i was dreaming last nite.
i was a country singer in wisconsin.
shufflin my feet singin to the crowd.
then there was this girl among the crowd.
who sang for a teenage post war angst jazz band.
she asked me if i would wanna appear in her video clip.
i told her.
i don't do auditions though.
she called me hissy diva.
her manager, a teenager, quarter italian, quarter english, half malay
aspiring - to be american didn't like me much.
cause im american and im so fuckin awesome a country singer.
y'know insecurities and shit like that.
but i went anyway.
to the audition.
she let me listen to her stuff.
it wasn't that great.
made of monosyllables and manic chortels.
there was this particular song.
about taking it slow and shit like that.
it was ok.
i mean relatively.
relative to a retard.
no offence to all retards cause im sure some of them are brilliant.
like when dustin hoffman played rain man.
although, whether or not he's a retard can be argued.
cause autistic ain't retard.
retard or not her song definitely was.
i was listening to the first verse and i already developed gangrene.
at the end of the dream.
the producer told me - i got the role.
but when i found out.
i had to wear cheap shoes, since everything is cheap in that production.
i was like.
"what the fuck? i don't wear cheap shoes!"
and then she slapped me.
her manager kicked me.
and the bassist bitchslapped me and said - some bass guitars have 6 strings.
that was a eureka moment there.
that that was exactly what newton meant when he spoke about the law of inertia.
that if undisturbed, a material body will continue to move in a straight line at a constant speed.
if undisturbed, human beings are all idiots at constant speed until they are slapped in the face.
i woke up this morning feeling a little bit smarter than i was last nite.