and some feminists i know suffer from an incurable disease of pretentiousness. just saying. i bet the retort for this is that all muslim men subscribe to domestic violences, suffer from HIV and most;y barbaric.

f) one feminist i know told me she subscribes to John Lennonism, particularly to the song 'Imagine'. I told her, I subcribe to the song 'Come Together'. And at the background there was me saying, John Lennon was shot dead on the case of being pretentious - though arguable. But of course I didn't say that for fear of a feminist backlash.

g) However some feminists I know are just bunch of awesome people. Sensible, adorable, successful and back home they have loving husbands and loving kids.

h) Parallel to that, until today, none of the arguments, banters, dialogues or even conversations I've had with avid UMNO supporters had been effective or worthwhile. Its like if my mechanic Ah Meng was on his deathbed and I myself was trying to explain to him the importance of selecting one's engine oil in accordance with changes of a particle's speed in a speedposition quantum theory experiment.

i) KIL will be awesome.

j) Here is my review of KL Gangster "Dush, pung, pak, kapowww, dushummm, aiyark, die, die, die, aiyoh my brother, die lah you, dush, dush, Imma gangster so macho! Dush! Insaf, God". And 12 million is a lot of money. Good job.

k) End.

Vitamins are for the Weak

2011-07-04T08:51:00.005+08:00

Its been a while. A lot of things happened, some significant some not, some memorable and some as memorable as donkey cart's suspension. In short, I was held up. Anyway let us do this note-format.

1) recently we staged main dalam stor. I would like to thank all those who came. Youve been wonderful.

2) i was told that in a review of the play, i was said to have written the play after having koko crunch and orange juice for breakfast in a four room apartment with a big fat yellow cat on my couch. The reviewer also added that i was not in his word 'garau' enough in touching social issues here in malaysia. Now all that aren't true, i rarely eat cereal for breakfast and although i love cats i don't own one and my apartment suite while swanky only has three bedrooms.

3) for those who want in your face issues please don't come and watch my play, instead give me a call and we can talk about issues over mamak.

4) a good story should be accessible at many levels, those who thought that our stories lack depth should delve deeper. However, do it at your own will.

5) and also we are not in the business of preaching change or giving you wonderful messages about how you should live your life, neither we are in the business of retelling issues masked by weak plots. I am saying this on behalf of the production.

6) but i am happy that we were reviewed as such. It gave me something to think about over breakfast while waiting for my morning coffee. Anyway, i will be attending the reviewer's play this friday at the same place. Im thinking it should be fun to return favour.

7) enough about stor. I got married recently. Some thought i was very quiet about the wedding. Just so you know, if you haven't heard at all about it, perhaps it is because we are not close enough. I view wedding as a private function and marriage should remain personal. I am just saying.

Well, that is all for now. I am freer these days, i'll speak to you soon. Have fun with life, cheers.

Jews ke Jaws?

2011-06-22T15:27:00.002+08:00

So this article compared the jews during holocaust and the palestinians and the alternate state they would be in if the jews were to 'respond' the same way as the Palestinians.

By WARREN KOZAK

It is doubtful that there has ever been a more miserable human refuse than Jewish survivors after World War II. Starving, emaciated, stateless—they were not welcomed back by countries where they had lived for generations as assimilated and educated citizens. Germany was no place to return to and in Kielce, Poland, 40 Jews who survived the Holocaust were killed in a pogrom one year after the war ended. The European Jew, circa 1945, quickly went from victim to international refugee disaster.

Yet within a very brief time, this epic calamity disappeared, so much so that few people today even remember the period. How did this happen in an era when Palestinian refugees have continued to be stateless for generations?

In 1945, there were hundreds of thousands of Jewish survivors living in DP Camps (displaced persons) across Europe. They were fed and clothed by Jewish and international relief organizations. Had the world's Jewish population played this situation as the Arabs and Palestinians have, everything would look very different today.

To begin with, the Jews would all still be living in these DP camps, only now the camps would have become squalid ghettos throughout Europe. The refugees would continue to be fed and clothed by a committee similar to UNRWA—the United Nations Relief and Works Agency for Palestine Refugees in the Near East (paid for mostly by the United States since 1948). Blessed with one of the world's highest birth rates, they would now number in the many millions. And 66 years later, new generations, fed on a mixture of hate and lies against the Europeans, would now seethe with anger.

View Full Image

Associated Press

Golda Meir pondered what would have become of the Jews had they been destroyed by the Arab armies.
Sometime in the early 1960s, the Jewish leadership of these refugee camps, having been trained in Moscow to wreak havoc on the West (as Yasser Arafat was) would have started to employ terrorism to shake down governments. Airplane hijackings in the 1970s would have been followed by passenger killings. There would have been attacks on high-profile targets as well—say, the German or Polish Olympic teams.

By the 1990s, the real mayhem would have begun. Raised on victimhood and used as cannon fodder by corrupt leaders, a generation of younger Jews would be blowing up buses, restaurants and themselves. The billions of dollars extorted from various governments would not have gone to the inhabitants of the camps. The money would be in the Swiss bank accounts of the refugees' famous and flamboyant leaders and their lackies.

So now it's the present, generations past the end of World War II, and the festering Jewish refugee problem throughout Europe has absolutely no end in sight. The worst part of this story would be the wasted lives of millions of human beings in the camps—inventions not invented, illnesses not cured, high-tech startups not started up, symphonies and books not written—a real cultural and spiritual desert.

None of this happened, of course. Instead, the Jewish refugees returned to their ancestral homeland. They left everything they had in Europe and turned their backs on the Continent—no "right of return" requested. They were welcomed by the 650,000 Jewish residents of Israel.

An additional 700,000 Jewish refugees flooded into the new state from Arab lands after they were summarily kicked out. Again losing everything after generations in one place; again welcomed in their new home.

In Israel, they did it all the hard way. They built a new country from scratch with roads, housing and schools. They created agricultural collectives to feed their people. They created a successful economy without domestic oil, and they built one of the world's most vibrant democracies in a region sadly devoid of free thought.

Yes, the Israelis did all this with the financial assistance of Jews around the world and others who helped get them on their feet so they could take care of themselves. These outsiders did not ignore them, or demean them, or use them as pawns in their own political schemes—as the Arab nations have done with the Palestinians.

I imagine the argument will be made that while the Jews may have achieved all this, they did not have their land stolen from them. This is, of course, a canard, another convenient lie. They did lose property all over Europe and the Mideast. And there was never an independent Palestine run by Palestinian Arabs. Ever. Jews and Arabs lived in this area controlled first by the Turks and then by the British. The U.N. offered the two-state solution that we hear so much about in 1947. The problem then, and now, is that it was accepted by only one party, Israel. No doubt, the situation of Arab residents of the Middle East back then may have been difficult, but it is incomprehensible that their lot was worse than that of the Jews at the end of World War II.

We don't hear about any of this because giving human beings hope and purpose doesn't make great copy. Squalor, victimhood and terror are always more exciting. Perhaps in the end, the greatest crime of the Jews was that they quietly created something from nothing. And in the process, they transformed themselves.

Golda Meir is credited with having said that if the Jews had not fought back against the Arab armies and had been destroyed in 1948, they would have received the most beautiful eulogies throughout the world. Instead, they chose to stand their ground and defend themselves. And in winning, they received the world's condemnation. Meir said she would take the condemnation over the eulogies.

Mr. Kozak is the author of "LeMay: The Life and Wars of General Curtis LeMay" (Regnery, 2009).

Jews Papaya Busuk

2011-06-21T17:15:00.002+08:00

Americans are self righteous delusionals.
Some, not all.
But saying that some not all is an example of a pointless aphorism.
Well, i rarely do this, cutting and pasting.
But I think this is beyond ridiculous.
It beats Prema Yin's armpit.

What does 'Judeo-Christian' mean? By Dennis prager

The uniqueness of America

http://www.jewishworldreview.com | The United States of America is the only country in history to have defined itself as Judeo-Christian. While the Western world has consisted of many Christian countries and consists today of many secular countries, only America has called itself Judeo-Christian. America is also unique in that it has always combined secular government with a society based on religious values.

But what does "Judeo-Christian" mean? We need to know. Along with the belief in liberty — as opposed to, for example, the European belief in equality, the Muslim belief in theocracy, and the Eastern belief in social conformity — Judeo-Christian values are what distinguish America from all other countries. That is why American coins feature these two messages: "In G-d we trust" and "Liberty."

Yet, for all its importance and its repeated mention, the term is not widely understood. It urgently needs to be because it is under ferocious assault, and if we do not understand it, we will be unable to defend it. And if we cannot defend it, America will become as amoral as France, Germany, Russia, et al.

First, Judeo-Christian America has differed from Christian countries in Europe in at least two important ways. One is that the Christians who founded America saw themselves as heirs to the Hebrew Bible, as much as to theirs. And even more importantly, they strongly identified with the Jews.

For example, Thomas Jefferson wanted the design of the seal of the United States to depict the Jews leaving Egypt. Just as the Hebrews left Egypt and its values, Americans left Europe and its values (if only those who admire Jefferson would continue to take his advice).

Founders and other early Americans probably studied Hebrew, the language of the Jewish Bible at least as much as Greek, the language of the New. Yale, founded in 1701, adopted a Hebrew insignia, and Hebrew was compulsory at Harvard until 1787. The words on the Liberty Bell, "Proclaim Liberty throughout all the land . . . ," are from the Torah. Vast numbers of Americans took Hebrew names — like Benjamin Franklin and Cotton Mather (kattan in Hebrew means "little one" or "younger").

The consequences included a strong Hebrew Bible view of the world — meaning, in part, a strong sense of fighting for earthly justice, an emphasis on laws, a belief in a judging, as well as a loving and forgiving, G-d, and a belief in the chosenness of the Jews which America identified with.

The significance of this belief in American chosenness cannot be overstated. It accounts for the mission that Americans have uniquely felt called to — to spread liberty in the world.

This sense of mission is why more Americans have died for the liberty of others than any other nation's soldiers.

It is why those who today most identify with the Judeo-Christian essence of America are more likely to believe in the moral worthiness of dying to liberate countries — not only Europe, but Korea, Vietnam and Iraq. That is why America stands alone in protecting two little countries threatened with extinction, Israel and Taiwan. That is why conservative Americans are more likely to believe in American exceptionalism — in not seeking, as President Bush put it, a "permission slip" from the United Nations, let alone from Europe.

The second meaning of Judeo-Christian is a belief in the biblical G-d of Israel, in His Ten Commandments and His biblical moral laws. It is a belief in universal, not relative, morality. It is a belief that America must answer morally to this G-d, not to the mortal, usually venal, governments of the world.

