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Wednesday, May 10, 2006

with regards to masturbation paranoia

"I am past 70 years of age and have had a life-long session with masturbation. All of it very personal, confidential and carefully hidden! Therefore, I was very emotionally gripped by your candidness and detailed explanation of your feelings in Confidential Biography. Never did I think that I would be privy to such an account, and find that I wasn't such a "bad, no-good kid" after all. I have never shared my secret with anyone - not even my wife, to whom I was married for 17 years. She died of an unexpected illness at age 38. She and I were the same age.

"I began masturbating at such a young age, I cannot remember how it began. I can remember being chastised by my mother when she caught me lying in the bath-tub, where I was waiting for her to come and bathe me. I was vigorously masturbating my stiff little penis, which had never been circumcised, trying to enjoy a climax before she got there. So you can see I was VERY young! During the next few pre-school years, she caught me at it several more times - in bed, in the bathroom, out in the chicken coop and so forth. She took each opportunity to explain to me that such a practice was not only sinful, but that it would be the cause of a fellow growing up to be simple-minded, unable to get married and have a family, and have to be locked up in an 'insane asylum'. Then one winter morning, when I was 5 years old, and should have been getting dressed, she caught me laying behind the big coal-burning heater that warmed our front room seriously masturbating, with my eyes closed, panting, right at the point of climax! (my older brother and sister had already left for school) She grabbed my masturbating hand, jerked me to my feet, whacked my bare behind so hard that it must have hurt her hand, and taught me a lesson that morning that I never did forget! Even today, I can hear her words, which I thought about over and over as I read your descriptive narrative, when she said, "That's the end! I have warned you time after time about playing with yourself, and what it would cause! Now, it MUST be stopped, and stopped for good, before you can ever go to school. Go out to the kitchen and bring me the big butcher-knife! This is the last time! I AM GOING TO CUT THAT THING OFF!! That is the only way that you will be able to quit that nasty game, so, to save your life, it will HAVE TO BE CUT OFF!"

"I immediately collapsed in a heap of fear and crying. After a long period of pleading, I managed to convince her that I would never do it again, if she would not cut it off this time. But I never forgot the lesson - that it was a sinful act; that it was harmful to your well-being, and that it could only be cured by amputation. I continued to masturbate through the years, even as you described, but I made sure that I was never caught again - not by my mother, or by anyone else. I hated myself for being such a "sinful sissy" that I could not quit, and I watched carefully for signs of insanity and worried about what would become of me. WWII, in the Air Corps, I had to sneak around quite a bit to get my satisfactions, but I managed, and then, after the war, I married, had my first initiatory experience with REAL sexual fulfillment. I kept on masturbating for my own pleasure, as well. All the time, thinking that I must be some kind of a "nut case" and feeling that some day I would have to 'fess up, and pay the price.

"Then, unexpectedly, my wife had a stroke and died! With 5 kids to raise, there wasn't much chance of getting married again, so masturbation was my only outlet. This produced a subconscious guilt-complex that was beyond understanding. As the years went by, and I had to hide my secret while all the time having to sexually educate my sons and daughters as they grew up. Finally, after 10 long years of hating myself for my habit, I decided that my mother was right, and that I should cure myself. So, after several weeks of planning, practice, and looking in medical books, I cured myself of my "nasty" habit. I sharpened the butcher-knife, tied a string tightly around my soft penis, as close to my testicles as I could get it, and sliced off my penis! It was quick and neat. After I dropped my severed penis into a jar of alcohol (to preserve it, and I still keep it as a reminder) .

"I went to our family Doctor's office, where I let him trim it, and sew it shut. He inserted a tube into the urinary tract so it wouldn't heal shut. It took about six weeks to entirely heal. I can assure you that my mother was right - amputation cures masturbation!! Just thought that you might like to know what trying to control masturbating led to, in my case. But had I had the opportunity to read your account before hand, I would in all probability, still have a penis today and still be masturbating. I was 48 years old when I cut it off, and I am past 70 now. You can see it has been a long, long time without any. Funny thing though - I still have a "wet dream" periodically and there that penis is, long, stiff, and hard as ever, and just as thrilling a climax as REAL! It would be nice to know your re-action to my account, as you are the only person in the world I have told about this. You have permission to add this to your correspondence page, if you so desire. I would be glad to correspond with anyone who might care to, as I am now old enough that I have outgrown my paranoia."

2 comments:

penispenulis said...

masturbation.. omg my biggest problem... huhuhu... cant stop it... but i reduce the frequency

ageeba said...

don't u have anything nicer to post.. lol