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Friday, April 24, 2009

jangan makan nasi.

aku adalah protaganis. ini adalah natural kerana kita selalunya protaganis dan orang lain adalah antagonis dalam hidup kita. antagonis aku kali ini adalah pakcik di kafeteria yang aku jumpa hampir setiap hari - yang setiap hari akan tegur aku berkenaan pilihan dietari-ku.

"eh dik, tak makan nasik ke? diet ke?" katanya dengan nada nyaring seolah-olah ingin memberitahu semua orang tentang keganjilan seorang lelaki yang tak makan nasik - sambil tersenyum sinis. secara parallel, mungkin fenomena lelaki tak makan nasik ini sangat menjengkelkan seperti pengklonan manusia dan binatang - abnormal. dan dia akan tegur aku setiap kali, setiap kali aku singgah ke kedainya menjengah smorgasbod yang tersedia.

dan setiap kali itulah aku hanya tersenyum. aku tersenyum kerana pada aku hal-hal dietari adalah sangat peribadi, dan aku rasakan sensitif. sama sensitif kalau kita tahu seorang muslim itu makan babi, orang india makan daging lembu atau orang cina... well they eat everything. itu hak mereka, itu akaun bank mereka... orang lain tidak harus ambil peduli.

jadi seperti biasa, aku senyum ambil makanan dan duduk berseorangan. pakcik kafe kemudiannya turut duduk berhampiran dengan aku sambil menghisap rokok winston.

'awkward moment.'

tak lama selepas itu, ada karektor ketiga, seorang lelaki yang sangat unassuming cuba memasukkan syiling ke dalam poket kecilnya. syiling-syilingnya terjatuh bersepah-sepah di atas lantai dan kebetulan berhampiran dengan kaki pakcik kafe antagonis. dia cuba mengambil syiling tersebut tetapi akibat ukur lilit pinggangnya yang agak besar (about 38-42 inch rough estimate) selain perutnya yang besar, beliau tak mampu tunduk sehabisnya untuk tolong mengutip syiling tersebut. kegagalan ini hanya mampu dimitigate oleh sengihan yang amat sengal. lelaki ketiga itu juga berlalu pergi membiarkan syiling-syilingnya.

seorang lelaki yang sangat unassuming yang telah menyelesaikan segala persoalan pakcik kafe itu, menerangkan segala sebab yang aku perjuangkan, kenapa aku tak makan nasik - situasi ini dipanggil 'deus ex-machina'.

X

"bayar tax pun tak nak cerita pasal politik, blahlah!"

Thursday, April 23, 2009

ओल्ड man

"36, 37 end of the year..."
"fuck that's like, old..."
"fuck yeah!"
"fuuuuckkkk..."
"in 36 months... i'll be 40, how bout that?"
"yeah - shiit..."

"oklah, i'm going home."
"ok old man. fuck. you're old"
"ok, stop it."
"ok."

लेजंग काउ kejang


"lejang kau kejang-lah." said the mechanic.
"what the hell does that supposed to mean?" i replied.
"it means your lejang - cram a bit, like muscle cram?" the mechanic continued blabbering all the stuff which are sanskrit to me.

i asked him to start the engine and show it to me. he did. he twisted the key and straight away we could both hear funny sound coming from the V4 engine.

it sounded a bit like "ughhh... arghhhh... arcckk!"
"what the fuck? did that come from the engine? it sounds like ..."
"a guy having cram? yeah-laaa... told you what?" said the mechanic

"how much?" i asked but i guess he could sense that i was worried more about the dent in my pocket rather than the engine.
"about 2350, friend friend... if not probably about 2500..."
"are you sure lejang i kejang?" i asked.
he paused for a bit. took a deep breath, shooked his head and walked off.

"oklah-oklah."

Friday, April 17, 2009

One More Time - All together Now

"Y'know all of us learned to write in the second grade. Then, most of us go on to greater things..."

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

paramount zealots

ok. i will describe my eyes before i begin the story. my eyes are brown and resplendent. but yesterday it was replendent because it was teary. teary because i had a bad flu.

so i begin the story.

i drove my 3 series to the clinic. rushed towards the counter because all i could think of was sleep. the receptionist was already waiting at the counter, with an empty smile - raring to go though the clinic was empty. she didn't pay much attention to the tv although RTM 1 was airing some great documentaries about resorts in langkawi. it was weird because i thought all receptionists would like to take a vacation in langkawi. maybe she did. last year. so the documentary didn't really excite her. maybe if it was documentary on tioman perhaps. but it was not.

she stared at me. i thought it was the hair. these days my hair is much thinner and thus, it is quite hard for me to do the GQ center parting. perhaps the side parting made me appear mentally unbalanced because it was 'off center'. so i scruffed it. in front of her. she smiled. probably i appear as one of those shampoo models trying to hit on her. but i am not a shampoo model so i felt a bit weird and violated when she was smiling and kept staring. or probably it was because of my teary resplendent brown eyes. my brown eyes have that power on people.

so i told her... "can i have a form? i work for this bank..."
in which she replied... "pesara ke... pekerja?"

"pesara???!!!"

ok. i have no mood to continue with the story. pundek.

Thursday, April 02, 2009

kuda liarku basah

"eleh... celebrate earth hour, tapi pergi tengok F1..."

"piang!"...

...