That is why those who most affirm Judeo-Christian values lead the fight against redefining marriage. We believe that a pillar of Judeo-Christian values is to encourage the man-woman sexual and marital ideal, and to provide children with the opportunity to benefit from the unique gifts that a man and a woman give a child, gifts that are never replicable by two men alone or two women.

That is why those who most affirm Judeo-Christian values are unmoved by the idea that the war in Iraq is moral if Germany, France, China and Russia say so, but immoral if they oppose it. We ask first what G-d and the Bible would say about liberating Iraq, not what Syria and other members of the U.N. Security Council say.

That is why those who most affirm Judeo-Christian values believe that war, while always tragic, is on more than a few occasions a moral duty. Nothing "Judeo" ever sanctioned pacifism. Of course, the Hebrew Prophet Isaiah yearned for the day that nations will beat their swords into plowshares. But another Hebrew Prophet, Joel, who is never cited by those who wish to read the secular value of pacifism into the Bible, said precisely the opposite: "Beat your plowshares into swords and your pruning hooks into spears. Let the weakling say, 'I am strong!'"

And that is why those who want Judeo-Christian values to disappear from American public life affirm multiculturalism, seek to remove mention of G-d from all public life, and make Christmas a private, not a national, holiday.

The battle over whether America remains Judeo-Christian or becomes secular like Europe is what this, the Second American Civil War, is about.

random note

2011-06-21T08:36:00.002+08:00

hey people.
so yea.
like listen.
i havent been writing much.
but i aspire to soon.
and soon i will write again.
a lot.
i promise.

meanwhile there's the prema yin video clip.
i've been told the guy who directed it was gambit.
whether or not he was referring to x men or an apparatus that could cause injuries.
that i am not sure.
anyway so yea. there's the prema yin's.

and then there's greece.
which owes the world close to half a trillion.

i don't know. i don't know.
this is kind of everywhere.
anyway.

will be back soon.

love love.

Gossips and back bites suck. I didn't say it but I'm sure I read it somewhere.

2011-05-26T11:07:00.002+08:00

"O you who believe, if a wicked person brings any news to you, you shall first investigate, lest you commit injustice towards some people, out of ignorance, then become sorry and remorseful for what you have done."

(al-Hujarat 49:6)

this is a shout out to all entertainment journalists in malaysia. peace.

The Last Supper (I had)

2011-05-16T10:18:00.008+08:00

so i had supper with an atheist the other day, a delightful character, unlike some other arrogant atheists i've known. he is smart as well and i have this penchant for smart people. i enjoy such meeting just to stuff our faces and yea talk about stuff.

the meeting was in bangsar, in a non posh place but not too 'in your face' non posh kind of place. actually i was supposed to meet someone else, who happened to invite him along. it was funny when the person who initiated the meeting left earlier than the people she invited.

i have a feeling she left because she couldn't keep up with the 'chat' we had. and how the chat accelerated exponentially to becoming fatally boring. for her.

anyway.

it started with somewhat a light discussion about art in which we both 'half yawned' after a while. the problem with talking about art is, the person who thinks he is right is almost certain to be the topic of discussion of another group. when it comes to art, if you have an opinion and people seem to agree with you, sometimes it is because they are too tired to listen to you hence, their disagreement will be discussed in agreement by a different group that excludes you.

then we moved on to religion. this was where it got interesting though it was almost the usual stuff, how religion is this and that, how logic is this and that, and then we argued some more... and then we agreed that we couldn't convince each other (though rather contrived) and then argued again, until a cockroach crept unto our table. the chat was so long that 'evolution' happened under the table. that was when we decided to call it quit. it was at 6.00 in the morning.

as i was driving back home i was thinking about the fact that i spent 6 hours debating without outcome. and that it was quite possible that we would've continued if the cockroach hadn't appeared and appeared mysteriously. and that the ultimate question about accepting or rejecting God is not who is right and who is wrong - it is ultimately "where does it stop?".

perhaps for now the answer to that question is, "when the cockroach comes..."

BADAK

2011-05-09T22:44:00.002+08:00

back in school i had a senior named Nurdin. or more famously known as 'Badak'. when i first saw 'Badak' i got pretty scared of him because he was kind of big for kids our size hence the nickname. but some part of me thought, if one is comfortable being called Badak and rightly because one might resemble one, then one must be awesomely awesome. but that certainly didn't change the fact that i was intimidated. apart from the occasional "semekom bang" we never spoke to each other until i was 16 when i joined the rugby team. Badak was 17 and a senior in the team.

it started rather awkward but meeting each other almost everyday on the rugby field got us close. despite Badak's sheer size and his intimidating appearance - he was actually quite a funny chap. i don't remember much of him except for the fact that he made me laugh a lot during rugby training. and that we went to Bangkok together on a 2 day train trip for a rugby match.

the last time i met Badak was about 6 years ago. we chatted for a bit and as usual he cracked jokes. and i remember him telling me that he's getting married to which i smiled and thought he was joking as usual. he wasn't.

anyway, i got news that Badak passed away last weekend due to heart attack. Badak, if you're reading this, i know you'd be angry that i didn't spell your name as Badaque. i just thought that spelling is rather juvenile. i shall see you soon mate. hopefully back at the rugby field.

let us recite "Al Fatihah" for arwah Nurdin. semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat.

HEY WAIT A MINUTE

2011-05-09T22:31:00.003+08:00

aristotle's theory of humour includes "errors and deformities that cause laughter". halimah jongang, fatimah juling are derived from this. those who enjoy comedy based on physical inadequacies or outright deformities perhaps either subscribe to aristotle or his taste in comedy is just plain ancient.

though i think its highly likely the latter.

anonymous who needs attention for the month of may.

2011-05-09T01:46:00.000+08:00

on "SAYA MALAY, SAYA OKAY"

Anonymous said...
dude..

i feel so sad reading ur blog... i mean u come across as very confused and lost.

you are an intelligent man grasping for answers that are simply too big for u to handle.

i hope one day u will be satisfied.. regards
11:57 PM

weather report

2011-04-17T19:34:00.004+08:00

when i was a a boy, i got my haircut at a saloon called Recca Unisex. my occasional haircuts would coincide with my mum's visit for either a hairwash, hair styling or a trim - of which i would fit in between the blip of my mum's hairwash and the actual hairwork.

everyone in my family which includes only my mother and my sister were most of the time oblivious to the result of having my hair to be trimmed by the same stylist - that we both looked the same. it was cute aside from the fact that my hairstyle looked like a middle-aged aunty.

my mother finally realised that something was a bit wrong when we went to shop for a watch. the chinese uncle suggested that i wear a pink mickey mouse watch with fake diamond finishing because he thought i was a 9 year old girl. soon after, she began sending me to a proper barber whom i still go to when i'm back in town these days.

my barber back home in perak is not as rugged as he was before although he still has his moustache strategically connected to his goatee and a gold earring not because he's gay but he thinks it makes him look like he is from the hood.

anyway.

when i first got myself under the spotlight, some people thought that i look a lot like man belon. here is a photo of man belon.

you see. what other people think about you, is only as good as the weather report. weather reports are useless most of the time but when the weather counts, which means you need to weigh your options - weather report can be important as a guide, not the best guide but something you could start with. what matters is you tune in to the right channel cause some channels are plain dumb.

tuning to the wrong channel could potentially ruin your wonderful sunday picnic.

cheers!

giant white ass

2011-04-11T20:56:00.005+08:00

so i watched madu 2 last saturday.
a show about polygamy.
madu 2 was first staged in singapore back in 1989.
in 1989 i had a cat named ginger.
i thought about ginger for a good half hour during the play.

the play was about polygamy as the name suggested.
they had a Q&A session right after.
as usual, being an idiot, i had to give an opinion.
i think i suffer from 'opinionitis'.
that i have opinions about everything.
even when they don't matter.
heh. actually they never mattered.

sorry, a digression.
so yea i said... as usual...
polygamy is never the fault of the system.
erroneous human abusing religion is.
in which in in this case, men.
but you can't generalise men.
hence you are talking about a particular man, a person.
to which a certain middle aged slightly obese caucasian female said...
"well they are all men, so we can generalise!"

Gasp!

i forgot what happened after that.
i remember an image of a white donkey with an ass the size of a dump truck.
and then me and my friends caught that white female donkey.
put a leash on her and spanked her all the way back to her homeland.

and then later on.
we had coffee.
laughed a little bit.
we discussed about the play a little bit.
and then we argued about the number of lights there were in the theater.

i slept at about 4.00.
i recited prayer.
and thought about my mom.
and how we survived the turbulent years of polygamy.
we did okay... and then i thought about ginger.

smiled and fell asleep.

Thicker Than Water

2011-04-11T11:04:00.001+08:00

Well i woke up this morning,
rainbow filled the sky
Yes I woke up this morning,
rainbow filled the sky
That was God tellin' me,
Everything's gonna be alright

Well so long, good friends,
When will we meet again?
I said so long good friends,
When will we meet again?
Well i don't know, i don't know,
But I guess I'll see you then...

Well I'm gonna pack my old guitar,
Move on down the road,
I'm gonna pack my old guitar,
and move on down the road (where you gonna go?)
Where I'll go, I don't know,
But I guess I's gots to go

When I woke up this morning,
a rainbow filled the sky
When I woke up this morning,
a rainbow filled the sky,
Well that was God tellin me,
Everything...Everything is gonna be alright....

Rainbow Jack Johnson

F

2011-04-03T01:41:00.001+08:00

fiksi

2011-03-29T21:32:00.003+08:00

most people in the art scene i've met will at least once in their lifetime as an artist say something to the effect of... "good art comes from the heart..."

well... my dad name is Minhat. its either the heart is mean, or the heart is mean as in average. in both cases, the heart does not care one bit.

some guys i've met at work struggled to prove how smart they are... and sometimes they will say things like "you are not as smart as you think you are..." to each other. which is funny.

i think trying to prove you are smarter than another is actually quite weak and desperate.

people will usually start with superficial things to justify their existence, to differentiate themselves, like for instance, wealth in general, driving a big car, having a trophy wife... good looks, muscles... when all that aren't available people will fall unto intellectual capacity... "well at least i'm smart..." and when even that isn't available... people will fall back to religion. which is the last line of defence.

