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Friday, November 17, 2006

havin' a ball.







We are young, we are free!
Keep our teeth, nice and clean!
See our friends, see the sights, feel alright...

"Be yourself" is about the worst advice you could ever give me.
Please note!

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Jak Li's Miscomm.

A security guard complained that a Mongolian girl was seen around Jak Baginda's house whole day. Jak and the police viewed the CCTV recording but the picture was blur and they couldn't identify the girl. So Jak asked them to blow her (picture) up, and the police did just that--blew her up!

Another version from another witness said that Jak asked the police to locate the girl, and added, "I want a blow job", and the police did the job...

Miscommunication. Kills.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

spoon deck -cow


Arif
Brutality! Brutality! Brutality! [Keeps crying]

HM
Sudah la tuu! Dah dah diam! Kamu ni menangis kenapa?

Arif
Saya kena pukul cikgu!

HM
Siapa pukul kamu?

Arif
Abang abang prefect. Habis bahu saya tercedera ! [sambil menunjukkan anduh birunya]

HM
Kenapa depa hempuk kamu ? Sampai senget bahu ni. Brutal betul!

Arif
Saya pergi hantar petisyen! Ada protes cikgu. Kakak Maya Karina naikkan harga nasi lemak dekat kantin.

HM
Naik ? Berapa ringgit ? RJ ! How come I didnt know about this ?

RJ
Because you never paid for your own nasi lemak sir.[sotto voce]

HM
Kamu nih ! Itu pun nak merungut. Apa Kakak Maya Karina cakap ?

Arif
Dia cakap minyak naik, api naik, gula pun tak ada.

HM
Aik ? Itu pun nak komplen ? Dema ni, kena la belajar ubah gaya hidup sikit ! Kalau dah tahu nasi lemak mahal, kurangkan sikit makan, kalau selalu makan nasi lemak ayam, sekarang makan nasi lemak ikan bilis dah le, kalau tak mampu makan nasi lemak ikan bilis, tengok udahle, dak gitu RJ ? Hish dema ni, susah bebeno ke nak idup ?

Arif
Tapi Cikgu RJ yang suruh kami pi protes, sekali, abang abang prefect datang pukui kami !

HM
Tak patut betul abang abang kamu ni ! Jangan risau, saya akan ambil tindakan sewajarnya ! Baguih le kamu berjuang untuk nasib anak bangsa. Kita memang memerlukan pelajar macam kamu ni ! Udah, RJ, bawak budak ni pergi jumpa Nurse ! InsyaAllah lah, baik lah bahu tu nanti !

Arif
Terima kasih cikgu

[Arif leaves]

RJ
Actually sir, I was also the one who asked the prefects to hit the boys ! But not very hard. Very very soft only sir !

HM
Abih tu, sampai senget bahu tu ?

RJ
Ah tu yang saya pelik tu! And actually sir, that was the boy I was talking about. You know, our spy! The protest was good publicity for him ! Later, we shall appoint him as the student union leader to infiltrate the school !.

HM
You are very intelligent RJ ! What do I do without you. Now it’s 11 o clock, I am hungry. Please get me Nasi Lemak Kakak Maya Karina ! I want Nasi Lemak Ayam, put daging, sotong, ikan masin, cencalok dengan paru sekali oh yes don’t forget the daging kambing. Kalau ada pedal ayam kamu sental sekali! Kamu RJ nak makan apa? Hah kamu amik lah, nasi lemak Daging Rusa, takpe, kita ni bekerja… nak majukan sekolah, takpelah makan lebih sikit, ye dak?

maujubor?

maujubor rahman, sorang warga bangladesh cuba mendapatkan khidmat gadis 'escort' di bukit bintang.
gadis escort
chait!!! kasik doposen. nak 'main' pesen pesen
maujubor rahman
... ... [diiringi dengan bunyi cengkerik]
malam itu maujubor sepi lagi.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

a gambling man

i was asked by a man on my 26th birthday very recently; "what's your price?".
actually the man repeated the question twice before i gave an answer, "there's a little bit of the whore in all of us, gentlemen. what's your price?... [insert silence] what's your price?"
to my surprise these words came out from my mouth, "i am a true working class hero... therefore, not much"- i thought i was cool like that.
the man nodded and said "boofhead!"

most arabs reacted with scorn


Of the little things I am thankful for…

My desk at the office
-Which is large and has many drawers whose contents will be disgorged only upon my physical or professional death

Quietness
-As in the absence of sound.

Free newspapers in the morning
-Recently they started stacking newspapers on the way out of the apartment.

The door to my room
-Life would be unthinkable without it

The long walk home to the apartment from the car park at night
-Again, the absence of sound

The particular stray cat I pet every night beside the swimming pool
-The only form of animal that I am likely to see nowadays

Re-reading this entry from item number one, I realise that it’s quite possible I’m losing my mind
-But I’m glad that for the most part of it I am not aware it’s happening.