Search This Blog

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

TAUTOLOGY



in life there are turning points in which your views of the world change dramatically. some of you might cheekily say "we change every minute," - which is true, like your atoms are decaying as you are reading this, but apart from physically changing, that doesn't mean a thing because your core, what makes you as a person stays the same. views however, change and people make adjustments based on this.

for instance, once upon a time, people believed the world was just a pancake, that was the reality, some people were afraid to walk far, fearing they would fall... but then as time goes, people found out that the world is actually round... change of view, people were still walking but they travelled further knowing they would never fall off the cliff. they adjusted.

my mother has been there most of the time, when these view changing events happened. when my father passed away, i was three, i saw my mother cried, sobbing for hours. you know not the typical 'salam raya' kind of cry but i couldn't explain it really, mind you i was three, but what i saw was a woman scared of the unknown, what will become of us and that made me cried too, not because my father passed away but more of seeing her like that. i viewed my mom differently since that day... that everytime she was angry or emotional, i would go back to that very day... and i would understand that she was not angry actually... she was just scared. as a boy, i didn't change, i made her angry still but i was a bit more ready with the consequences and protested less.

once, my mother got into an accident. her old beat up toyota was in the workshop for about a month. we were carless - but she insisted on bringing me and my sister out to KFC to celebrate us getting good grades. took us about an hour to get a cab and while waiting, my mom said, "kalau kita susah, tak ada orang pun pandang," - i was oblivious to that fact till that very day, oblivious to how hard it was for her to live as a widow in such hostile society. i view the neighbourhood differently since then. things started making sense, like why i was never selected to play football for the school even when i deserved it... i didn't change to meet the standards set by society, i moved out from the circle. it made me happier, plus i made new friends with the boys in the nearby palm oil estate when they invited me to join their football team.

time goes by. my mother re-married. i graduated. got a job. did stuff. well whatever. that was that. whatever it is, i am still the same. i made adjustments but i am that very same kid, main bola kaki ayam dengan budak estet beruas, never got a chance to play for the school. so yea, if you want to change yourself or other people... trust me, it is impossible, but what you could do, your best bet, is change views... and then make adjusments accordingly.

after all, having views is what living is about.

15 comments:

aLia Sa'ad said...

talking about your mother is so sweet ~
i respect her . :)

tulip biru said...

if you want to change yourself or other people... trust me, it is impossible, but what you could do, your best bet, is change views... and then make adjusments accordingly.

well said redza!

Anonymous said...

:)

Anonymous said...

Be the change you want to see in the world - Mahatma Gandhi

lissaism said...

atoms doesn't decay all the time, just saying.

that analogy was made too simple that it invites such questions on it's validity

it does suit the whole story though..

though 27 years late, so sorry for your dad.

redza minhat said...

lisa. cheeky. but how do you explain brain cells. die (decay) all the time. skin cells, decay all the time. you speed up the process by not drinking, not eating and not thinking.

cells die, cells replicate, sometimes they replicate wrongly and that will cause cancer.

:) good observation nonetheless.

Anonymous said...

i didn't change to meet the standards set by society, i moved out from the circle...


this is good. damn good!

thanks redza! :)

nina said...

and the adjustments we made that make us something ain't it? made us wiser and see the better (or worse) side of things. and we learn to face facts some people might just not understand.:)

Anonymous said...

Sound like you came a long way wid all dat accomplishments! now u got good career,(got gf? :p) a bit of fame. Next up, family and house wid white picket fence! ahax~!

p/s cool blog!! :D

Amirul Al Hafiz said...

awesome bro~ very meaningful

Anonymous said...

nice one :)

dedalie said...

:(

niamoody said...

beruas?beruas, ayer tawar perak? hav u ever come across pekan jumaat dkt dlm kem cine batu 19 ayer tawar?
haha we share the same hometown!

mariakamalmilatu said...

This one really touched my heart...especially when you talked about how it was when you were a three year-old boy...THAT made me read this post a few times...

Every time I see young kids crying over the death of a close family member, I'd wonder how they feel...thank you for putting it in words...

Anonymous said...

I'm a single mom wt 3 yr old son.. this is a touching post.. thank you.