"at least aku semayang, ingat tuhan..." yeah. whatever.

whatever it is, if you are working extra hard to justify yourself, to continuously differentiate yourself... you are no different. you are not unique... you are the same... and you are easily defined and predictable.

don't fight it, it's inevitable.

gossip blogs

2011-03-22T19:49:00.003+08:00

spend less time with it and you'll smell better

Scene Works - "KOM - PLOT"

2011-03-21T13:35:00.002+08:00

Umi
You, what’s your name again?

Mai Mai
… Mai Mai…

Umi
Mana dia?

MAI MAI POINTS TO THE ROOM WHERE THE BODY OF DATO’ SERI IS.

Umi
Have you called people? [Eats pills like tic-tac]

Mai Mai
Only Baby.

Umi
Good. We don’t want people to know yet. Bila kau telefon?

Mai Mai
A few minutes ago.

Umi
What did he say?

Mai Mai
He’s on the way…

Umi
Did you describe to him what happened to my husband?

Mai Mai
Yes. Roughly.

Umi
Did you tell him, he was stabbed.

Mai Mai
I think so.

Umi
Did you tell him… How many times?

Mai Mai
Errrr… I’m sorry maam, I not sure.

Umi
Not sure – not sure. Hmph. Not sure ke not understand? See Kay, I told you we should’ve hired a real Filipino. What about the police. Anyone called the police yet?

Kay
On the way. Probably. I’m giving them about half hour.

UMI NOTICES DICK.

Umi
Oh my god. Anak sulung. What a surprise. You wanna give Umi a hug?

Dick
Why would anyone do that?

Umi
Sidek. Let’s not do this now. Please. [Stretches her arm]

… AFTER A WHILE UMI IS STILL STRETCHING HER ARM NEEDING A HUG BUT DICK IS JUST STANDING THERE LOOKING LIKE A DICK.UMI GIVE UP AND STUFF PILLS. KAY NOTICES.

Kay
Umi… what’s that you’re eating?

Umi
Pil Migraine.

Kay
Are you sure?

Umi
With some mescaline. I need to open my perception.

Dick
Mak. Ini kematian not some Mesyuarat Persatuan

Kay
Are you drunk too?

Umi
Eh hello, you think I do not know my Islam? I know my Islam ok. Plus. Kalau Umi minum keluar ruam ruam semua kaki, tangan habis. Allergic.

[Pause]

Baby balik macam mana?

Kay
Tumpang kawan

Umi
Hmph

Kay
Umi… stop it.

Umi
What? – Will you stop making excuses for him? How old is he now? Still getting lifts from his friends. Kenapa tanak drive sendiri? Kan ke menyusahkan orang?

Kay
Well - how to drive? He doesn’t have a license.

Umi
Takde lesen. Pergilah amik lesen. How old is he? Even Chimpanzi pun boleh drive kereta... He is what, 21? 30?

Kay
23-lah Umi. Nak amik lesen pun buat apa? He doesn’t even have a car.

Umi
Habis tu kereta yang bersepah-sepah dekat luar tu siapa punya?

Kay
Yours. Mostly. He’s philosophically opposed to ‘driving parents car’

Umi
But he’s still staying with me in my house, tu tak apa pulak?

Kay
Well Umi jugak yang paksa kan? In fact you wanted us all to stay with you right?

Umi
Stop making excuses for him-lah. Apa dia buat sekarang? He’s a what? Dia magician eh ke apa ntah – rite? That’s what I heard. And he blogs too. Why would a magician need a blog?

Kay
He’s a theater actor.

Umi
Theater actor? UuuuuuuUu [To herself]

Dick
Errr… Mai Mai can I get some cookies? [Yells]

Mai Mai
Sure sir.

Kay
Mai Mai no! Eh. What? You think she’s a waitress? How can you eat cookies at times like this.

Dick
Why not?!!

Umi
Kay – let Dick have his cookies will you.

Mai Mai
I’ll go get them

MAI MAI LOOKS FOR COOKIES

Umi
So theater actor… how come he never told me pun?

Kay
He did-lah Umi… I gueess he’s doing well. Started making money for himself already – y’know from the blog.

Baby barged in

Baby
Kay, how did this happen? Have we called the police? Kay? Mai Mai? Where is Mai Mai? Ok- why is everyone still looking at me.

EVERYONE IS STILL STARING AT HIM AWKWARDLY

Kay
Apesal lambat?

Dick
Macam timun!

Baby
-I was from a play, Dick.

Umi
Have you eaten?

Baby
Umi ni takde benda lain ke nak tanya?

Umi
Tengoklah tu. Oh my godddddddd… bahasaaa…

Baby
Fine! - I had dinner. And supper. Already. Now can we stop discussing about my gastronomical conditions?

MAI MAI COMES IN WITH A COOKIE JAR FOR DICK. DICK GRABS THE COOKIE JAR.

Dick
Ok. This is where I split.I don’t wanna watch this!

Kay
Errrr… I guess I need to look for … tudung y’know cover up and all. I’ll be in the room.

DICK LEAVES. KAY LEAVES.

Umi
Baby, why so rude? Why are you doing this? Why can’t you be like… the Siamese?

Baby
Huh?

Umi
Y’know Siamese are the most polite people. That’s why they’ve never been colonised. – I think.

Baby
Oh really? But then again when people ruling them are messed up they go and block the airport. I think I could relate to that.

Umi
Bapak kau baru je meninggal… sekarang tinggal mak sorang, can’t you be nice? All my kids aren’t nice to me.

And why suddenly you wanna block the airport?

Baby
[STARTS SQUINTING HIS EYES AT HIS MOTHER, REPETITIOUSLY]

Umi
What are you doing?

Baby
Trying to make you disappear.

Umi
Why are you messing up with me? I mean your life.

Baby
What do you mean? I have a great life mak. What about you? Happy?

Umi
Oh stop living your life like this is a classic Tamil movie, “where is happiness? Where is love? Where is the knife?” – You know happiness is sooo middle class – which is why people like me don’t care about being happy. Umi pelikla - Why don’t you go and do something useful, huh? Instead of doing that magician thing whatever you’re doing now. Go-lah become doctor ke, accountant ke, lawyer ke… Benda-benda artsie fartsie ni boleh buat suka-suka, like a hobby.

Baby
Umi – stop saying artsy fartsy. And you do know that I didn’t even graduate kan? They need like exams and certificates for that. Besides, I’m happy with life now.

Umi
As a magician?

Baby
Magician? What are you talking about?

Umi
Whateverlah … can you make money with whatever you doing?

Baby
Can. If people stop asking for free tickets.

Umi
Umi tak faham

Baby
Blargh! See!

Umi
Ok, ok. Umi support. We should all join the circus.

Baby
Huh?

Umi
Ok what, the brother is delusional, wants to kill me, sister can be manager, cause she’s a control freak and you’re the magician.

Baby
Yea. And you’re the clown.

'kasih najihah'

2011-03-21T10:14:00.007+08:00

1) i completed a drama work for erma fatima's production. the title of the series is 'kasih najihah' and is a story about najihah (of course it is).

2) some questioned my decision agreeing to do it. most of the time i replied with a smile. or a nonsensical monosyllable like "mm","uh" or "heh"

3) where money is always the case some production houses still strive to maintain dignity in their artwork while some don't (which means as an actor, you're fucked).

4) in a production, the technical team works the hardest for peanut which is unimaginable.

5) as actors, the task most daunting is the 'waiting'. on average you spend more than 60% of your time waiting for your scene.

6) what i enjoyed most about doing a production is the fact that you travel to locations you won't go normally. for instance i now know that there is a serene graveyard in sungai pusu and that the shoplot houses in melawati were broken into partitions and rented out to indonesians and locals at rm 300 which is ridiculously expensive and cruel.

7) ruminah sidek is a fantastic actor.

8) driving home at 3.00 in the morning to go back to the bank for a different life makes me feel like batman.

9) but i am not batman.

10) i am redza minhat. and my initial spells RM.

cheers.

chess

2011-03-11T03:17:00.002+08:00

when i was 8 i used to play chess with a guy 7 years older than me.
i beat him most of the time although he was the one who taught me how to play the game.
one day, we were playing chess, i beat him again.
he was pissed that he threw my magnetic chess set to the wall and it broke.
i cried.
he left.
the next day he came to replace the magnetic chess set.
it was a new set.
but it wasn't the same.
i started losing after that.
i kept losing until i lost interest with the game.
when i lost interest with the game, i decided to not be friends with him anymore.

the other day i saw him.
he was working in a petrol station as a pump attendant.
i wanted to go up to him and said hi.
but from the way he looked at me... i'm pretty sure he doesn't remember.

i kinda miss playing chess with him.
but.
i didn't say anything and i just left.

on the way back i was thinking whether he would still win.

you don't mean to be mean. of course!

2011-03-11T02:53:00.004+08:00

have you ever crawled up, curled dramatically into a dark space wanting to be left alone because you feel worthless.
well, i have.
when i was 18.
like i crawled up to a dark space in between the window sill and the wardrobe of my room.
and stayed that for about an hour.

i wasn't crying.
crying is for pussies.
i stayed there for an hour feeling nothing.
until i felt something crawled up my pants.
it was a lizard.
probably feeling the same way i did.
worthless.
hence he crawled up into the dark space of my pants.

i took my pants off.
but the lizard stayed in.

and suddenly i didn't feel worthless anymore.
because i didn't have my pants on.
strangely, it felt comfortable only in my underwear.
so comfortable i started writing.
a few years later.
what i wrote because of that lizard was staged.

i haven't seen the lizard.
i hope he is well.
because i am.

shit reading

2011-03-11T02:39:00.002+08:00

have you ever been punched in the face?
well.
ive been punched in the face.
by a chinese boy named lee sang chin.
he was tall.
probably the tallest 12 year old in the state of perak.
so like... yea he punched me in the face.
he left a blue black on my left eye.
i told my mom i hit the toilet bowl accidentally.
worst lie ever.
i knew that my mum knew i was lying.
anyway lee sang chin almost died two weeks after he punched me.
he was running to cross the road after he slapped my head from the back.
he was running to cross the road without looking.
a big red lorry almost ran over him.
but it didn't.
i said "damn!"

so yea.
the only time i was punched in the face.
was when i was 12.
by a chinese boy named lee sang chin.
who didn't die in a road accident.

damn...

YOUR LOGIC MY LOGIC... it never ends...

2011-03-09T20:37:00.008+08:00

for all of you logic fan out there... lets look at this conundrum, right.

so yea, let's just say in this world, eventually we will find out whether there is a God or not. which means there are in the end two ultimate probable scenarios, God, or no God. hence let's just assign a 50 : 50 probability to both scenarios; one being "there is a god" the other being "there is no god".

so right, let's explore it further where if there is a God, hence heaven and hell exist while in a world where God does not exist, everyone will sort of turn to dust when they pass on. so we break it down further into the God scenario of heaven and hell or the no God scenario where you turn to dust.

right! so based on binomial path, probability of heaven occuring in this scenario is about 25%, 25% hell and 50% turning to dust summarised in a tacky diagram below courtesy of my graphic designer(sorry it was hard to explain how to draw binomial path over the phone)

so here is the conundrum, knowing that there is a 25% chance that there is an eternal heaven compared to the other two options of eternal condemnation or futility... using pure logic which path would you take?

of course, a logic process entails asking what you need to give up to choose that 25% chance of a heaven existing. in this case the answer is most of the time submitting to a religion. that is what you need to pay.

so yea, back to the question... will you give it a shot?

if you think about it for a second, weighing the odds, for a believer if God does not exist, he'll turn to dust anyway similarly to a non believer, but if God exist then perhaps you'll end up in heaven. so the opportunity cost is... perhaps missing on all the fun things you should have done like i don't know, raping a monkey for instance.

so... using logic, the path conundrum, which one?

cheers.

pointers for the next two weeks

2011-03-07T00:28:00.004+08:00

a facebook status i came across recently read; "i'd rather be an interesting fuck up than a successful bore." - you are only as interesting as your audiences and to be a fuck up is pretty easy.

"because i can..." is my only answer when people question why i choose to speak in english most of the time.

i believe that the term 'escapism' describes 'fleeting happiness' quite well. i am philosophically opposed to anything 'fleeting' and hence the term 'escapism' as well.

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ , ! "" ? <--- some people commented that i wrote without caps and at times without punctuation marks. so here you go, i have provided all the capital letters you need with some of your favourite punctuations. salt and pepper at will.

revolt!

2011-02-02T12:32:00.000+08:00

surprise hanging paradox

2011-01-26T17:46:00.000+08:00

A judge tells a condemned prisoner that he will be hanged at noon on one weekday in the following week but that the execution will be a surprise to the prisoner. He will not know the day of the hanging until the executioner knocks on his cell door at noon that day.
Having reflected on his sentence, the prisoner draws the conclusion that he will escape from the hanging. His reasoning is in several parts. He begins by concluding that the "surprise hanging" can't be on a Friday, as if he hasn't been hanged by Thursday, there is only one day left - and so it won't be a surprise if he's hanged on a Friday. Since the judge's sentence stipulated that the hanging would be a surprise to him, he concludes it cannot occur on Friday.

He then reasons that the surprise hanging cannot be on Thursday either, because Friday has already been eliminated and if he hasn't been hanged by Wednesday night, the hanging must occur on Thursday, making a Thursday hanging not a surprise either. By similar reasoning he concludes that the hanging can also not occur on Wednesday, Tuesday or Monday. Joyfully he retires to his cell confident that the hanging will not occur at all.

The next week, the executioner knocks on the prisoner's door at noon on Wednesday — which, despite all the above, will still be an utter surprise to him. Everything the judge said has come true.

pun...ching you, is easy cause you're beautiful...

2011-01-25T13:18:00.002+08:00

dia mengelamun. halfway through. when he was talking about worldly stuff and finally proposed to marry her. by then she was mentally absent in full.

there was no response.

lelaki sedikit kecewa dan mengalih pandangan. dia memandang ke langit sambil menggenggam buku limanya. he saw the white cumulus built like friendly piles of ice cream and high above... were the thin feathers of the cirrus against the high october sky.

"vacuum..." he said to himself.
"huh?" jawab temannya.
"you are not listening..." he said.
to which she replied, "i know right!"

lelaki kemudiannya melepaskan tumbukan padu ke muka wanita tersebut.

"it would help if you removed the ipod you bitch!" tegas lelaki itu sebelum beredar.

wanita tersengih dan terus mendengar "emmy the great" daripada kumpulan playlist 'jiwa bebas'.

women - masters of the universe

2011-01-20T18:13:00.004+08:00

i don't know why i included this photo. it has nothing to do with what im going to write about.

my mother told me once about how women are of 1 mind and 9 nafsus, while men are of 1 nafsu and 9 minds. i believe that nafsu here simply means emotion. theoretically then men are only capable of understanding a mere 11.9% of women's emotions while women could only see about 11.9% of men's logic. the rest of the 88% are spent in a vacuum where men and women argue and perhaps settle amicably over sex (although they still do not get each other). i'm pretty sure, when my mom said that she meant the whole thing i've just said.

my mom too said, "women are always right".

my grandma would always hug me and whispered, "belajar rajin-rajin, bila besar nanti, jadi orang besar-besar!" you see, this has a lot to do with quantum mechanics. size has a lot to do with mass, and mass is gravity. which means the bigger the mass, the bigger the attraction. which is why politicians, with many followers those who are attached to him are referred to as "orang besar-besar". mawi too used to be "orang besar-besar" - but of late perhaps he is just literally bigger than he used to be.

that being said though, i never aspire to be orang besar.

my nenek too told me, "jangan lepaskan batuk di tangga!" and she the further elaborated that 'batok' contrary to what most people thought it was is an instrument used previously to scoop water from tempayan to wash your feet before going up the stairs of a rumah kampung. hence, jangan-lepaskan batuk here refers to not leaving your scoop by the stairs just in case if someone stumbled over it.

my ustazah when i was eleven, told me that Nur means light and is the guide that binds us. this too has a lot to do with quantum mechanics. Light is actually photon that binds matters. you need photons to bind atoms, atoms form molecules and hence forming objects. without light then, atoms will just be all over the place without a guide.

my little sister when she was 3 spoke gibberish. i recently found out that it meant a digital slr camera if she did well in PMR. and she did.

you see i believe women keep some of the greatest mysteries in this universe. some which might not be captured if a man kept pretending as if they were giving attention while in actual fact he was just thinking about the shape of the clouds.

filem seram

2011-01-16T17:32:00.003+08:00

"saya yakin filem ini akan menjanjikan satu kelainan berbanding filem filem seram yang lain. saya tidak mengatakan yang filem filem seram lain kurang bagus, setiap filem seram di malaysia ini mempunyai kelainannya sendiri..."

eerrr...

if a movie was different but at the same time, all other movies were also different, doesn't it make all movies the same - that they were all different. sunday aphorism.

watching khurafat later.

bye bye blackbird

2011-01-12T00:55:00.003+08:00

so happy new year.

the mind has been a bit slow. lately.
the mind has been searching for a twist.
life should be lived in anticipation of a twist.
otherwise... life is just that - a big pile of unwashed dishes.
in a stupid little kitchen sink.

the mind thinks it is observing the world.
but at times, it believes that it is instead, being watched.
it doesn't matter which one is which one.
because both churn the same result.

the banality of life is the one that wears you out.
not crisis.
not pain not problem.
it is the tragedy of nothing happening.
the missing of a twist.

searching for a twist is a simple concept.
it is like listening to a good story.
a strong premise.
hurdles, fights, people in general, hate, pain - all are essence for progression.
a good plot progression provides a good buildup.
and then, there you go - a twist. somewhere.

be aware though.
in anticipating a twist.
the twist might not be a twist since you anticipate it too much.
its like watching a rerun of a good movie with a twist.
the anticipation kills it.
but without anticipation, you'll miss the excitement.
just-a-note.

anyway.
happy new year, surprise yourself this year.
if you were thinking to buy an mpv, buy a sports car instead.
or a monster bike.
if you were thinking to travel with that extra money saved, invest instead.
invest in stocks.
if you found yourself lying on the beach, reaching out for sunblock cream.
forget that for a while and just enjoy the sun.

so yea, later.

hopefully we meet again.

"it's all greek to me"

2010-12-27T10:42:00.003+08:00

let's see if i could come out with a venn diagram for this. :)

1. “Spain is not Greece.”
Elena Salgado, Spanish Finance minister, Feb. 2010

2. “Portugal is not Greece.”
The Economist, 22nd April 2010.

3. “Ireland is not in ‘Greek Territory.’”
Irish Finance Minister Brian Lenihan.

4. “Greece is not Ireland.”
George Papaconstantinou, Greek Finance minister, 8th November, 2010.

5. “Spain is neither Ireland nor Portugal.”
Elena Salgado, Spanish Finance minister, 16 November 2010.

6. “Neither Spain nor Portugal is Ireland.”
Angel Gurria, Secretary-general OECD, 18th November, 2010.

...

"SAYA MALAY, SAYA OKAY"

2010-12-25T23:29:00.006+08:00

"so why is it immoral to have sex with animals?"
"cause animals can't give proper consent, hence having sex with animals equals rape."
"well then would it be immoral to have sex with a frozen chicken?
to which i answered...
"to waste food is immoral."
and then he replied,
"what if the chicken was about to expire."
and someone also added,
"did he eat the chicken?"...
"i don't know... religion says you can't"

religion...
this is where it gets deeper and problematic.

you see, not everyone subscribes to the same religion or rather not everyone subscribes to religion in the first place. which makes questions regarding morality -tricky. it gets trickier when you are dealing with those who argue that morality should solely be based from a logical stand point and not religion. if you think what i am writing is ridiculous, you should stop now because it is not going to get better.

so how does one present a case on morality, solely using logic. you can't just say "euw that's gross", because what is gross to you might not be gross to others. you can't use concensus, because that wouldn't be fair to the minority. (just so you know there are countries that legally allow incest and beastiality).

malaysia's constitution is mostly anchored by religion. and let me state here for the record - i do not have problems with it. however, i also do note that this might be problematic if one began to question about basic human rights.

homosexuality for example.

some of you might have seen the "saya gay, saya okay," under "seksualiti merdeka" series on youtube. i was reading comments to the video and some of them were atrociously ridiculous, purely mindless epitaphs - a complete waste of braincells. on the flip side though i do understand why they came about.

homosexuality in malaysia can ONLY be argued from two aspects - either on the basis of religion and /or morality. for those who accept religion, MOST would be against it on the basis of both, however for those who discard religion, homosexuality is ultimately a question of moral - is it immoral allow it or immoral to disallow it on the basis of human rights which is what i think what "seksualiti merdeka" about.

problem is...

to have a 33 year old malay man, presumably muslim featured over the internet in a country where muslims are the majority, such outrage is to be expected. i mean, one would be a monumental moron to expect otherwise - and since i think none of them in "seksualiti merdeka" is a monumental moron, i see this as purely manipulative at the expense of one malay man by the name of azwan playing martyr.

let's further simplify the situation. the odds of legalising homosexuality is pretty slim here in this country mostly (like it or not) due to religion. either an outright revolution where the sultanate and islam as official religion are removed or, go head to head with the imams and ulamas proving homosexuality is instead allowed. now if one were to argue that malaysia is a secular country for instance, consuming alcohol is allowed for non-muslims then i would say why then must you include mr. azwan as part of your cause - that doesn't make sense because mr. azwan is presumably muslim and if he was not, now that would bring us to a bigger problem which i shall refrain to discuss for now.

i was talking to a gay friend of mine (muslim malay), asking him whether he would do it - a youtube confession. he gave me the most sensible answer. he realises the situation here in the country and... he doesn't need EVERYONE to accept him the way he is. let's admit it... you can't expect everyone to accept you the way you are, gay or non gay. hmmmmmm... sensible and i have the utmost respect for that. who you are is of course your own right and no one has the right to tell you who you should be. acknowledging that however also needs to be coupled with the realisation that we should not shove such believe unto others.

anyway. that's that.

hemingway said to always include about the weather when writing or telling a story. storm is brewing... i hope i could run for cover.

sekian.

TAUTOLOGY

2010-12-21T23:43:00.007+08:00

in life there are turning points in which your views of the world change dramatically. some of you might cheekily say "we change every minute," - which is true, like your atoms are decaying as you are reading this, but apart from physically changing, that doesn't mean a thing because your core, what makes you as a person stays the same. views however, change and people make adjustments based on this.

for instance, once upon a time, people believed the world was just a pancake, that was the reality, some people were afraid to walk far, fearing they would fall... but then as time goes, people found out that the world is actually round... change of view, people were still walking but they travelled further knowing they would never fall off the cliff. they adjusted.

my mother has been there most of the time, when these view changing events happened. when my father passed away, i was three, i saw my mother cried, sobbing for hours. you know not the typical 'salam raya' kind of cry but i couldn't explain it really, mind you i was three, but what i saw was a woman scared of the unknown, what will become of us and that made me cried too, not because my father passed away but more of seeing her like that. i viewed my mom differently since that day... that everytime she was angry or emotional, i would go back to that very day... and i would understand that she was not angry actually... she was just scared. as a boy, i didn't change, i made her angry still but i was a bit more ready with the consequences and protested less.

once, my mother got into an accident. her old beat up toyota was in the workshop for about a month. we were carless - but she insisted on bringing me and my sister out to KFC to celebrate us getting good grades. took us about an hour to get a cab and while waiting, my mom said, "kalau kita susah, tak ada orang pun pandang," - i was oblivious to that fact till that very day, oblivious to how hard it was for her to live as a widow in such hostile society. i view the neighbourhood differently since then. things started making sense, like why i was never selected to play football for the school even when i deserved it... i didn't change to meet the standards set by society, i moved out from the circle. it made me happier, plus i made new friends with the boys in the nearby palm oil estate when they invited me to join their football team.

time goes by. my mother re-married. i graduated. got a job. did stuff. well whatever. that was that. whatever it is, i am still the same. i made adjustments but i am that very same kid, main bola kaki ayam dengan budak estet beruas, never got a chance to play for the school. so yea, if you want to change yourself or other people... trust me, it is impossible, but what you could do, your best bet, is change views... and then make adjusments accordingly.

after all, having views is what living is about.

troubled world

2010-12-20T17:15:00.009+08:00

responsible for more than 2,000,000 deaths.

allegedly shot her husband with a pump gun.

murdered because of what he preached...

killed john lennon.

killed by BP

work of neurons.

Now... the problem is...

2010-12-14T23:56:00.008+08:00

So there was a review i particularly picked recently in Selangor Times on "Serangan Zombi Pertama di Malaysia"... Well, knowing the reviewer, it was pretty predictable what he was going to write about. Some excerpts...

The more traditionally theatrical, dialogue-driven scenes involve Salmon and risk-adverse physics nerd Ma’an (played by performer/writer Redza Minhat) trapped in an ofcepantry. The big debate? Whether they should leave their safe haven, brave the undead-infested streets, and travel on to Langkawi, a supposedly “Zombie Free Zone”. Eventually,Ma’an comes to the predictable conclusion that he can’t live his life like a routine-obsessed zombie, and takes a chance. That’s paltry stuff. The zombie genre has been pregnant with socio-economic commentary since Romero’s Night on the Living Dead, dealing with runaway consumerism, the concept on the Other, and Hobbesian ideas on government.

Serangan Zombi Pertama di Malaysia was an opportunity for incisive observations about the Malaysian state of being.Unfortunately, it doesn’t dive below surface-level moaning.

Here's what i think.

i know a beruk in tanjung jara who does wonders daily. Sekian.

violence is the last refuge of the incompetent

2010-12-14T09:40:00.004+08:00

i am agree -> wrong.
i agree -> correct.
i am agreeing -> correct.
i agreeing -> wrong.

just a note.

anyway.

the other day i was with my mother watching 'melodi'.
at the end of the show i saw a mamak looking guy angry at something.
it wasn't clear what made him so angry.
possibly about a girl making up story about him.
but he was... so angry.
and in a fit of rage, he yelled
"look here, that girl is NOT MY CUP OF COFFEE!"

whoa. that was awkward.

of course she's not.
you moron.
sigh. people shouldn't be so emotional on national tv.
makes them look like a retard.

sugar ray

2010-12-03T23:09:00.003+08:00

masa aku kecik dulu aku minat sugar ray.
selalu aku pakai baju hawaii dengan rambut tercacak dan sedikit goatee.
pernah sekali ada classmate aku cakap aku nampak macam ricky martin.
tapi gemuk.
aku terus reply, "i just wanna fly. put you arms around me baby, put your arms... get it? get it?"
lepas tu classmate aku terkebil kebil.
"takpelah kalau you tak faham. i tak expect you faham pun."

betul lah kawan aku cakap.
orang memang selalu tak faham apa yang kita cuba portray.

the other day i saw her again.
she was in an mpv.
with a few kids.

i wonder what was she trying to portray.

SURE... INDULGE AWAY!

2010-12-01T23:00:00.007+08:00

early in the morning a status on facebook read,
"so uols, uols rase i patut teruskan ke diet tak makan nasi, apa pendapat uols?"
and... "im in mid valley, shopping for socks, so what colour? grey, black. what do you think?"

and then... i saw these gripping photos sent to me.

and then i was staring blank at the horizon during my morning coffee.

...

PUISI BERUK

2010-11-30T23:28:00.005+08:00

she wrote on a piece of paper and yelled out loud
"super,super, the nomenclature of nature, persists, power, fuelling syndrome of cock!"
she paused and then she continued.
"in and out, in and out!"
and then she exploded into confettis of gold dust...
came a young pedant, packed her up in a can...
and then sprinkled her all over... the silver river.
"gold dust in silver river," said Pepper.
Pepper, Pepper talked about faith.
"its curvy and crooked and its slope is a straight line of logic"
young pedant came and poured honey and licked Pepper all over.
"Bye bye Pepper" said Young Pedant, and then he buried her alive beneath the Big Tree in Kuala Kangsar.
Sealed it with Kurt Godel's penny.
young pedant said, faith in actual fact looks like Jackson Pollock's painting.
and he said "it's not my time yet..."
that was when a purist smacked his head with a hammer made of acid.
little did he know that the hammer made of acid made its trip down south before settling in a middle point said to be where a perfect tangent can be drawn on the planet's curvature.
"super, super the nomenclature of nature!"
she yelled again.
from the bottom of the river.

SIESTA ANYONE?

2010-11-29T16:32:00.005+08:00

see the guy above?
asians funded him.

spain has one of the best unemployment benefits in the world.
it could reach up to 70% of your last drawn salary.
say if your previous job paid you around 5,000 euro, if you were to get fired, you'll get close to about 4,000 euro a month up to 2 years.

imagine getting that much money doin nothing.
spain's unemployment level is currently at 20%.
means 2 in 10 people actively seeking employment couldn't find a job.
spanish government is financing these benefits.
a country needs to be productive to able to fund such programme themselves.
and a 20% unemployment isn't a nice indicator for productivity.

which is why countries borrow money.
and when someone else lends money, that is a form of investment.

just a note.

NOTES

2010-11-23T01:27:00.004+08:00

ok quick one.

number one. people walking slowly annoy me.
number two. yapping bout your babies annoy me.
number three. talking bout your planned holidays annoy me.
number four. most people i know talk about number two and three.
number five. whining bout your shitty job doesn't change the fact that its still shitty.
number six. bank negara malaysia does not manage tax money. just a note.
number seven. the only thing i learned about life for the past 30 years is that, it leaves you by whenever you give it a thought.
number eight. most men wear make up during FFM. i guess that's why the organisers didnt recognise me.
number nine. the traffic police in jalan duta every morning is like a broken pencil. pointless.
number ten. people don't watch theater that much.
number eleven. jobless europeans are cool because they get unemployment benefits. these benefits are funded mostly by asians.

cheers.

Fools! Fools! Fools!

2010-11-02T12:19:00.005+08:00

kurt godel came out with a theorem which in essence proposed that logic could not explain the whole truth - as logic is a system that can be improved continuously, it is impossible for such system to explain the complete truth. if God completes truth then logic could never explain God. although it is possible to use logic when arguing about the existence of God, it may not be complete, as the system of God is complete whereas system of logic isn't.

as an example. think of the biggest number possible. infinity? what about infinity to the power of infinity. no? see. you can't... because there is no end to it.

without logic then one can only rely on guts - which can be wrong.

this is where i picked my nose.

beautiful head - the national

2010-11-01T21:27:00.001+08:00

You're walking taller than you should
The air is thin around your beautiful head
You're saying things with your mouth to me
That I don't recognize
You're aware of yourself lately

Redefining yourself
Designing yourself
You haven't looked at me forever
Got a diagram of your associations
A strategy
You're weighing your options

What would you trade me for?
You're measuring me lately
And I can tell
And I can tell I'm losing weight
You're measuring me lately
You're dressing me

Do not tell me I've changed
You're just raising your standards
Do not give me away
I am the same
I am the same

Have you found him?
Have you told him everything?
Does he say he feels bad about all this?
You've shown tenderness for me
Tenderness for me
To him

Do not tell me I've changed
You're just raising your standards
Do not give me away
I am the same
I am the same

start a war

2010-11-01T19:58:00.002+08:00

what are you wearing?

a shirt.

yea i know. what's with the crowded flower motives?

my aunt got it for me.

less is more. less is more.

you mean less flowers.

you know what i mean... "less" is "more"

then if less was moree...

yesss...

and what i am wearing is more...

yesss...

then more is less... am i right?

yeas i think so.

so less is eventually... more? no?

energia

2010-10-29T20:39:00.002+08:00

as graceful as you look.
you still make the same sound when you flush the toilet.

:)

dressing room, pentas 2, klpac

APA KATA HEMINGWAY

2010-10-22T10:59:00.003+08:00

JOHOR BAHRU PUTERI UMNO CHIEF said sanitary pad commercials will lead to social ills amongst the younger generation.

Chief Puteri UMNO. what is that? is that even a job? you do that for a living. you can?

anyway. that brought me to those days when i was a kid when i used to watch the 6 o clock chinese drama with mum everyday. she comes back home from work at 5.30 and well we had no astro.

two things i remember most, "hoi munnnn aaaarr" which means "Open the door arrrrr" and "mou hamm arrrr" which means "don't cry aaarrrr" - so i deduced that chinese 6 o clock dramas involved a lot of people being locked outside the room and then people crying.

PUTERI UMNO Chief. Seriously?

ok i ran out of things to write about so i'll finish this with a haiku of what i saw this morning.

skirt mini polka dot,
singlet cotton ketat,
nyah seksi.

cheers. :)

RESPECT!

2010-10-01T14:22:00.006+08:00

rajinikanth is a hero in the truest sense. i've seen him beat up 10 crooks with one single back flip with one hand holding ray ban. forget 10, and then a set of 50 crooks with his vashti. in his movie talaphati not telephaty directed by the famous mani ratnam (based on mahabaratta text) he played surya an anti hero who was a bastard child dumped in a train. long story short, his nemesis married the love of his life and when they went loggerheads, he found out that his nemesis was his brother. of course he won in the end but losing so many. talaphati isn't like the normal masalla tamil movie formula - i have profound respect for the way it was done.

the swagger, the cool factor and the look of a common people made him a superstar. most heroes in tamil movies are averaged looking compared to their foxy women in lead roles. this formula works as it gives hope to average looking men - knowing that they stand a chance to get foxy women with well endowed bosoms.

guess what, this year Rajinikanth is playing an android at the age of 60. beat that!

what time does to you.

2010-09-28T09:41:00.004+08:00

My Raya Post

2010-09-12T01:42:00.007+08:00

so for this year's raya im going for a cyan coloured cotton baju melayu with habib jewel big bling bling buttons. one thing i love most about raya is the smorgasbord of food - oh two things actually - family get together and... oh there is one more, oh yea, mercun. im fascinated by how mercun can kill small animals. watching them explode or implode is truly amazing stuff. to enhance my post visually, here is a photo mine. i wish i could post photos of dead small animals but i don't have them right now. maybe i will post it later.

so about my baju melayu, its usually cotton and its pretty simple. i don’t like anything too fancy because i’ll be wearing it for the rest of the day so I need to be comfortable and then cotton, is good to handle heat. i do expect to stuff my face that day and perhaps make out whenever i can, so i need something comfortable.

shit. if i were to write stuff like this, i will be updating my blog every hour. fuck. that's a lot of work.

NO WAY.

anyway. what i really wanted to talk about is indifference. and why indifference is always more painful than hate. or love for that matter. it could be explained by heisenberg's uncertainty principle. it states that precise inequalities that certain pairs of physical properties, such as position and momentum, cannot be simultaneously known to arbitrarily high precision. why, imagine a coin with one side being speed, the other being position, you could only see one side for each coin toss.

same goes to love and hate. they are essentially two sides of the same coin. so for every flip of a coin you'll see a side. if a coin were to 'get stuck' in the middle during a flip then the coin has yet to decide.

indifference on the other hand - means there is no coin. which means if you were to be indifferent to my ideas... your thought about me with regards to love or hate will be nothing. its as if you and me never exist in the same space - like that coin.

indifference. there is no coin.

selamat hari raya. and i maafkan you all yang tak indifferent towards me. cheers.

VAN GOGH

2010-08-29T03:31:00.007+08:00

so i was at one of those art festivals when someone came up to me asking "so, who's your favourite painter?". to be brutally honest (i do not know why people use this term "brutally honest" cause semantically, it doesn't mean a thing, because brutal can also be a result of a lie but then again i thought, it makes a claim pretty credible. because somehow, the word brutal attracts attention similarly when one uses aggression to get his way) i can't even draw to begin with. when i was 9 i had an art teacher who was half cuckoo. she once made the class read her grocery list for her planned dinner with her husband that night. when i questioned her why we were made to read it, she was furious and asked the whole class to draw all items on her grocery list. i of course found a better way to do the assignment and drew 'a list' with what appears to be small miniature items on it and as a consequence was sent to the principal's office. until today i failed to see why i was sent to meet mr. vasudevan because it thought the list i drew was pretty awesome.

anyway. so, since i can't draw and hence not a painter myself(thank you for still reading this and keeping up with my logic) - i have no favourite in mind although i think with such beautiful russian nose i believe i would make a fine looking painter. in such situation though, one would not want to disappoint the conversation by saying "no i don't have any" or "i hate painters so you pseudo bohemian thrash can chew my socks" or "ugh art..." because social convention needs you to keep up no matter how demanding it could be.

without hesitation i answered van gogh. ive read about him a few times and i kind of like his violent brush strokes and how they affect my thoughts, its pretty strange how french impressionistic can affect me so much. again, to be brutally honest (i quite enjoy using this term and also this constant meta reference) i wasn't sure of what i was saying but it didn't matter, i remembered one of my superiors at work saying, you do not have to be 100% accurate, but only in a range of 60-70%, the rest is just merely getting into details. i thought my statement was pretty close to that.

and then she replied with a "VAN HOFF, its pronounced VAN HOFF"... i was about to argue when i thought that it wasn't my field to begin with and hence any sort of argument will just bring me deeper into the conversation exposing points of many queries. she was drinking camomile tea.

i was about to smile and walk away when i fell into a blip of brillianceness and i asked her, "didju know murakami" she said "yes" and then i said "good, perhaps then you've heard this" ... there was an element of drama in that micro pause, which ended with me saying "see this? jco donuts, and whether you take the doughnut hole as a blank space or as an entity unto the donut itself is a purely metaphysical question and does not affect the taste of the doughnut even one bit." she nodded, perhaps agreeing that i was pretty awesome. then i went on to watch a dance show which i had no idea what it was about. apparently i heard people in the audience saying it was good art.

brillianceness. is not a word.

MCKK C 1954

2010-08-17T14:15:00.001+08:00

share ramadhan

2010-08-12T17:34:00.005+08:00

when prophet muhammad was forbade from praying at kaaba, the quran describes the front of head or 'naseyah' responsible for lying and being sinful -instead of the person doing it.

in actual fact.

the front of head or the prefrontal area located at the front of the cerebral cortex is indeed responsible for planning, motivating, and initiating good and sinful behavior and is responsible for the telling of lies and the speaking of truth.

pretty cool if that was just a guess don't you think?

(Quran, 96:15-16)

Movie Reviews

2010-08-06T09:14:00.002+08:00

so yea.
recently someone asked me - how come ive never written movie reviews on my blog. in particular malay movies. i said - shit. i don't know. well yea. maybe i should.
so over the past weeks ive been buying movies just to check them out and maybe write about them. so i bought Belukar, Andartu Terlampau, Duhai Si Pari Pari, Bohsia, Evolusi KL Drift 2 and a few more ugh i can't remember - probably because they aren't worth mentioning. Each of course costs me about 20 bucks. Pretty expensive though.

So here's my review.

Yea. Hope you enjoyed reading it.

Inhibitions

2010-07-26T09:59:00.005+08:00

so i was at teh tarik place the other day.
ordered nescafe 'o' ais and maggi goreng.
nothing interesting happened.
so i took out a book and started reading.

the waiter came with a 'mee goreng' instead.
i said "maggi goreng, i don't eat this"
he looked puzzled with his head slightly bent.
he stared blank at the plate he was holding.
he walked away.
i continued reading.

a minute later he came with a mee goreng again.
i believed it was the same plate as the trajectory of the telur goreng was similar.
i said "maayyyyy giiiiii GO-RENG - Fried maggi mee - you know?"
he looked even more puzzled.
a word popped out in my head somehow.
'contrails' - which are the visible trails of condensed water vapour made by the exhaust of aircraft engines.
i do not know why.

he left.

a minute later.
a big indian man in black came.
"mee goreng?" he asked.
"come on man, i know what i want!"
"but this is mee goreng, sedap jugak!" he replied, with an uneven smile on his thick lips.

"maggi goreng, maggi goreng, maggi goreng, maggi goreng... that's what i want!!!"

the big indian man is still there, his head was shaking in a small circle of intrepid - still smiling, and still holding the plate of mee goreng.

he placed the mee goreng in front of me.
pushed it bit by bit.
i could see his thick lips slightly separated.
i could see his toungue slightly sticking out.

i had mee goreng and suppressed anger that day.

three words came out in my head.
"swirling" "vortex" and shit... i can't remember the other one.

what do i think of 1 Malaysia?

2010-07-16T02:13:00.005+08:00

back in school, recess is that blip between ordo naturalis.
recess is a form of subversion.
we played a lot of games during recess.

one i remember was a game called 'pepsi cola'.
of course nobody knew the reason why it was called that.
the objective of the game was to thump on the other players' body parts (usually the foot) in one motion - usually done by acrobatic jumping.

wearing white shoes made it easier for the game to be played.
i used to have 5 pairs of BM 2000 shoes ready for pepsi cola.

i had a friend named siva, he was the son of the shopkeeper.
he was a good 'pepsi cola' player.
he could kill three players with one jump.
that was awesome.
he is married now, with 3 kids to badariah begum.
both of them work in pusat kesihatan kecil gerik.
i think they are happy.

his nemesis was soo chee wong - whom i heard died in 2002 - found in a jungle in pantai remis with stab wounds.
i doubt it was because of 'pepsi cola'.

i was never a good player.
maybe because of my mom.
she hates it when my shoes are dirty.
she wanted my shoes to stay white throughout the week.
i think like me, my mum has OCD.
but i love her nonetheless.

most importantly what i want to say is we all had fun playing 'pepsi cola'.

i guess that is what 1 Malaysia is all about.
stepping on each other without reasons and call it fun.

well. it was until the bell rings.

that's just classic.

2010-07-14T09:23:00.008+08:00

whether you realise it or not, you've made a choice.
whether to live in the world or to live in the head.
whatever your choice is.
do not impose it on others.
to not impose is as simple as to not preach.
however - when you are questioned about your choice.
rule changes.
you are no longer imposing.
most of the time being indifferent is power.
to be indifferent to the reality of others is difficult.
of course it is when there are about 7 billion realities in this world.
what is real and what is not are usually pointless.
let them be the work of neurons.

now what is real to you is the best thing you could have in this life.
keep it to yourself.

i am not preaching.
the fact that you read this piece of writing means i've been given permission to talk.

thats not torres thats bruno

2010-07-09T14:33:00.002+08:00

blurgh

2010-07-07T09:29:00.003+08:00

graham
panas betul hari ini

dodd
neraka laaaagi panas

graham
wah. how come you know?

dodd
i don't. retorik kot.

graham
owh.

[tiba tiba graham berubah menjadi raksasa bertanduk dan bermata merah menyala]

dodd
uik?

graham
why? surprised?

dodd
yeah!

graham
aku-lah syaitan... mari aku bawa kau ke neraka!

dodd
owh fuck.

graham
my friend, berhati-hati menggunakan retorik cliche. you never know...

haha haha bodoh

2010-06-24T09:26:00.003+08:00

1. Jakarta and Jogjakarta, Indonesia; 20-24 April 2003
Total cost: RM 201,452

Dr Khir, his wife, daughter and maid also went on the trip. The purpose was for delegates 'to study' Indonesia's batik production which was supposed to lead to the opening of a batik factory in Selangor.
Cost of airfare for Dr Khir, his wife, daughter and maid: RM37,695
Miscellaneous cost incurred by the delegates: RM34,404
Spent on two-day rental of a limousine / Mercedes Benz in Jakarta: RM5,800
Paid for two-day rental of a limousine / Mercedes Benz in Jogjakarta: RM5,000

2. Morocco and Paris: 17-24 December 2004
(inclusive of four-day transit in Dubai)
Total cost: RM900,000

The trip, attended by Dr Khir, his wife, children and maid as well as PNSB delegates, was 'to study' Islamic architecture, which could be adopted in Selangor.

The group, which had a reconnaissance trip beforehand, also visited Paris Disneyland to generate ideas for a theme park in Bagan Lalang, Sepang.

They bought tickets to enter the theme park and did not meet any Disneyland representatives.

Cost of official trip: RM416,000
Airfare: RM366,000
Ground arrangements: RM420,000
City travel: RM70,000
Other expenses: RM43,000

3. Honolulu (Hawaii) & Orlando (Florida): 23 December 2007 to 1 January 2008
Total Cost: RM646,841
Additional cash taken: RM101,000

A 'technical study' on the Bagan Lalang theme park was also the pivotal reason for the trip. The group, comprising Dr Khir, his family and PNSB delegates, bought tickets to DisneyWorld and again did not meet any Disneyland representatives.
A tour guide instead took them around. Cost of Dr Khir's luxury suite:RM110,000

Cost of six single superior rooms for the delegates: RM171,000
Cost of one twin-sharing room: RM24,800

Khairiyah claimed that on the trips, Dr Khir and his wife flew only first class.

The itinerary of the US trip also included visits to Miami Beach, island tours, dinner cruises and a Honolulu city tour.

TO BP

2010-06-17T09:50:00.002+08:00

‘Cause I am barely breathing
And I can’t find the air
I don’t know who I’m kidding
Imagining you care
And I could stand here waiting
A fool for another day
But I don’t suppose it’s worth the price, worth the price
The price that I would pay

I say goodbye.

kegemaran ramli abas

2010-06-15T17:16:00.004+08:00

ramli abas kelihatan lebih ceria pada hari itu. pada hari itu ketika beliau meramas tetek lembu. kelihatan jus putih penuh lemak mengalir keluar hasil setiap ramasan.

pada hari itu, nazwan ishak mengikuti rombongan pemuda umno pantai remis untuk melawat ladang tenusu yang telah dicadangkan buat sekian lama. ladang lembu tenusu milik majikan ramli abas.

ramli abas masih meramas-ramas, peluh mula mengalir daripada dahinya. peluh-peluh itu kelihatan seperti askar-askar kerdil dan translusen yang berpusu-pusu untuk roll call. kesemuanya berkumpul, berbaris di dagu. titisan-titisan peluh ramli abas membuakan beliau nampak seksi.

nazwan ishak pula duduk di tepi kandang dalam keresahan sambil membetul-betulkan topi nelayan cap 'Titleist' tiruan yang dibelinya di pasar manila di sabah. entah kenapa, nazwan ishak terasa aneh melihat ramli abas meramas. dia kurang pasti sama ada, perasaan aneh itu datang dari ramli abas yang tegap berkulit hitam-hitam coklat - atau lembu betina yang mekar dan munggil itu - yang juga berwarna hitam-hitam coklat. nazwan ishak masih merenung. kalaulah renungan itu boleh membunuh.
agak kurang pasti siapa yang akan mati. ramli abas atau lembu yang diramas.

ramli masih meramas. kadangkala lidahnya terkeluar akibat khusyuk.

ketika itu, puan jamal jamaliah terus mengujarkan agar mereka meneruskan peninjauan di sekitar ladang tenusu itu. ketua rombongan lantas setuju dan terus membuka peluang kepada peserta rombongan yang kesemuanya kelihatan mandom dan bosan untuk bertanyakan soalan.

secara automatik, otot otot lengan nazwan terpanggil untuk mengangkat tangan. semua mata kuyu kini dijegilkan ke arah nazwan ishak. nazwan ishak masih lagi terpaku, mulut sedikit ternganga dengan tangan yang kejap melayang di udara.

ketua rombongan terus bersuara memecah kesunyian awkward.

"ye encik nazwan?"

nazwan tersentak dan lantas terus menjawab...

"i'll have what he's having..." sambil tersengih menuding jari kepada ramli abas yang masih gigih meramas.

"oh, gelinciran freud..." kata ramli abas dalam hati.

kim jong nam

2010-06-11T17:06:00.006+08:00

when i was a kid, most of my friends were older boys. i used to get into fights with them for many reasons, one of it maybe because i used to look like a girl.

i remember this one asshole i used to fight with... it will always start with petty arguments. like for instance...

"wey budak, basikal kau buruk la?"
"basikal kau laaagi buruk"
"basikal kau laaaaaaagi buruk..."
"basikal kau buuruk gila babi"
"basikal kau buuuurruuukk gila babi babi"
"basikal kau laaaaaaaaaaaaaagiiiiii bughok gila babi babi babi babi infiniti"
"diam lah bodoh"

and then he beat me up. it was not a pleasant experience having someone to sit on your face.

so one day. i thought to myself. what is this 'fighting others' all the time. and this thing called argument that almost always will lead to me getting beaten up. then i realised that it was mostly meaningless. so maybe, if i could stop, and just drop it maybe i won't be kicked in the ass. so maybe, whatever they say... just play along and not go against it.

so one day. again i met this asshole on my way to the surau.

"wey bodoh, basikal kau buruk"
"yelah basikal aku burukkk..."
"hahahaha bodoh, habis basikal buruk kau naik buat apa?"
"sebab aku miskin tak ada duit nak beli basikal baru"
"mana ada, bapak aku lagi miskin!"
"yelah bapak kau miskin"
"BAHALOL, KAU CAKAP BAPAK AKU MISKIN?"

and then he sits on my face again - this son of an ustaz asshole. after almost getting my beautiful russian looking nose and very pretty brown eyes almost flattened out of shape - i thought i must change this style of arguing. maybe if i walk away... or maybe smile and walk away, towards the horizon - he'll let me go.

so yea. one day mak aku suruh pergi kedai. he was hangin at this burger shop with his friends.

"wey bahalol, belilah burger"
so. i walked up to him. i smiled and walked away.
"woi pekak ke? BUDAK PEKAK! BUDAK PEKAK KURANG AJAR! WOI BELI BURGER PUN TAKDE DUIT KE?"

i won. he didn't sit on my face that day.
or so i thought.

"Woi... budak pekak, bapak kau bodoh tak ajar kau ke?!"

well sometimes you just can't let go. i went back and slapped him in the face. and kicked his gonads. and then i ran. they eventually caught me and sat on my face again.

i learnt a lesson that day. some people are born to sit on the faces of others. accepting reality is better than going against it.

i haven't met that asshole in a lonnngg time. maybe he might look like this now.

sigh.

moving on.

2010-06-02T16:19:00.002+08:00

when i was a kid i used to have a cat named ginger. he was a magical cat. everyday after school ill put him under a red laundry basket and pretended i was a magician. the red laundry basket will appear as if it moves around controlled by my mind. that trick never failed to impress aunty Rani the gullible neighbour. her husband was a taxi driver and he sometimes drank too much. their son named Harjit now works as a prison warden in singapore.

ginger had a bad habit - eating in front of the tv. my mother smacks ginger every meal time calling him a "badass" cat. ginger isn't a badass cat. he was just a cat with a bit of magic and of course a stubborn cat who likes having his food in front of the tv. one day, i found out why he doesn't like eating his food where he was supposed to. there was actually a real "badass" cat stealing his food. i kicked the cat's ass but he kept coming back. i got tired and i thought, "yeah eat in front of the tv... whatever" but then my mom came and she smacked ginger and she smacked me as well.

what i realised was. at that point, i was pretty much similar to ginger the cat. both of us can't reason. or credible enough to reason. ginger died about three years later. i think aunty rani's husband died too. from consuming alcohol. i think.

anyway the picture above isn't a photo of aunty rani.

to all saints with love

2010-05-27T09:29:00.004+08:00

ive got a pretty interesting reply for my previous entry which deserves audience. enjoy.

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OK, I'm bringing the fight over to here. Some quotes from Wiki:

- Currently, there is widespread scientific consensus that exposure to secondhand smoke is harmful. The link between passive smoking and health risks is accepted by every major medical and scientific organization, including:

* The World Health Organization
* The Centers for Disease Control
* The United States Surgeon General
* The United States Environmental Protection Agency[99]
* The Australian National Health and Medical Research Council[105]
* The United Kingdom Scientific Committee on Tobacco and Health[106]

* The governments of 168 nations have signed and currently 164 have ratified the World Health Organization Framework Convention on Tobacco Control, which states that "Parties recognize that scientific evidence has unequivocally established that exposure to tobacco smoke causes death, disease and disability."

- The International Agency for Research on Cancer of the World Health Organization concluded in 2004 that there was sufficient evidence that secondhand smoke caused cancer in humans.

- A British study reported that exposure to secondhand smoke increases the risk of heart disease among non-smokers by as much as 60%, similar to light smoking.

- Evidence also shows that inhaled sidestream smoke, the main component of secondhand smoke, is about four times more toxic than mainstream smoke."

- Secondhand smoke is popularly recognized as a risk factor for cancer in pets."

- Animals like dogs, cats, squirrels, and other small animals are affected by not only second-hand smoke inhalation, but also nicotine poisoning... Littered cigarette butts from smokers are a problem for small animals that mistake them for food."

So, let's see........ your lifestyle choices are more important than the health of others? Fuck you.

And for those of you who claim that Wikipedia is unreliable, you're supposed to read the citations, silly.

OK, so suppose you say non-smokers can fuck off. Then I say why don't YOU fuck off? Simple reason: There are times when being exposure to second-smoke is unavoidable unless legislation is put into place. E.g., restaurants (people need to eat), work place (people need to work), toilets (people need to shit), parks (people need to sweat), beaches (people need to see turtles), clubs (people need to grind), bars (people need to get laid, uhh, I mean, drink).

http://www.facebook.com/l/2b60b;en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smoking_ban
would help you see why this is important, such as:

- In the first 18 months after Pueblo, Colorado enacted a 2003 smoking ban, hospital admissions for heart attacks dropped by 27% while admissions in neighbouring towns without smoking bans showed no change.

- UK's Bar Workers' Health and Environment Tobacco Smoke Exposure (BHETSE) study found the percentage of all workers reporting respiratory symptoms, such as wheezing, shortness of breath, cough and phlegm production, fell from 69% to 57%.

- A comprehensive smoking ban in New York was found to have prevented 3,813 hospital admissions for heart attacks in 2004.

You will note there's one (only one) contradictory study, but it was carried out by non-health professionals.

Also, this might be new to you, but
http://www.facebook.com/l/2b60b;www.nytimes.com/2009/01/03/health/research/03smoke.html?_r=1
shows the effects of third-hand smoke. So yeah, even if you do not smoke directly in front of a non-smoker, there are all these particles that you carry with you or are left behind, that will be inhaled by them.

Anyway, on a kinder note, this website might help you see past your defensive rationalization mechanisms at work when it comes to smoking:

http://www.facebook.com/l/2b60b;quitsmoking.about.com/cs/junkiethinking/a/rationalization.htm
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a. I don't own pets
b. I agree second hand smoking increases the risk of you having cancer compared to those not exposed - like when i agreed that if you go to the jungle and wrestle a bear, you are more likely to die compared to those staying at home.
c. In sum, I've already agreed that smoking does not contribute positively to health. anymore pasted facts on that i consider porn for grandma. its like watching re-runs of little house on prairie in the afternoon.
d. I also agree that sometimes it is unavoidable to avoid the lifeless, shapeless, spineless inanimate smoke in public places. But i have a solution for that, either ban smoking in those places (which you can't - and i'll explain this later) or avoid it in the first place. avoid the unavoidable.
e. The reason why it is called a public place is solely because it is maintaned by tax payers money. unless if you want to go down to "how much we paid tax" last year, let it still be a public place.
f. If the world has endorsed smoking as badass, then ban it already. now except for perhaps a number of districts and states think why they haven't done it. mostly because they can't. the economy is like a big giant orgy made by pockets of orgy. the bigger pocket is usually more important than the lesser one. talking further about this will lead to you becoming an anti capitalist and i shall try to avoid that.
g. Since you can't ban smoking entirely, and apparently it is so difficult to avoid cigarette smoke, on top of that it is four times more toxic than actually smoking it, why don't you go get a pack and reduce your risk by four times.
h. everyone's a junkie at something. you are boring if you don't have one.
i. your reply confirms what i said... that we are all selfish, it goes down to you saying fuck you to me and me replying with a big fu too. i hope we are both not offended.
j. when i was a kid, i knew an ice cream seller who annoyed basically everyone in the neighbourhood with his funky-epileptic-cheap disco ice cream tune. one day one neighbour told him off in which he replied, "lu tak suka, lu pindah pigi hutan la!"
k. i'll catch you around. :)

berasap-asap.

2010-05-26T10:15:00.008+08:00

we all know that.

smokers are pretty much second class citizen compared to non-smokers.

but smoking. boy isn't it fantastic. its like a reset button. whatever it does to me, it works. on top of that, cigarette smoke gives you a mythic appearance, imagine appearing from a dark corner with minimal lighting, croony jazz tune and cigarette smoke.

until your mom spoils it.

obviously smoking doesn't contribute positively to health but i'm saying this - so are a lot of other things. like car racing in sepang, transmission towers, concrete slabs in hartamas, mcdonalds, drinking teh tarik, drinking coke - owh! almost all negeri sembilan food are nothing but heart attack on a plate (no offence), ive seen a lady who eats roti canai every day which means at least she eats 20 pieces of roti canai a month at minimum - surely smoking increases my chance of getting the obvious lung cancer, but i avoid eating rice on weekdays, surely it pretty much squared it out doesn't it? so how is that different with cigarettes?

lets see.

nope.

can't think of any.

wait. maybe this. a few years back, when i first started, i found out how easily people get annoyed by cigarette smoke. many women were repelled as they waved condescendingly the inanimate lifeless smoke away. and many times i was lectured about... horrible things that happen to you being a second hand smoker. pretty hyperbolic though its like yea, you are telling me this but your food blog explains your figure at the same time.

so between overconsuming carbo and smoking, the only parallel comparison is that, people are lame and obnoxious and we are all on a constant justification trip point-to-point. whether or not they realise it is a different thing. other people could die, but not me. and since i do not consume nicotine, i am ok. and a selfish too.

i guess - that's ok. cause i am by design - a selfish anyway. and i do believe a man can be an island. i have always been prepared to only exist in people's memory lapses. on top of that i am easily annoyed by things too, which means i could relate if one was annoyed by the inanimate, lifeless cigarette smoke.

but here's the thing. since cigarette smoke is inanimate, its lifeless and hence won't follow you around. if you see someone smoking and you hate it.

walk away.

we don't want you around anyway. tu je. :)

swear it wasnt me.

2010-05-24T13:59:00.001+08:00

oh, come on!

i can crush you with my frontal lobe - easily

2010-05-20T14:07:00.006+08:00

have you ever been told to... "hey, go do something with your life!"
and then you said... "i am doing something with my life"
and then they said... "oh yea? like what?"
and then you said... "ok, ok, fine get off my back!"

first of. whoever told you to do something with your life is an asshole.
you wanna know how an asshole look like? like this.

ok.
now while they are all assholes, you are a douche.
you wanna know what you look like?

yeah. that.
usually people think other people should go "do something with life" the way they do something with life.
while you can just ignore them - your job is to figure out what you wanna do.

and i have a thumb rule for that.
figure it out now.

not tomorrow or two weeks later or next year.
you gotta always figure it out.

you don't wanna end up a dead fish in the middle of a major oil spill.
cause oil spill is out of your control.

imma gonna let you finish working my back

2010-05-17T17:38:00.001+08:00

so guys.
finding it hard to get a girl to agree on backrubs?
try this.

decent is not enough

2010-05-13T09:36:00.003+08:00

arman. born a malay.
went to a sekolah kebangsaan.
went on to sekolah menengah kebangsaan.
realised his life started when studying for pmr.
didnt do that well in pmr.
had fun when he was 16.
played football for school.
studied hard for spm.
he was worried of not getting a place in the university.
he did well.
got a place in a local university.
studied IT because he was fascinated with the internet.
mainly the Internet Relay Chat.
found love in university.
he graduated second class upper.

got a job as tech support in an oil company.
got married at 26.
had his first kid 2 years later.
bought his first MPV when he was 30.
that was when he got his second kid.
brought his family abroad to do his mba.
came back and became a manager.
bought a house a year later from his fat bonus.
nothing much changed 10 years later as he watched his kids grew.
loyal to the company til the day he retired.
retired a general manager.

perform Haj 3 years later.
was diagnosed with colon cancer at 60.
struggled with cancer for a year.
devoted his life to God.
was declared free of cancer at 63.
had granchildren.
and more grandchildren.
was again diagnosed by cancer at 68.
gave up trying a year later.
passed away the following year.
his family thought he had a decent life.

on his deathbed though.
he thought something was missing.
he realised he was living life on a path.
its like a man made formula to ensure continuity of system.
he thought something was missing.
he never found out what it was.

what can i do...

2010-05-12T14:54:00.000+08:00

i wanna live as efficient as i can

2010-05-11T10:32:00.001+08:00

you wanna know why ignorance is bliss?

2010-05-05T17:16:00.003+08:00

birds were still chirping this morning. traffic, still bad. how much the world affect you is inverse to how happy you are.

pedulikkan.

han solo terbang berdua

2010-05-04T14:10:00.003+08:00

i want many things in life.
but sometimes i realise that i can't have them.
when i can't have them, i train myself to not want them.
which was depressing.

maybe.
its time for a change.

hidup merantau

2010-04-30T14:37:00.005+08:00

when i was younger, i talk real loud.
then i realised, no one's listening.

i used to run everyday to chase the train.
i realised that, standing still is an option.
you'll miss the train though.

i used to know a fish lady in brickfields...
we don't talk to much cause i ain't got no money.
she taught me though... that no matter what you do...
you walk tall...
or baby, you don't walk at all...

and yes.
love your mother. you could never go wrong with that.

your post modern sermon made me barf.

2010-04-26T16:37:00.001+08:00

its hard to be a saint in the city

2010-04-26T14:04:00.002+08:00

ni gambar aku.
my mum kept it away til i found it recently.

there are about 6.9 billion human beings in this world.
which translates into 6.9 billion realities.

in my reality i am that guy in that picture.
you can call me delusional.
:)

emotional hedging part deux

2010-04-13T17:35:00.004+08:00

its very easy to 'appear' philosophical.

group subjects into two, give an example and finish your sentence with, "that's life"
for instance, "you know in this world there are people who like you and there are people who do not like you. you like you, i do not - like you. that's life."

now, whenever you are in the middle of a deep conversation in particular with a melayu pseudo mat saleh, pseudo deep, pseudo bohemia, holding a beer, please try the above.

he will be very fascinated with your thoughts.

POW!

2010-03-26T11:59:00.002+08:00

whenever i do or say stupid things...

i get punched.

i wish all of you... get punched too.

dah habis dah adli

2010-03-17T18:23:00.001+08:00

ni gambar gua dengan adli.
to those who came.
thank you.

bak kata my english teacher.

"i loveeee you all."